Scars and Beginnings
by Indra
Summary: What if there had been somenone in Xanatos' life worth overcoming his darker self for? This is an AU story.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters belong to George Lucas, Jude Watson, Dave Wolverton and probably a few other people. No infringement intended.  
  
Author's Note: Please review. I would love to know whether you like my story before continuing writing. Please consider that English is not my mother tongue. I appreciate any comments about my grammar, style, etc.  
  
I know that this is the subject of many fanfics but I hope that the plot with Xanatos is a new idea. Anyway, I haven't read it up to now.  
  
WARNING: This deals with the topic of child abuse, although it has no graphic scenes.  
  
Scars and Beginnings  
  
Chapter 1  
  
"Good morning. Rise and shine. Come on, we've got a busy day ahead of us." The only answer to the cheerful announcement was an incoherent mumble from under the blanket, that remained, however, unheard. As Xanatos blinked into the bright sunlight that streamed into his room, he knew that his Master would be in one of those moods, where the description 'energetic' was a great understatement. The twenty-year-old slowly got to his feet and stumbled more than walked into the fresher.  
  
When the first fogginess had left his mind, he recalled just why he had been up later than usual. Today he would teach the 13 to 14-year-old apprentices in 'Cultures and Politics in the Mid-Rim' and the preparation for the class had taken well into the night. After a partially refreshing shower he joined his Master in the living area for breakfast.  
  
"You know, sometimes I wonder where the enthusiastic boy from seven years ago went to." Qui-Gon Jinn said with an amused grin on his face.  
  
His Padawan shot him a glare. "He vanished shortly after you started with your early-morning-what-a-great-day-wake-up-call."  
  
Qui-Gon only chuckled. "Better eat up, we're beginning 'sabre practice in half an hour." At this, Xanatos' face lit up. He had always liked 'sabre training.  
  
Practice went by smoothly, save for a little lack of concentration on Xanatos' part. Qui-Gon let it go, since it was probably due to the nervousness his Padawan was experiencing before his first lesson with the children. Together they made their way back to their quarters to change.  
  
Half an hour later Xanatos stood in a class of 16 Padawans who all looked at him expectantly. He gathered his thoughts and began. "Good morning My name is Xanatos and this is Cultures and Politics class, so if you're in the wrong class better leave now and I promise I won't tell your Masters."  
  
That earned a few laughs from some of the children. Good. The ice was broken. Xanatos had looked the children up as a preparation for the lessons and so he already knew their names.  
  
"Can anybody tell me which form of state the 4 planets of the Famog system have?" A small Dresselian boy in the front row lifted his hand. "Reeft?"  
  
"They have a constitutional monarchy. They are ruled by a king and a queen who are elected every 5 years directly by the people."  
  
"That's right. Very good, Reeft." Xanatos said. The boy smiled proudly and all the wrinkles in his face hid any features almost completely.  
  
The young man continued his lesson in this manner, asking questions and explaining everything, sometimes also relating a funny story from one of the many missions his Master and he had been on. The students seemed to like it and Xanatos was pleased with their progress.  
  
At the end of the lesson he realized that all but one child had actively participated. A thirteen-year-old boy with ginger-coloured hair and blue- green eyes sat between Reeft and Garen. He dutifully wrote everything down that was being said but didn't contribute anything.  
  
"So, now that we know all these things about Famog, does anyone know what their most important holiday is?" Several hands rose up. "Obi-Wan? How about you?"  
  
The boy looked up with a shocked expression on his face. "The...the holiday?" he stammered.  
  
"Yes, can you tell me which one it is?" Xanatos asked in a friendly voice.  
  
"He doesn't know anything. He's just a baby." Bruck Chun, a human boy of the same age said. A few kids laughed. Reeft and Garen didn't. They looked down at their tables. Obi-Wan blushed deeply.  
  
"I think Obi-Wan can say for himself whether he can answer the question or not." Xanatos said sternly.  
  
"The most important holiday is the Jarriot day, named after Len Jarriot, who fought for independence of the planets, which were oppressed by the neighboring system until 200 standard years ago." The answer was so soft, that it could hardly be heard and the boy didn't look at his teacher while saying the words.  
  
"That's correct. Well done. That's it for today. I will see you the day after tomorrow." Obi-Wan didn't smile but just grabbed his books and fled from the room. Garen and Reeft followed. Xanatos briefly considered asking the boy what was wrong, but then decided against it. Maybe he just had a bad day and it would be better next time.  
  
Contented the senior Padawan went back to his quarters. The first lesson had definitely gone well.  
  
*************************  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn couldn't deny that he felt very proud of his Padawan. And he wasn't even sure he wanted to deny it. The boy certainly seemed to get along with the children. Over the next weeks he sometimes sat up until late in the night preparing for his classes. But he also seemed preoccupied sometimes, especially when they were in the gym for saber practice and some of his students were there in the care of their saber teacher, Master Linko. But Qui-Gon didn't prod the young man. He knew that Xanatos only needed time and would come forth with what troubled him soon enough. At least he hoped so.  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi was a mystery to Xanatos. The boy seemed to be quite intelligent and a quick and hardworking student. However, he never voluntarily participated in class and only answered to questions when directly adressed. His answers were always correct and right to the point.  
  
One day, after several weeks had passed since the first lesson, Xanatos decided to confront the boy. When the children started filing out of the room, Obi-Wan one of the first as always, he asked the boy to have a word with him. The young Padawan looked up at him, seemingly shocked for a moment before averting his eyes to the floor again. His tutor saw Bruck Chun smirk but refrained from commenting on it. What was it with these two boys? Garen and Reeft lingered in the doorway, obviously wanting to wait for their friend, but Xanatos told them to go on. Obi-Wan paled a bit more.  
  
The young man decided to get straight to the point: "Obi-Wan, what is wrong with you? You are not a bad student at all. Why do you never say anything?" The boy didn't answer, but only continued to stare at the ground. Xanatos was getting impatient. "I asked you a question, Padawan. And look at me when I'm talking to you!"  
  
Kenobi's head jerked up at the stern words. His words came out as a whisper: "I'm sorry, Padawan Xanatos. It will not happen again."  
  
That didn't exactly answer the question, but Xanatos saw that the boy was frightened and let it go. "All right, Obi-Wan. Go on now and join your friends." The small boy all but ran from the room. OK, so he had seen the fear in the boy. The question now was of what he was so afraid? It wasn't as if Xanatos had punished him for anything. He sighed and, looking at his chrono, saw that it was time for mid-meal.  
  
When Xanatos entered the dining hall, he immediately spotted his Master. Carrying a tray of food, he joined him at the table. "Hello, Master."  
  
"Hello, Xani. How was your lesson?"  
  
"It was ok", the young man replied, his eyes searching for Obi-Wan at the table of the junior Padawans. The boy sat in his usual spot, talking to his friends and even smiling a bit. Next to him, Bant, a Calamarian girl of 11, related an obviously funny story because all the other children around her were laughing heartily.  
  
//What are you thinking of, Padawan?//  
  
The question in his mind jerked him out of his thoughts. "Nothing of importance, Master." he answered aloud. But Qui-Gon knew better.  
  
Suddenly a shout from the other side of the hall penetrated their conversation. "What's the matter, Oafy? Can't even defend yourself? Need a girl to do it?" Bruck was standing behind Obi-Wan, who didn't turn his head but blushed a deep shade of red. Bant was standing up and glaring at Bruck.  
  
"Now, now, what is all the commotion about?" It was Adi Gallia, who tried to calm the young Padawans.  
  
"Bruck threw food at us and insulted Obi-Wan!" Bant called, outraged.  
  
"Can you confirm this, Padawan Kenobi?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked briefly at the threatening expression on Bruck's face and then whispered: "No, Master Gallia."  
  
Bant looked shocked: "But how can you let him do this to you?"  
  
The boy said nothing and just stared at his tray. As soon as everyone had calmed down and was minding their own business again, he stood up and left the hall. Xanatos stared after him. What was wrong with the boy? He decided to ask his other teachers for any strange behaviour.  
  
He turned to his Master who observed him quietly. "Do you know who his Master is?"  
  
"Kenobi's? I believe it's Master Rin Calan. Why?"  
  
"Oh, just interested. Please excuse me, Master, I have a few matters to attend to. Will I see you at supper?"  
  
"If you plan to take it in our quarters I believe I will see you." Qui-Gon answered with a trace of a smile on his face. Xanatos gave him a nod and a brief smile of his own and then left the dining hall. He had to find out what was troubling the child so deeply.  
  
***********************  
  
As Obi-Wan left the dining-hall and headed for the meditation-gardens he silently berated himself for drawing attention. His Master wouldn't be pleased. The Padawan let himself drop beside a large tree in one of the gardens and looked out across the lake. He loved the water. It was always so peaceful. When he dived, it drowned out all sounds and left him with a feeling of weightlessness that let him forget his clumsiness. He knew he was clumsy but couldn't do anything about it. He also knew that Bant, Garen and Reeft were becoming suspicious of his odd behaviour and the fact that he missed his lessons so often. His Master wouldn't be pleased at all. Obi- Wan let out a long sigh and dropped his head to his hands. Sometimes he wondered if it was all his fault. After all, he didn't think that the other Padawans got treated the way he did. If only he paid better attention to his Master's lessons. If only he wasn't so incapable.  
  
***********************  
  
Master Linko was putting away the exercise droids he had used in the advanced Padawans' class that day when he saw Xanatos coming towards him. He smiled in welcome. He had always liked the boy, partly because he was Qui-Gon's apprentice, with whom he had been friends for many years, and partly because he had always been one of his best students. "Xanatos, it's good to see you. How are you?"  
  
"I'm fine, thank you, Master. How are you?"  
  
"Oh, you know, I played sabacc with your Master yesterday, and the days after that, I usually don't feel so good."  
  
Xanatos laughed but quickly became serious again. "Master, I would like to talk to you about one of your younger students."  
  
Linko smiled again. "Ah yes, I heard that you're now teaching the 13-year- olds. Culture and Politics in the Mid-Rim, isn't it?"  
  
"Yes, it is. I'm worried about a boy named Obi-Wan Kenobi. He's really good, quick and very attentive, but he's very quiet, disconcertingly so. Is this the same in your class?"  
  
Linko frowned and gave Xanatos an understanding but worried look. "Yes, I've noticed. However, what is more disconcerting to me than his shyness is the fact that he actually seems to have a talent for sparring but somehow seems to simply be unable to execute some of the moves. Not because he doesn't understand them but because he can't make his body do them. I have to admit, that I'm also at a loss as to what to do about the boy."  
  
Xanatos didn't like this at all. But there was another thing. "Master, does he often fight with Bruck Chun?"  
  
The frown on Linkos forehead seemed to become deeper with this question. "Unfortunately the two have been fighting with each other from earliest childhood on. Chun has always been a bit of a bully but I, as well as the Council hope that this character flaw will lessen now that he is a Padawan."  
  
Xanatos sighed. He sincerely hoped so, too. For Obi-Wan's sake. "Well, thank you, Master Linko. I will probably try speaking with his Master about his behaviour."  
  
"Do that, Padawan. May the force be with you."  
  
"And with you, Master."  
  
*************************  
  
Qui-Gon watched his Padawan pick at his food for five minutes before he decided that they finally needed to talk about what was bothering him. "Xanatos, what's the matter with you? You have been preoccupied lately. Is there something you wish to talk about?"  
  
The young man heaved a great sigh. "Master, if you observed odd behaviour from a child here at the Temple would you talk to his Master or would you just let it go and mind your own business?"  
  
Qui-Gon was a bit surprised by the question. "Well, I would say that it depends on how unusual this behaviour is and for how long I had observed it?" He hesitated for a moment and then asked: "Is this about the Kenobi boy?"  
  
Xanatos looked up in surprise but then moved his eyes back to his food. "Yes, it is. I don't know what to do about him. He always seems troubled and afraid of talking to anyone but his close friends. This should not be normal behaviour for a Padawan."  
  
Qui-Gon looked thoughtful and then answered, "You're right. It's not normal, but is it cause for alarm?"  
  
"I believe it is. I've observed him for three weeks now and it just doesn't get better. Do you think I should talk to Master Calan?"  
  
"Maybe you should. Just try not to be accusatory. Calan is known for being a little testy when criticised."  
  
"Yes, Master." Qui-Gon nodded and continued eating but secretly he was very proud of his Padawan. He had been about to suggest speaking with Calan himself but was pleased immensely when Xanatos had wanted to do it. Taking responsibility was a part of a Jedi's life from an early stage but that the young man had suggested it himself was a sure sign that he was nearing Knighthood. Maybe Qui-Gon was a bit too easily pleased, a bit too blind to his Padawan's faults but at the moment he really didn't care.  
  
The next evening found Xanatos staring out at the busy traffic that never ceased on the Capital of the Republic. He had finally spoken to Master Calan. The man had listened to him patiently and thanked him for his concern. He had promised to talk to his Padawan about what was troubling him. He had seemed just as worried as any Master would have been, so why didn't this feel right?  
  
It must be the fear I always sense in the boy. Personally, Xanatos didn't think fear was a bad thing. It was just a warning that one should be cautious. He knew that his Master thought fear had no place in a Jedi's life. But the young Padawan had always thought differently about these things. He would certainly not tell Qui-Gon about these feelings. Xanatos heaved a sigh and turned back to his room. Something was nagging at the edge of his consciousness but he couldn't grasp it. Maybe a bit of sleep would clear his mind enough to permit him to think straight again. He lay down and waited for sleep to claim him. It was a long time before it finally did.  
  
**************************  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi was staring at the traffic outside his room in the Temple. He loved this place. When he was alone in his room and all the lights were out he could pretend that he was a part of that busy world out there, where one decided for himself what was best, where one didn't depend on anyone, where one was free. Freedom. When he had been an initiate he had never thought about freedom. The crèche had been his home. He never would have wanted to be anywhere else. Now, however...he knew that he had no right to be angry or disappointed. It was really his own fault. If he had not been so obvious in Padawan Xanatos' class none of this would have happened. He knew this as a fact, his Master had told him. And his Master was one of the wisest men of the Order. He had heard other Jedi say that. His Master always knew what was best for him. He needed to learn discipline. He needed to accept that he wasn't as good as all the other children.  
  
The angry voice of the man still echoed inside his head: 'Xanatos told me that you are lazy.' 'I always knew that you are worthless.' 'Can't you even manage the easiest of classes?' 'I should really just drop you. Do you know how lucky you are that you even have a Master?' 'If I hear one sound from you, I will not put up with you any longer. It's your own fault I have to do this.' As those words flew around in his head, a lone tear made its way down his cheek. His Master was right. He was worthless. His inability to avoid drawing attention to himself proved that. He wouldn't go to classes tomorrow. The bruise on his left cheek was too visible. He knew that would make Xanatos even more suspicious, but there was nothing he could do about it. He drew himself into a tighter ball on the windowsill and sobbed silently. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi! First of all a huge thanks to 'Warrior of the Pen' for the wonderful review. It motivated me to write the next chapter. Thank you!!!! In case you are interested, there's another story that I wrote here. It's a Harry Potter fanfic and is called 'A Fugitive's Life'. It has 5 chapters so far, but I'm updating as often as I can.  
  
Now, on with the story and PLEASE REVIEW!!!  
  
Chapter 2  
  
"Obi-Wan wasn't in class today. Do you think Master Calan let him do extra work for not doing well?" Xanatos again sat opposite his Master in their quarters.  
  
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you recall ever not having to go to classes when you were being punished?"  
  
Xanatos chuckled despite his worry for the boy. Why the hell am I worried about him? "No, I clearly don't recall that."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled slightly. "He's probably just not feeling well."  
  
Xanatos nodded, still deep in thought. And again there was that nagging feeling in his mind, that it wasn't that easy.  
  
****************************  
  
Master Rin Calan was seething. How the hell had the boy managed to draw Xanatos' attention to himself? Maybe he had done it to harm him. Yes, that must be it. His Padawan wanted to damage his reputation. The child was just completely incompetent. Just like Nall. Only that he had loved Nall. But the fact remained that his first Padawan had been so incapable that he had killed himself. On an easy mission. A Jedi had to be alert to danger at all times. He would teach Kenobi that lesson once and for all.  
  
****************************  
  
The buzzer of the door to Master Jinn's residence gave a very short ring. Qui-Gon looked up from the data-pad he was reading and raised an eyebrow. Whoever was at the door was obviously afraid of pushing it too long. Upon opening the door he saw the reason why. Outside stood an extremely nervous looking young Padawan with dark curly hair. When the boy didn't speak, Qui- Gon asked him in a friendly voice, "May I help you, Padawan?"  
  
The child blushed and then began to speak rather uncertainly. "Ah... well... may I speak to Padawan Xanatos please?"  
  
Qui-Gon smiled. "Yes, of course. Please come in." The boy looked so nervous now that Qui-Gon was afraid he might faint any moment from the stress. "Xanatos, you have a visitor!" Not wanting to make him feel even more insecure, the Jedi Master went to his room and closed the door.  
  
When Xanatos came out of his room he was surprised to see Padawan Garen Muln standing in the middle of the living room looking as lost as a 5-year- old initiate. "Garen, what's the matter? Here, sit down."  
  
The boy sat down rather stiffly but then succeeded in looking Xanatos straight in the eyes. "Padawan Xanatos, I have a problem."  
  
The young man nodded encouragingly and Garen continued. "Well, actually Bant wanted me to talk to you, but...uh...this is about Obi-Wan."  
  
At this Xanatos sat up. "What about Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Well, you see, he somehow behaves oddly. Actually he has behaved oddly since the time Master Calan took him as his Padawan and we...that is Bant, Reeft and me...well, we wondered whether you could maybe talk to him about it. Because he doesn't tell us anything, although we're his best friends. He just always tells us that he's fine and that we shouldn't worry. And well, there's something else."  
  
Xanatos nodded for him to continue. Garen took a deep breath. He seemed to become calmer now that he had this off his chest. "You have probably realised that he sometimes misses class. Well, quite often actually. But when we ask him about it he just tells us that he wasn't well, that he had a fever or something like that. But Bant told us..she's training to be a healer, you know, she told us that he is never in the healers´ ward. And Reeft's and my Master always drag us to the healer if we so much as cough a bit."  
  
Xanatos stared at the boy. He had obviously observed this for some time now and was seriously worried. Then an idea occured to him. "Garen, was Obi-Wan ever hurt in sparring practice?"  
  
"Yes, of course, everyone gets hurt there sometimes."  
  
"And did Master Calan take him to the Healers then?"  
  
Garen was obviously a bit irritated by his questions. "If we get hurt in sabre practice, Master Linko takes us to the Healers."  
  
Xanatos sighed. Now, that didn't answer any of his questions.  
  
But then Garen's face lit up as if he had suddenly remembered something. "But once when Obi was defeated by Bruck and his tunic got a bit burned we could see that he had something that looked like an old sabre burn on his back. He told us that he got it when he had sparred with his Master. But he never went to the Healers for that either."  
  
"Did you tell Master Linko about this?"  
  
Garen looked a bit guilty at this. "No, Sir. We thought that if Obi-Wan didn't tell him, it wouldn't be so bad."  
  
Seeing the guilty expression on the boy's face Xanatos immediately attempted to put his mind at ease. "I'm sure it wasn't too bad."  
  
Garen gave him a small smile. "Well, will you talk to him then?"  
  
"Of course I will, Garen. Don't worry. We will work this out."  
  
Garen nodded looking a bit more satisfied now but not really happy. "I will see you on Tuesday then, Padawan Xanatos. Thank you for doing this."  
  
The young man smiled at the boy. "You're welcome. Give my greetings to Bant and Reeft." With that Garen disappeared through the door and Xanatos was left with an even more uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach than he had had the last several weeks.  
  
Qui-Gon came out of his room only moments after Garen had left. He could see from the expression on his Padawan's face that it had not been good news. "Was that about Kenobi?"  
  
Sometimes Xanatos wondered seriously how his Master read him so easily. But he put that thought aside for the moment. There was enough to worry about already. "Yes, it was. That was Garen, a friend of his. He asked me to talk to him." After a brief pause he continued:"Master, did you know Obi-Wan when he was an initiate?"  
  
Qui-Gon nodded. "Yes, I did. In fact I brought him to the Temple. He was seven months old then, but I also taught one of his saber-classes. I think he was 8 or 9 years old."  
  
"And what was he like then? Did he have trouble executing the moves? Or did he behave strangely in any way?"  
  
Qui-Gon sighed. "No, he was a completely normal child. Not at all the way you're describing him now. He was very good at sparring and I heard that he was a good student in most of his other subjects. I don't know what is wrong now, Xani."  
  
The Padawan thought about this for a few minutes and finally decided to voice his suspicions. "Do you think that maybe Master Calan could have anything to do with it? He has been Obi-Wan's Master for eight months now; I've looked it up. Do you think that he does anything to the boy?"  
  
Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow at his apprentice. "Be careful with your accusations, Padawan. We're talking about a well-respected Master. Calan has served the Order for many years. He's loyal and highly regarded for his wisdom."  
  
"I didn't want to make any rash guesses. I was just thinking..."  
  
But his Master cut him off. "Then don't, Xanatos. Maybe you should meditate on this and take into consideration that Kenobi might be the one at fault here. I do remember that he often fought with a boy named Bruck Chun. Maybe he simply can't control his fear."  
  
Xanatos wanted to object but he saw that his Master was angry with him for accusing Calan and knew that it wouldn't do any good. So he just said, "Yes, Master." through clenched teeth and left for the meditation gardens.  
  
******************************  
  
On the way to the gardens Xanatos let the conversations he'd just had with his Master replay in his head. Why was Qui-Gon so dismissive of his idea? There were certainly enough indications for it. The way Obi-Wan reacted whenever someone spoke harshly to him. That he never stood up against Bruck Chun. That he didn't come to class the day after Xanatos had spoken to Calan. The injuries he didn't get treated... The Padawan didn't understand his Master. Why could he not once accept that someone had a real reason to be afraid. That negative feelings were justified in some cases. That it was sometimes even necessary to experience them, just for the sake of learning to deal with them. But Qui-Gon had always been like this. And Xanatos had always hated this attitude. No, a Jedi didn't hate. But he had, despite Jedi rules. Hadn't hated his Master of course, just a certain aspect of his personality. And he was convinced that having real emotions couldn't be a bad thing, no matter what Qui-Gon said.  
  
Without really realising it he had reached the fountains. He sat down on the soft grass and breathed deeply. He loved the gardens. The air around him was filled with the life forces of hundreds of small animals. The artificial sun bathed the area in a warm light that made you forget you were inside. The air was clean, free of all the exhaust fumes the planet was always covered in. Xanatos liked Coruscant. He liked it for the many different races that inhabited it. He liked it for the many lights that seemed to give the planet a pulse at night. He liked all the things it represented: Unity, Power, Peace.  
  
But he simply couldn't imagine living anywhere else but at the Temple. All the people out there had to put up with this planet that never slept every day without the possibility of a retreat where there were still things formed not by civilization but by nature.  
  
Xanatos sighed and leaned his head back against the tree he was sitting under when he registered a movement out of the corner of his eye. He peered around a few branches and there it was again. A figure was swimming in the lake, clad in light brown trousers and tunics. It was a small figure and upon further inspection Xanatos could make out the form of Obi-Wan Kenobi. He sat back again not wanting the boy to see him and observed him quietly through the leaves.  
  
Obi-Wan's movements were strong and yet graceful. He moved with a lightness that he had never seen in the boy. He dived long distances, sometimes swimming fast and sometimes just floating in the water. The clumsiness Master Linko had described was gone, as if washed away by the clear liquid. The fear and nervousness Xanatos had always sensed in him were extinguished. The older Padawan watched in wonder as the small boy crossed the lake again and again, seemingly without getting tired.  
  
After watching him for about half an hour, he decided to draw the boy's attention. Just then Obi-Wan swam to the shore, seated himself on the grass and stared out over the lake.  
  
Xanatos started to walk over to him, making as much noise as possible so as not to startle the young Padawan. However, Obi-Wan still gave a little jump when his teacher sat beside him.  
  
"Hello, Obi-Wan. I saw you swimming in the lake. You're a very good swimmer."  
  
The boy blushed slightly. "Thank you, Sir." He didn't look at Xanatos when he said this but down at the grass where he was pulling out a few blades out of nervousness.  
  
Not wanting to pressure him Xanatos asked, "Would you rather be alone?"  
  
Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment and the older Padawan prepared to leave when he heard the soft reply. "No, Sir. It's okay."  
  
Xanatos had to admit that he was a bit surprised. Always before Obi-Wan had practically run from the classroom at the end of the lesson. Now, however, he looked up at him for the first time without being ordered to do so. Xanatos gave him a friendly smile and the child smiled back tentatively but then averted his eyes once again. "Do you come here often?" Obi-Wan nodded. "Me too. I like the peaceful atmosphere here. It lets you forget everything else." The boy looked up at him again. It was clear from his expression that this was exactly the reason why he was here. "What do you like best about swimming?"  
  
Obi-Wan hesitated again. "That I'm not clumsy. I'm always clumsy in sparring lessons." Xanatos almost couldn't believe that Padawan Kenobi, the one who never spoke to anyone but his close friends without a direct order, was speaking to him so freely about his feelings. He decided to not directly approach the matter that was on his mind. "My Master told me that you were fairly good with the 'sabre in his class."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him with wide eyes. "Master Jinn told you that?"  
  
Xanatos thought it a bit odd that this was such a big deal but then he recalled how he had always worshipped the Masters and if someone as respected as Qui-Gon remembered you as a good student then it was probably almost unbelievable for a junior Padawan. "Yes, he did. He told me that you had quite the talent."  
  
If possible Obi-Wan's eyes got even bigger. But then his expression faltered and he looked down again. "But I'm not good anymore."  
  
"Who said that?"  
  
"Everyone." There was a trace of defiance in the boy's voice.  
  
Xanatos waited a moment and then asked, "Bruck Chun?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him briefly before staring at the ground again. "Yes." It came out as a whisper.  
  
"Did Bant or Garen or Reeft ever say it?"  
  
The young Padawan looked at him sharply, the defiance back in his voice. "Of course not. They're my friends. They're not supposed to say things like that. But they all think it."  
  
Xanatos kept his voice on a low level. "Did you ask them about it?"  
  
At this Obi-Wan moved a bit away from him, his expression angry. "No, I didn't. What do you want to hear? That I think I'm a great student? Well, give up! You won't hear it!"  
  
For a moment Xanatos just stared at the boy and Obi-Wan stared back. Then the look of anger changed to one of horror and he stood up his head bowed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm sorry. I will submit to any punishment you see fit."  
  
Xanatos finally snapped out of his shock and took the boys arm. "It's okay, Obi-Wan. I'm sorry. It's really none of my business."  
  
Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to be shocked. "You won't punish me? But I got angry. A Jedi isn't supposed to be angry."  
  
There it was again. A Jedi isn't supposed to feel this, to react that way. How Xanatos despised it. Look what it did. He sighed. "Obi-Wan, please sit down." When the boy had complied he continued. "Sometimes we just get angry or afraid. It is not a sin. You can learn to not let yourself be overwhelmed by your emotions but you can never avoid feeling them. That's what makes us human. That's what distinguishes us from the machines we build."  
  
"My Master said that there are good and bad emotions and that I had to learn to only feel the good ones."  
  
Xanatos wanted to search for the man right then and yell at him for telling the boy this nonsense but instead he focused his thoughts on Obi-Wan and tried again to explain. "But that's not possible. You have to know emotions like anger, fear and sorrow in order to be able to experience joy. Otherwise you will never know true happiness."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him thoughtfully and then shifted his gaze to his chrono. "I have to go. I have to meet my Master in twenty minutes for training."  
  
"Okay Obi-Wan. It was nice talking to you."  
  
The boy blushed again and said in a small voice: "I liked it, too." With that he made his way to the door of the hall the gardens were located in. But before he reached it he turned around once more. "Thank you, Padawan Xanatos." And without waiting for an answer he left.  
  
Xanatos turned his gaze back to the still water. He wasn't completely sure that Obi-Wan believed the things he had said. After all, he was only a Padawan and Calan was a Master. But he was sure that the young apprentice knew deep down that those words were true. It would take time for Obi-Wan to trust him, but they had made a start. With a small smile on his face Xanatos finally settled into a comfortable position and began to meditate. 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hi, folks. So sorry for not updating for so long. School and work started at the same time and I moved. (I now have a real flat together with a friend. It has a real kitchen and a real bathroom. :o) ) Well, anyway, to tell you the truth I have also been quite lazy recently. But I will try to write more often again and hopefully update more frequently. The bad part about having moved is that now I don't have Internet anymore, which means I can only update on weekends when I'm at my parent's house. Well, wouldn't be able to do it more often anyway. :)  
  
Many, many thanks to Warrior of the Pen for the great review. It's absolutely amazing to know that someone likes it that much.  
  
Also, many thanks to Seung Mina, Master Elora Dannan and lilandra magnus. Please keep reviewing. I need it as a motivation. And please tell me whatever you think of it! I need the criticism just as much as the praise.  
  
Chapter 3  
  
When Xanatos emerged from his meditation it was already evening. He briefly considered going to the dining hall for a meal but then decided that he didn't want to face his Master after their fight with a hundred other people around them. He slowly walked back to their quarters. He had to admit that he was stalling for time, but he really didn't know what to say to Qui-Gon. Should he apologise? No, definitely not. It wouldn't be sincere since he still couldn't see that he had done anything wrong. After talking to Obi-Wan he was now certain that the boy's relationship with his Master wasn't a normal one. The young Padawan obviously respected Calan but he just didn't speak of him with this complete adoration that most children at the Temple did. He then realized that he had never heard the boy talk about his Master except when he recited a lesson. There was definitely something wrong but how could he make Qui-Gon see that? Sighing to himself, Xanatos pushed the button that opened the door to their quarters. Upon entering he immediately sensed that the rooms were empty. He walked to the dining table where he found a message from his Master.  
  
'Xanatos,  
  
I had to attend a council meeting on short notice and didn't want to disturb your meditation. I will be back for supper.  
  
Qui-Gon'  
  
Xanatos left the note on the table and decided to take a shower while waiting for Qui-Gon. Maybe that would help him clear his head.  
  
Twenty minutes later he left the `fresher and hearing his Master in the kitchen, returned his things to his room and then joined him. Qui-Gon looked up briefly and gave him a smile that lacked, however, the usual warmth. "How was your meditation?"  
  
"It was...revealing. How was the meeting?"  
  
Qui-Gon sighed deeply which was a sure sign that something was wrong. The man normally cut straight to the point with whatever had to be said. "We have to talk, Xanatos."  
  
The Padawan nodded and led the way back to the living area. He sat on the couch and Qui-Gon took the seat opposite him.  
  
After a moment of looking into his apprentices eyes with a troubled expression on his face, he began to speak. "I need to know what exactly you know about Kenobi and Master Calan."  
  
Xanatos was taken completely by surprise by the course of the conversation. He had expected his Master to lecture him on his behaviour earlier in the day, maybe tell him that it was inappropriate to talk about another Jedi in the way he had, at least say anything that made him understand his point of view on the matter. He had never expected to be asked about what he knew of Obi-Wan's and Calan's relationship. Of course, his Master always considered his opinion and wanted his input on important matters and he was widely known for disregarding orders if he felt the Force showed him a different way and for encouraging his Padawan to do the same, but he would never let him get away with disrespect towards a fellow Jedi.  
  
Xanatos stared at him for a moment before realising that he should probably answer the question. "Well, I met Obi-Wan today in the meditation gardens and I have the impression that his relationship with his Master is very different from that of most Padawans. He seems to respect him but he talks about him the way I would talk about a teacher I barely know. It's as if he doesn't have a personal relationship with him at all."  
  
Qui-Gon didn't say anything but just nodded his head in silent contemplation.  
  
"Is there something wrong, Master?"  
  
At this the older man looked up. "I don't know, Padawan. I was summoned by the council today for a mission briefing."  
  
Xanatos perked up at this. "But I thought we wouldn't have any missions for at least three months. That's why I took on the Culture class."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled slightly at him and this time the warmth was back in his eyes. "Patience, Padawan. I didn't say that we would be gone for long. It is a mission on Coruscant. In the lower part of the southern hemisphere to be exact. I take it you're aware of the fact that on the lower levels of this highly-developed planet, there are regions where no real society exists?"  
  
Xanatos nodded and waited for his Master to continue. He had no idea where this was going. "Well, it seems that in one of those regions, two factions have formed that have been quarreling about their rights on the territory for several months. Security Forces haven't given much thought to this up to now, as there are always minor conflicts between the gangs. Now, however, the situation seems to have escalated. One of the groups started to commit attacks on civillians in the upper levels in order to pressure the other one. They followed suit and now civillians are dying as a lever and neither of the factions care about it."  
  
Xanatos took a deep breath. It wasn't uncommon for things to turn out like this on unstable planets. However, it was hard to imagine that something like this could happen on some part of Coruscant without a planetwide uproar. But he knew that this couldn't be the reason his Master was so troubled. They had had to deal with far worse situations. So he just remained silent.  
  
"The council wants us to go there and negotiate. I don't think it will be a difficult mission but of course it could turn out to be dangerous. Now, as to my earlier question. We won't be going alone. Master Calan and Padawan Kenobi will be joining us."  
  
Xanatos just stared at him. That was the second time in ten minutes he was rendered speechless. But he quickly recovered and voiced his concerns. "But, Master, why should the council send two teams? It will only raise the risk. They could think we want to force an agreement. And besides, Obi-Wan is only 13. Since when does the council send children to the lower parts?"  
  
"I don't think that his age will be a problem. Junior Padawans face far more dangerous missions on other planets. As to your first question, the Council or rather Master Yoda, seems to think along the same lines as you. They want us to observe the way the two of them are working together. They have only been on two short missions since Calan took Kenobi as a Padawan. He mostly went on solo missions, leaving the boy in the creche. Now, I don't want you to make any accusations as long as we don't know anything. But I'm prepared to look into the problem. It's not that I don't want to believe you, Xanatos. It's just that you sometimes tend to be a bit rash with your guesses."  
  
Xanatos understood his Master's concerns. It was never good to alienate another Jedi. It compromised the peace in the Temple. There was enough mistrust in the galaxy already. They couldn't afford to harbour it in the Order. "I understand, Master. I will be objective on the mission."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Good. Now, it is late and we have to get up early. So I suggest we get some sleep. This assignment shouldn't take long. I'm sure we will be back in time for your next lesson in two days."  
  
Xanatos stood up and made his way over to his room.  
  
But before he closed the door he turned around. "I didn't mean to show any disrespect, Master. I'm just a little worried."  
  
"I know, Padawan. But I'm sure there's nothing to worry about. Good Night, Xani."  
  
"Good night, Master."  
  
****************************  
  
As Xanatos lay in bed an hour later, still wide awake, he wondered whether Qui-Gon really believed this. He had felt the fear and sorrow emanating from the boy and it sure wasn't something as easy as a stomach ache. Another thing he had realised was that his Master never used Obi-Wan's first name. He always said 'Kenobi' or 'the boy'. Maybe it was his way of distancing himself from the fact that the young Padawan might really be in trouble. Whatever it was, Xanatos knew that the man would never just ignore something like this. He had a far too caring nature for that. As he lay in bed, the young man promised to himself that he would help Obi-Wan any way he could. He would observe Rin Calan very carefully. With that thought in mind and again that nagging feeling he finally fell into an uneasy sleep.  
  
****************************  
  
The angry voice was back. It always came at night. When there were no other sounds, no other thoughts, to drown it out. When the sounds of the planet were held outside by the thick glass of the Temple it would come and there was nothing that prevented it from penetrating the shields Obi-Wan had erected around himself. Of course, it would always vanish as soon as he woke up from the nightmare, but the echo kept sounding in his head for hours until being washed away by the light of the day.  
  
As soon as the sun rose over this part of Coruscant the voice would die down. For a few minutes or sometimes half an hour he could pretend that everything was alright. Until the real voice would be heard through the door to his room. His Master was always angry when he didn't get up early to make breakfast. But the minutes of peace were worth this anger and Obi- Wan cherished them more than anything.  
  
When the young Padawan woke up this morning it was no different. As he sat on the windowsill, staring out at the speeders and ships that reflected the rising sun, however, he couldn't free his mind as he usually did. Instead he replayed the events from the day before after he had left the meditation garden.  
  
When the doors to the garden had closed, Obi-Wan looked at his chrono and upon realizing that he was a bit late began to run toward the practice rooms. His Master was already there when he reached them, which was never good. Taking a deep breath to calm his fluttering nerves, Obi-Wan stepped inside, discarded his shirt and put on his training clothes and then made his way over to Calan. He had been right, it was not good that the man had had to wait for him. Bracing himself for what was to come, Obi-Wan bowed and said:"I apologise for being late, Master. I forgot the time."  
  
Calan crouched down, so that he was on the same eye-level as his Padawan. Narrowing his eyes, he hissed in a dangerous voice,"And may I ask, Padawan, what it was that had you so occupied?"  
  
Maybe it was the fact that his head was still so full of Xanatos' words or maybe it was his fear of what was to come that prevented his brain from drawing the right conclusion and making him lie, but without even thinking about the consequences, the young boy said,"I talked to Padawan Xanatos in the meditation gardens and he gave me some advice for my lessons." He realised his error immediately after the words had left his mouth.  
  
Calan's eyes shot daggers at him. His voice was a mere whisper. "I will only tell you this once, Padawan, so you better listen. If I ever see you near Xanatos outside of classes again, I will make sure that you will never again be with one of your friends. You know how generous I am to even let you meet them so often. You know that not every Master would let you have this kind of freedom. So if you don't want to be confined to our quarters except for classes and missions for the rest of your life, you better do as I say. You're lucky that you even have a Master. I really wouldn't tempt my fate, if I were you. I could send you to Agricorps on a moment's notice."  
  
Obi-Wan swallowed hard and looked into his Master's eyes before looking at the floor again and whispering,"Yes,Master. I won't talk to him again."  
  
"Good." His Master stood and spoke in a normal voice, again. "Now, let's see if you have learned anything at all since the last time we sparred."  
  
Sitting in his room now, Obi-Wan wondered why the Masters never raised their voices when they punished their Padawans outside their quarters. He had never seen it with the other Masters and never with his own. He knew of course that he was being punished more often than most apprentices. He had realised that when Garen or Reeft talked about such things. But obviously he deserved it. Well, no use dwelling on it. The Masters probably just didn't want to break the silence in the halls.  
  
The sparring had not been good. No matter how hard he had tried Master Calan had always found fault with something. He was not fast enough or not agile enough. Or he was just plain clumsy like in Master Linko's classes. "How can someone your age be so incapable?" He heard that sentence almost every day. Yes, he was incapable, he knew that. He was always a step behind the others of his year. Sometimes even Bant could outmaneuver him with the saber and she was two years younger.  
  
But then something else his Master had said yesterday came to his mind."You're too fearful. You're a coward. No real Jedi would let his negative feelings control him like this." But Xanatos had said that it was okay to feel these things or otherwise he could never really be happy. Obi- Wan tried to remember the last time he had been really happy. As an initiate. That was the problem. He had never been completely happy as a Padawan. Even while he was with his friends, laughing and talking with them, there had always been that little part of his mind that was occupied with thoughts about his own faults. Thoughts about his Master and the punishment he would get if he misstepped. And he would eventually misstep. That much was certain. And sitting there on the windowsill, staring out at the slowly rising sun and the busy people going about their lives, Obi-Wan Kenobi doubted for the first time that this was the way it should be. 


	4. Chapter 4

Author`s Note: Finally, the next chapter. Sorry it took so long. I`m not entirely satisfied with this chapter. I somehow had the feeling that I got thrown out of my own plot. Hopefully the next one will be better again. Thanks for your reviews:  
  
Warrior of the Pen: As always, great encouragement. Thank you so much. (You`re my first fan! :o))  
  
Jedi Padawan: I haven`t taken your advice about the paragraphs because I had already written most of it when I read it. I find it a bit odd to start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes since it happens so often in my story. But I will try to do it, if that is the way it is done in English. Of course I know, that the timeline of the JA books doesn`t work for this. However, I didn`t know I had to point out that it was AU. I mentioned it now. I also corrected the mistake in chapter 3. Thank you for pointing these things out. Please tell me, if you find any more mistakes.  
  
To my anonymous reviewer: Of course, I won`t state here how the story will end, that would take all the fun out of it. You`ll just have to read it.  
  
To my unpatient reviewer: Isn`t the word `impatient´? Well, anyway, I clearly don`t remember getting a review from you, encouraging me to finish it. If you like it (which you obviously do, if you take the time to tell me this), then why don`t you just tell me. Or how about a bit of constructive criticism? Maybe you would like to do it this time. Then I`ll be much more motivated and will put more effort into it. :)  
  
As always: Please review!! I will write more, if you tell me what you think, I promise.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
The sun was throwing one bright spot on the floor of Rin Calan's room. The Master sat on his bed, staring at the spot and wondering how he had ever come to the point where he would be afraid of going on a mission with another Master/Padawan team. A point where he would be afraid at all. Wasn't this what he told his apprentice every day? No negative feelings. He thought briefly of Nall, how the boy had often pointed out his Master's own faults, allowing a smile to show on his face. It vanished just as quickly as it had come as he thought about how things had turned out for Nall. He should never have let the boy get away with so much. He should have eradicated all of those feelings immediately: fear, sorrow, arrogance. For that was all it had been. Arrogance. Not a gift for observation. He should have punished him for observing faults of others and not his own, not smile indulgently and tell the boy he would think about it. What was there to think about? Calan knew that he had his own faults but he was a Master and Nall had only been a Padawan, which had been painfully obvious on the mission to Malastare. If only the boy had been a bit faster, had ignored his feelings of fear and anguish. But he had not been able to do it. That just made it clearer that he had not been any better than Kenobi.  
  
So now, why was he afraid? Of course, he knew why he had been paired with Jinn. It had no doubt been the work of that old troll, so that he could be observed and later evaluated. He also knew that Yoda didn't trust him. But why should there be anything to be afraid of? It was true that most Masters had different teaching methods than him, but that didn't mean that his were the wrong ones. The only reason he didn't treat his apprentice the same way outside their quarters was that he didn't want to draw attention to himself. Calan sighed deeply before standing up.  
  
Shoving every last thought of Nall and Jinn out of his mind he opened his door to begin a new day trying to drill some sense into that worthless Padawan of his.  
  
*************************  
  
Obi-Wan was suddenly torn from his thoughts by the stern voice of his Master.  
  
"Kenobi! Out here! Now!"  
  
Obi-Wan jumped out of bed and without another thought as to what the man would do to him now, yanked open the door. Rin Calan towered over him. His height alone was enough to make any child cower but the look in his eyes was even more frightening. Obi-Wan knew this look. He knew it from endless nights when his Master had decided once again that he had to be reminded of his worthlessness. He knew it from dreams where the events of the day would not let him have a minute of rest. Now, the young Padawan averted his eyes to the floor, knowing that it would only infuriate the man more if he met his glare.  
  
So Obi-Wan was very surprised when instead of slapping him or yelling at him, his Master only said in his usual authoritative voice, "We've been assigned a mission. We will leave in half an hour. Go and pack your things for two days."  
  
With that Calan just turned around and strode into his own room again. Obi- Wan blinked a few times and then went to his room as well. He took his bag and began throwing things into it. He didn't know whether he should be happy or fearful. Sure, his Master hardly took him on missions and he was eager to see something else than the Temple and to have a great adventure just like the ones Garen and Reeft always told of. But being away from the Temple also meant being alone with Master Calan and not having the prospect of seeing his friends at meals. Obi-Wan decided that there was no use thinking about that now. He would just have to see. With that in mind, he continued packing.  
  
**************************  
  
When Xanatos was woken that day by his Master he knew instantly that the things they had talked about the day before still weighed heavily on the older man's mind. Instead of his usual wake-up call the Padawan was woken quietly and the breakfast passed mostly in silence.  
  
On their way to the landing pad, where they would get their transport, Xanatos looked at his Master and finally decided to break the silence. "Master, I think that it would be better for both the mission and Obi-Wan if we actually spoke to each other."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled at him and he instantly seemed to come out of his stupor. "Yes, you're right, Padawan. I just thought a few things over." They continued in silence, but it was a comfortable silence, now.  
  
Upon reaching the pad they immediately spotted the pair. Calan, tall and a bit intimidating, Xanatos thought, stood with his hands folded inside his robe. Beside him, in a perfect imitation of his Master's stance, was Obi- Wan. Xanatos gave the boy a brief encouraging smile and was a bit taken aback when he didn't return it. His attention was diverted, however, when Qui-Gon spoke up.  
  
"Master Calan, I think you already know my Padawan, Xanatos."  
  
Calan gave a short nod. "Yes, we've already met. May I introduce my apprentice, Obi-Wan Kenobi."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled at the boy warmly and said: "It is a pleasure to see you again, Padawan Kenobi. It has been some time. But Xanatos has told me a lot about you."  
  
Obi-Wan blushed slightly and bowed. "And you, Master Jinn," was all he said and Qui-Gon wasn't sure which one of his statements he had answered.  
  
Having taken care of the pleasantries they boarded the transport that was to take them to the part of the southern hemisphere they needed to visit.  
  
**************************  
  
Qui-Gon was surprised. He remembered the boy being very open with his emotions, but now he saw a shyness that he hadn't expected. After they had all settled in, he began to explain the details of their mission. He kept glancing at Obi-Wan, who was listening attentively but never asked a question whenever he was asked whether he had understood everything. When he finished his explanations they had already reached their destination.  
  
**************************  
  
Several pairs of eyes observed the four Jedi as they exited the transport, although none of them made themselves known. They watched from the shadows. It wasn't difficult to hide down here. Light was sparse, a treasure to those who sought another life, a curse to those who wanted to forget it. The new light from the red painted transport awoke mistrust and was only looked at from afar. As the Jedi began to walk away from it, the eyes vanished immediately.  
  
Rin Calan took the lead towards the building they were to meet in with the leaders of the two factions. Xanatos looked at the basement with unease. It was hard to believe that these were the same buildings that could be seen in the higher levels. Up there, the glass and steel was shiny, reflecting the rays of the sun, symbolising a planet of wealth and glamour. Down here the very same buildings were run-down. The windows were broken or so dirty that they seemed to be made of stone. There weren't any speeders in the streets. The asphalt was littered with rubbish and full of dust. The sounds of the city above were not drowned out but they sounded strange, as if from another world. The buildings were not being restored by the government. They knew that the durasteel would hold them together for ages. On this level there was no wealth, no families who had dinner together in warm common rooms, no security forces to look out for those who just wanted to live in peace  
  
.  
  
But there were families. A small face peeked from around a pile of discarded boxes. Eyes full of wonder regarded the four strange beings for a moment and then disappeared again. Apart from the noises from far above there were hardly any sounds. All that could be heard now and then was a rattle when a critter knocked something over. There were no sounds that showed that people lived here, no laughing, no talking.  
  
Xanatos took a deep breath and looked at his Master. Qui-Gon's face didn't betray any feelings, he was the perfect, calm Jedi-Master. The Padawan couldn't pretend that this didn't bother him that well. Looking at his surroundings made him shiver. He had been on the lower levels before, but never in a region this run-down. How could something like this exist on a planet that claimed to be the metropolis of democracy, that was a symbol of freedom and equality throughout the whole galaxy?  
  
Xanatos glanced at Obi-Wan expecting to see the same expression of disbelief on his face. Instead the boy looked almost...excited. His eyes were huge and he looked at his surroundings with awe and something else Xanatos couldn't quite identify. What was he thinking in this moment? Wasn't he uneasy in the least? Wasn't he shocked that there were people who didn't even have the most necessary things to live, here on the same planet from which the Senate was supposed to ensure that no one lived in poverty? But Obi-Wan didn't seem to be shocked. More impressed. The older Padawan made a note to himself that he would talk to his Master about this when they were alone. And before he could contemplate this further they had reached the building where the meeting was to be held and stepped inside.  
  
The inside of the building was just as gloomy as the street. It was only with the help of the Force that the four Jedi could walk through the room without bumping into anything – although it was less a room than a lobby. It was enormous, the ceiling high above and the walls curved to the outside. It had probably once been the foyer of a big hotel or maybe the living room of one of the richer people of Coruscant. Qui-Gon tried to imagine how it had looked back then, maybe with a big chandelier hanging from the ceiling and lighting the whole room with a warm and delightful glow, plush armchairs standing in groups around expensive wooden tables.  
  
However it had once looked, now the room was in the same state as the streets outside. Lumber was strewn over the floor, there were critters everywhere trying to find something to eat amidst all the trash. The walls were dark with dust and the only light came from an open door the far right corner.  
  
With a confident stride but all his senses on alert, Qui-Gon followed Calan in the direction of the light. He listened intently but still couldn't hear voices or anything, for that matter, that indicated the presence of human beings.  
  
Their Padawans a step behind them, the two Masters entered the room, hands on their lightsabers.  
  
Four pairs of eyes stared at them. The people inside were all humans, two sitting at a table, the other two standing behind each of the chairs. Calan and Qui-Gon bowed and Calan began to speak. "We're Jedi-Knights, here on behalf of the Republic. My name is Rin Calan and this is Qui-Gon Jinn and the young ones are our apprentices. We're here to find a peaceful solution for the dispute that serves everyone."  
  
Silence followed his introduction and Qui-Gon was about to say something more when one of the men seated spoke up.  
  
"I am Reehan, leader of the Mogass-clan."  
  
When he had finished the other man said in a proud tone of voice, "My name is Xogalt, leader of the Lhen-clan." The men standing behind them just stared at the Jedi, so Qui-Gon assumed they were probably bodyguards.  
  
After waiting a moment so as to be sure he wouldn't be interrupting anyone he said in his most neutral voice, "We're pleased to meet you and I am sure that the negotiations will be a success if we all work together. It is, of course, in your hands when we will start the talks."  
  
The leaders still refused to even look at each other but just continued glaring at the intruders. Finally Reehan spoke again. "We wish to start the talks tomorrow as we are still not sure if the filthy Lhen haven't set a trap for us."  
  
Immediately, Xogalt stood up and his guard seemed to be ready to kill the other leader if he so much as blinked. "We don't set traps like the cowardly Mogass. We're a people of honour!'  
  
Before the situation could escalate, Calan stepped in. "We agree with starting the negotiations tomorrow. We would, however, be most grateful if you could provide us with quarters for the night." The distraction was certainly a good one, but the word `quarters´ seemed very out of place considering their surroundings. Qui-Gon very much doubted that they would get anything that even remotely resembled a bed, let alone quarters.  
  
The two leaders threw each other one last hostile look before turning their attention back to the Jedi. "This is neutral territory. You can do whatever you want here," Xogalt said. For once Reehan seemed to agree. He gave a short nod before leaving the room with his bodyguard without ever taking his eyes off the other two who followed after them.  
  
The Jedi stood in the room for a moment, listening to the receding footsteps.  
  
Xanatos raised an eyebrow at his Master and said, "Well, at least, we didn't get thrown out. That should count for something." Qui-Gon just sighed while Calan threw him a disapproving look. But Xanatos was sure he had seen the hint of a smile on Obi-Wan's face before he straightened his features again. He wondered why the boy never openly showed his emotions. He was quite sure that Calan wouldn't mind him laughing about such a small joke. He certainly knew that Qui-Gon never reprimanded him for his remarks. But now was not the time to think about such things.  
  
Qui-Gon finally stated what they all thought. "Well, we should really start looking for a place to spend the night."  
  
And with that he turned around and walked out into the hall, his Padawan and the other team following him closely.  
  
**************************  
  
After stumbling through all the debris for ten minutes, they found two adjoining rooms, which had at one time probably been guest rooms. They each contained a large bed and the two Masters decided that it would be the best place to stay. After a small discussion about how to proceed the next morning they retired to the rooms, Qui-Gon and Xanatos to one and Calan and Obi-Wan to the other. It had been a short day, due to the different time zones and despite the fact that Xanatos wasn't tired in the least, he knew that he had to be rested in the morning in order to work well. He lay down beside his Master and listened to the older man's even breathing. But instead of just using the Force to go to sleep he found himself staring at the ceiling with wide-open eyes and thinking about the 13-year-old lying in the next room. Why had the boy seemed so excited when they had first arrived? Xanatos remembered being excited on his first missions, well, he still was, but he had always forgotten all about it as soon as he had seen the suffering of the people. But instead of being shocked, Obi-Wan had seemed to absorb it all, hungry for every sight, every sound. And why was he always so quiet? He hardly ever said a word in the presence of his Master and he was heavily shielded at all times. Xanatos had started this mission with the intention of being entirely objective. He had even thought of it as an opportunity to allay his suspicions concerning Master Calan. But with everything that had happened so far he only found them confirmed.  
  
***************************  
  
On the other side of the thin wall that separated the rooms, Obi-Wan lay on the floor covered by an old blanket and also listening to the even breathing of his Master. He listened and waited. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins. He was afraid but at the same time felt strangely excited. He didn't know whether he was doing the right thing. He had briefly considered asking Xanatos about it but had dismissed the idea almost instantly. No, Xanatos would want him to do otherwise. The thought somehow disturbed him. Despite never telling him, he held the older Padawan in high regard, looked up to him. But he couldn't let him know of this. No, this time he was on his own. Not really the first time, a voice in his mind seemed to say. With a deep shaky breath he went back to listening to the sounds around him, waiting.  
  
***************************  
  
When Qui-Gon came out of his half-sleep, half-meditation it was still as dark as it had been the night before. He looked at his chrono and realised that they had about three and a half hours before the leaders would meet again. He looked beside him and saw Xanatos sleeping calmly. He smiled. That boy could really sleep through everything. Just when he considered going back to sleep for another half hour there was a knock on the door. "Come in!" he called out, knowing that Xanatos wouldn't be woken by it.  
  
The door opened and Rin Calan stepped into the room. His expression was unreadable as always but what Qui-Gon found a bit disconcerting was that he already seemed fully awake whereas he still tried to get his bearings.  
  
"Good Morning, Master Jinn. I hope you had a restful night."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled lightly but Calan didn't return it. "It was as restful as a night amidst all this rubble can be. Is something wrong?"  
  
Calan frowned. "Well, I was just wondering if you had maybe seen my Padawan. When I woke up this morning he wasn't in our room."  
  
Qui-Gon stared at him. Beside him he could feel Xanatos slowly waking up. He couldn't have heard right. He must have gotten it wrong. "What did you say?"  
  
Calan looked a bit annoyed at his incomprehension. "He wasn't in our room. I'm sure he's somewhere around. I just wanted to know whether he was with you."  
  
His gaze lingered on Xanatos as he said those last words. The Padawan now had regained full conciousness and watched the exchange curiously. "What's the matter?"  
  
Qui-Gon got up and reached for his robe. "Master Calan's Padawan is missing. We have to search for him immediately."  
  
"Obi-Wan?" Xanatos seemed just as shocked as his Master.  
  
Qui-Gon couldn't believe it. There stood Calan, perfectly calm. Qui-Gon tried to imagine what he would do if Xanatos were missing. He would probably have searched the whole area by now.  
  
"How can you be so calm? Aren't you worried? Does he mean so little to you?" His Padawan had got up and was now standing in front of Calan, fists clenched at his sides, eyes narrowed.  
  
"Padawan!" Qui-Gon called sharply. He understood the young man's emotions completely. He was not immune to them as his apprentice seemed to think sometimes. But this was not the time to let them get the better of him. He moved between Calan and Xanatos and spoke in an authoritative tone. "We're going to split up. Xanatos you go down the right side of the road and search everything in that area. Master Calan, please take the left side. And I will take the one that leads straight from here. We will meet back here in an hour."  
  
For a moment Calan looked about to argue. But instead he just threw another spiteful glance at Xanatos and left. The Padawan took a deep breath and followed. When they were both gone, Qui-Gon closed his eyes briefly to center himself and then took off as well. 


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Well, I've finally managed to update. A huge thank you as always to Warrior of the Pen. Also to Wintersong and cat. I really thought it was clear that Obi-Wan is being physically abused. Seems like it wasn't. Sorry about that. It will become clearer in the next chapter.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Obi-Wan looked up, trying to see a bit of light along the tall building. But the durasteel seemed to stretch on endlessly and was lost in the darkness above him. The young boy sighed heavily and again scanned his surroundings. Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to run away. But at the time it had seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do. His only escape really. When he was at the temple he couldn't leave without his Master. His ID-card was set so that he couldn't just walk out of the Temple. It was the Master's decision whether his Padawan was allowed to or not. Obi-Wan knew that he was one of the few children who didn't have this freedom since it was all a matter of trust between teacher and apprentice. But the boy had never had much trust from his Master. Not that he deserved it, did he? He sighed. Now what? He hadn't really thought his plan through. He had been sure that he would somehow find a way to get to the upper levels again. And then? Well, maybe he could get on a transport undetected that would take him away to another planet. Maybe somewhere in the Mid-Rim. The worlds there were usually not as heavily guarded as those near the capital of the Republic but still not as chaotic as those of the Outer Rim.  
  
He didn't know what he would do for a living. All he wanted was to get away from his Master, away from the Jedi, who would just condemn him for betraying Calan. He just wanted to be free of fear. Free of his old life.  
  
Well, he had made his decision and now he had to find a way to live with it. He briefly thought of Xanatos, how he had told him that he liked to leave everything behind. Maybe, just maybe the older Padawan was a kindred spirit. But no, nobody ever thought the way Obi-Wan did. Nobody ever felt the way he did.  
  
With a determined stride, he walked on.  
  
**********************  
  
Somehow the alleys looked even darker now than they had upon arriving at the level. Xanatos shuddered to think what could happen to a boy of Obi- Wan's age down here. What he couldn't understand was why the Padawan had run away. Xanatos had thought that he had managed to get a little trust from the boy. He had thought that Obi-Wan would talk to him when something was troubling him. Maybe he was just being naive. As if he always asked someone for help when he had a problem. No, he hardly ever did. He knew that he could tell Qui-Gon anything and that the Master would listen patiently but somehow it always seemed to him that he gave up another bit of the little independence he had. As if he gave away a bit of himself. Xanatos shook his head to stop the brooding. This was not the time to contemplate his attitude towards life.  
  
He again scanned the area with the Force sensing a couple of lifeforms but no Force-sensitive.  
  
He sighed heavily. He didn't like the fact that Calan was also searching for Obi-Wan. Whatever it was the man had done to the boy was enough to drive him to the conclusion that there was no other way than to escape while on a mission. And Xanatos was sure that this was about something Calan had done. No matter what Qui-Gon said, he couldn't trust Obi-Wan's Master. And he knew that if the man found the Padawan first, Obi-Wan would really be in trouble. No, he didn't like this one bit.  
  
**********************  
  
The streets were deserted. No sign of Kenobi. Either he simply wasn't there or he was shielding so strongly that he was undetectable through the Force. But Rin Calan knew the abilities of his Padawan and he also knew that the boy wasn't that good.  
  
He needed to find him...desperately. And then he would have to invent a really original story. Otherwise his life as a Jedi-Master would be over. He knew that. It wasn't as if he was oblivious to the fact that his teaching methods weren't the ones the Jedi generally preferred. But that didn't mean they were the wrong ones. He had seen first-hand what the soft methods of the Order did. He had made that mistake once and he wouldn't make it again. Some children simply needed a strong hand. He didn't hate his Padawan, but he knew that the boy needed to learn what it meant to be humble.  
  
He would find him. And he would teach him his limits.  
  
**********************  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn was a patient man but at the moment he felt quite a few of the things he always told his Padawan to suppress: anger, impatience, frustration, confusion... The Master had just commed the Temple to tell them that Obi-Wan was missing and that they had to send another team to negotiate between the clans because they wouldn't make it in time. In addition to that Mace Windu had informed him, that the weather control system had a defect of some kind and that, as a result, a storm was coming up. This wasn't too rare and normally it wouldn't have bothered him too much. Coruscant was a large planet and the system was very complex. It was normal that failures occurred. But did they have to occur now of all times? This wasn't at all the way he had imagined this mission to work out. Whatever had possessed the boy to run away? Why couldn't he talk to someone about his problems?  
  
Qui-Gon briefly closed his eyes to centre himself. Whatever it was that had led the Padawan to this decision, it was probably a serious issue and he should try to understand it. He didn't dislike Obi-Wan. In fact, in the lightsabre-class he had once taught, Obi-Wan had been one of his best students. It was the way Xanatos had suggested that Master Calan was to blame for this that deeply unsettled Qui-Gon. His Padawan had been too sure about it. And worse, he had been too angry about it.  
  
Qui-Gon scanned the area again, not really expecting to find anything when something suddenly stirred in the Force. Stopping his stride abruptly he did it again and this time he could be sure: it was definitely another Force-sensitive.  
  
Following the faint signature, he walked into an even smaller and darker alley than the one he had just left and there, at the end of it, where a small hut built of old and battered durasteel blocked the path stood Obi- Wan, peering uncertainly inside.  
  
Qui-Gon slowly made his way towards him watching for signs that the boy knew of his presence. When there was one, it took the Jedi-Master completely by surprise. The Padawan didn't look up, he didn't even turn around. Instead he suddenly let out a deep breath and his shoulders sagged. With his head bowed he stood there, waiting.  
  
Ever so slowly Qui-Gon closed the distance between them and cautiously addressed the boy. "Padawan?"  
  
The apprentice turned around, not speaking, not looking at the Master, hardly breathing. Qui-Gon was at a loss what to do.  
  
"Obi-Wan, are you okay?"  
  
"Yes, Master Jinn," hardly more than a breath, still not looking up.  
  
Qui-Gon lifted his hand to the boys chin, wanting to make him look into his eyes, but Obi-Wan flinched at the touch and the Master retreated. "Obi-Wan, look at me."  
  
Hesitantly, Obi-Wan did as he was told. His eyes were scared and a resignation shone in them that took Qui-Gon's breath away. His voice still soft, he ventured: "Why did you run away?"  
  
Again, Obi-Wan bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Master Jinn. I will submit to any punishment you see fit."  
  
For a moment, Qui-Gon was at a loss for words. The boy hadn't answered his question but was already awaiting his punishment without an explanation of his actions.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I asked you a question. I want an explanation before punishing you." The soft tone of his voice took the sting out of his words.  
  
The apprentice opened his mouth to say something when Qui-Gon's commlink beeped. A bit irritated he took it out of his pocket and switched it on. "Jinn here!"  
  
"Master, where are you? Is Master Calan with you? A new Jedi-team has arrived and they told me about a storm and I've been waiting for you for almost 20 minutes!"  
  
Qui-Gon closed his eyes. He had forgotten the time. But why was Calan not there? "I'm sorry, Padawan. I found Obi-Wan. Where are you now?"  
  
"Is he okay?"  
  
"Yes, he's okay. Have you tried to contact Master Calan?"  
  
The agitated voice of his Padawan sounded slightly strained through the static. "Yes, I have. But I can't reach him. I'm in the ship the new team arrived in. The pilot is telling me that he has to get back to the Temple now before the storm gets more severe!"  
  
"I can't get back to the meeting-point fast enough. Try to contact Calan again and then take the ship to the Temple. We'll stay down here till the storm has passed."  
  
Xanatos seemed hesitant to leave his Master behind but after a short pause his voice came back. "Yes, Master. I will do that. I will see you at the Temple then...as soon as possible. And Master...take care."  
  
Qui-Gon had to smile at this. "You too, my Padawan." With that he switched the commlink off and turned back to Obi-Wan.  
  
************************  
  
Xanatos didn't know what to make of this development. So Obi-Wan had been found. And not by Calan. That in itself was a good thing. But where was the man now? Punching in the code Xanatos waited. To his surprise it only took a few moments before it was answered.  
  
"What is it, Padawan?"  
  
Xanatos was about to make a comment to the harsh reply but he restrained himself, thinking that they had other problems at the moment. "My Master has found Obi-Wan."  
  
There was an unreadable silence on the other end. Xanatos was about to speak again, when Calan's harsh voice came on. "I'm on my way back."  
  
No enquiry as to how his Padawan was doing, whether he was hurt or worse. Xanatos felt another wave of anger pass through him but he ignored it for the moment. It wouldn't change anything if he yelled at the man now. Instead, he briefly explained their situation.  
  
When he was done, Calan said, "I'm too far away as well. I will find my way back to the Temple when the storm is over."  
  
With that the link was cut off. Xanatos stared ahead deep in thought when he heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. He looked up to see the pilot standing in the doorway that led to the cockpit, waiting for him to give his orders. And in that moment Xanatos knew that he had to disobey his Master. There was something inside him that told him exactly what to do. "Go back to the Temple and tell them we will contact them later." And without waiting for an answer, Xanatos strode down the landing ramp, leaving a confused pilot behind.  
  
*********************  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn had trained two Padawans and taught countless apprentices in various subjects. Never in his life had he encountered a young Jedi such as this one. He had told Obi-Wan to follow him and the boy had done so without a word. Not that the Master had anticipated any objections and it wasn't this that troubled him. It was a feeling he had when he looked at the boy. First of all, Obi-Wan had very strong shields that were highly unusual for someone his age. Children at the Temple were taught from an early age to protect their thoughts from other people. But those other people were generally no Force-users. It was much more difficult to shield against a Force-sensitive and the junior Padawans were not supposed to do so. They were supposed to think of the Order as their family, as people whom they could trust. But Obi-Wan was capable of shielding that rivalled that of most senior Padawans.  
  
Another cause for worry was the weariness Qui-Gon could feel in the boy, despite the shields. It was almost as if he had given up hope. But, the question was, hope for what? What was it Obi-Wan didn't expect to receive that was so important to him?  
  
Qui-Gon stopped and looked up for the hundredth time. He didn't know how severe a storm could get down here but he wasn't about to take any chances. Just when he wanted to start walking again he suddenly saw a building that seemed relatively intact on this level. He scanned it with the Force and could sense only a few low lifeforms.  
  
Satisfied, he turned to Obi-Wan. "We will stay in there for the night. Hopefully, the storm will have passed by tomorrow."  
  
Obi-Wan just nodded and followed him. Once settled inside, he tried again to get the boy to talk to him. "Are you hungry, Obi-Wan?"  
  
The Padawan looked uncertain but then he said, "Yes, Master Jinn. A little."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled slightly and took out two ration bars, handing one to his companion who answered with a barely audible "Thank you."  
  
They ate in silence with Qui-Gon contemplating how best to find out why the boy had run away. When they were finished he tried to approach the matter a bit differently than before.  
  
"Obi-Wan, did you know that it was me who brought you to the Temple?"  
  
The Padawan looked at him in surprise. He clearly hadn't known. Qui-Gon smiled gently at him and continued. "I was on a routine mission when I found you. Everyone at the Temple was cooing over you when we got back, marvelling at the small boy with the beautiful eyes."  
  
Qui-Gon laughed lightly and Obi-Wan smiled a bit. It occurred to the Master that this was the first time since the mission had started that he had seen this expression on the boy's face. Feeling that it was the right time, he changed the course of the conversation.  
  
"You know, Master Calan was also on that mission."  
  
The smile vanished instantly and Obi-Wan looked at the ground once again. Qui-Gon pushed on. "Obi-Wan, what..."  
  
"I'm sorry, Master Jinn, but I'm very tired. I would like to sleep if you do not have any objections."  
  
Qui-Gon was a bit taken aback by the interruption, but caught himself quickly. "Yes, of course, Padawan. Try to sleep." With that Obi-Wan turned his back to him and lay down on the floor.  
  
Qui-Gon stared at him. What was it, this boy was hiding?  
  
The Master remembered the mission he had just talked about vividly. That fateful mission. It had seemed easy. Two teams had been assigned to it. Qui- Gon and his Padawan Lieven, who had been 19 at the time and Calan and his 16-year-old apprentice Nall. Their orders were to help a tribe on Malastare who were being persecuted. The planet was in the Outer Rim where the Jedi normally didn't interfere, since the Republic didn't hold any power there. But if someone or a group of people called for help they went there, too.  
  
Upon arrival they learned that the majority of that tribe were slaves to the royal family and that they had been lied to. The Jedi couldn't do anything against slavery. It was normal on Malastare.  
  
But with their presence alone they had angered the rulers. The situation had escalated and soon they had been in the middle of a small war between the slaves and their oppressors. And in the midst of all the chaos, when they had been inside the palace trying to find a way out, a young woman, a slave by the thin collar around her neck, had appeared with a bundle in her arms. Qui-Gon had realised immediately that the child she carried was Force- sensitive.  
  
With tears streaming down her face she had given him the small bundle, only whispering four words: "His name is Obi-Wan." Then she had vanished.  
  
For a moment Qui-Gon had stood there, immobilised, before Lieven had screamed for him to move.  
  
They had found a way to freedom at last but it had taken a long time. Too long, and Nall had paid for it with his life.  
  
He didn't remember much about their flight back to Coruscant. He remembered Lieven telling him to leave her alone. Her sitting in a corner most of the time, her slight frame shaking with sobs. He remembered Calan staring into nothingness, not shedding a tear. And he remembered his own feelings of helplessness, wanting to take his Padawan into his arms to comfort her, his need to be close to her, not being able to imagine the pain the other Master was feeling. But she hadn't wanted him to comfort her. It had been one of the first reminders that she was growing up, needing to take care of her problems herself. It had been a painful reminder.  
  
But he also remembered holding the small bundle close to him the entire flight. The baby didn't once cry or whimper, as if he knew that something terrible had happened.  
  
Qui-Gon had told Obi-Wan the truth. The boy had captured everyone's attention at the Temple. And he had regarded all the foreign people with wide, beautiful eyes. But there had been one person who hadn't looked back.  
  
Master Rin Calan closed himself off after Nall's death. And it took him twelve years before he chose another Padawan. That he took Obi-Wan had been a surprise to everyone. Qui-Gon knew that Yoda had been suspicious but he himself had just thought that it was good for the Master to have an apprentice again. Maybe Obi-Wan was the only one who could really help him overcome his past.  
  
But now it almost seemed as if he couldn't have been more wrong.  
  
Looking over to the small form on the floor, Qui-Gon sensed that the boy wasn't asleep but he let him have his rest. Shrugging deeper into his robe he prepared himself for a long and restless night. 


	6. Chapter 6

Asmodeus1389: Thanks! I'm glad you think they are well portrayed. I'm always a bit worried about that.  
  
Wolfkyr: Thanks you!!!  
  
Warrior of the Pen: You should really be at the top of the page, but I'm just doing it in the order everyone reviewed. Thanks for the encouragement and I hope you get a few other things done as well.  
  
Emma: Wow, thanks for the compliment, although my English teacher would probably laugh his head off if he heard you describing my English as fluent. But it's very encouraging, anyway!  
  
Author's Note: This really took a long time and I'm sorry about it. Well, I hope you're still out there and haven't given up on me, yet. My story has been betaed now by Shaindl, so you won't have to put up with all those grammatical and spelling mistakes. Thanks for reading!  
  
Chapter 6  
  
The night was cold down there. Colder than it ever got at the Temple. Obi- Wan could see his breath in the dim light one of the moons provided. The small globe looked so much tinier than at the Temple although there wasn't much difference in distance, astronomically speaking.  
  
He lay on his back at the entrance of the building. It had only looked intact from the outside. Inside there was as much rubble as in the one they had been the night before. They hadn't gone far in and Obi-Wan had no idea what would happen now. He would be punished of course. He couldn't for the life of him understand why Master Jinn hadn't already done it. Maybe because the punishment would be so much worse than what the Master could do. Maybe he would be thrown out of the Temple. Would he be sent to Agricorps? Or wouldn't he even be good enough to work for the Jedi as a farmer?  
  
Somehow Obi-Wan felt that he should be afraid. But he wasn't; just hollow, empty. He had disappointed them all. His Master, Qui-Gon, Master Yoda and worst of all, Xanatos. What would the older Padawan say about his behaviour? Would he even say anything? Or would he just stand there, the disappointment at his failure in his eyes? Somehow imagining that hurt the worst. Risking a glance towards Master Jinn, he saw that the man was meditating. He seemed calm, not at all as if he was planning to hit Obi- Wan. But he had learned never to trust in the calm serenity of a Jedi Master. And suddenly, staring at Qui-Gon, another thought hit him like lightning. He had betrayed Nall.  
  
*********************  
  
Jedi Master Rin Calan was, for the second time in only two days, experiencing fear, an emotion he had thought didn't exist in him any longer. But there it was. Not panic, not the breathtaking fear one experienced when their life was being threatened, but a fear of the future. He had to get away from the others. The storm was exactly the reason he needed. He had to find his centre and then he had to think of a really good story to instil in his Padawan. He wouldn't lose the boy. He was his to train, his to prepare for this universe. And Calan would make sure that his Padawan was well prepared for it. He wouldn't make the same mistakes he had made with Nall.  
  
No, he had learned his lesson. He had learned it the hard way but a lesson was a lesson, no matter how high the price for it was. One day, his Padawan would understand that. But Obi-Wan is not Nall, a voice inside him piped up. He's not that bright, intelligent boy. He does not have the same potential. He tried to ignore the voice but it kept on talking. You know, you will lose him anyway. You've known all along. Kenobi will turn. And you will be left once again. He's just a worthless little brat. It's his fault Nall is dead. If it hadn't been for him, you wouldn't have lost so much time on Malastare. It's his fault. And Jinn's for saving him. He's just the worthless son of a slave. But was he? Calan wasn't so sure. Kenobi had been a baby back then, which didn't mean that he was innocent. Nobody was. Calan knew that much. But was it really his fault that Nall had died? Had it really taken longer to get out because of the boy? But, no, it didn't matter. His methods were the right ones. The Master was sure of that. The reasons really didn't matter all that much. What mattered was that Kenobi deserved what he got. Yes, he does. He's worthless. He will never be a Jedi. Better break him now, before he can break you. Calan tried once again to get the voice out of his head. But wasn't it speaking the truth? Wasn't this exactly the reason why he treated his Padawan the way he did? You're doing the right thing. It's the only way to spare yourself the disappointment. It's his fault you don't have a real Padawan any more. It's all his fault. Yes, Calan knew that it was true and he would make Kenobi pay as he had done before. He would teach him what it meant to be punished.  
  
He had to find Obi-Wan. But not because the boy would tell anyone about his Master's teaching methods. He was quite sure that his Padawan wouldn't talk. He was much too scared for that. Calan had made him much too scared, and too guilty. Yes, guilt was the key word. It was more powerful than any beatings he could ever have given to Kenobi. And he had used it a lot. No, Kenobi wasn't the one he was afraid of. Neither was Jinn. But that worthless apprentice of his was, as much as Calan didn't like to admit it. But he wouldn't give up so easily. He would think of an excuse why the boy had run away. He just needed some time.  
  
*********************  
  
Xanatos wasn't entirely sure why he had left the ship. Which wasn't a good thing, considering that he had to have an excuse later when he would explain to his Master exactly why he had disobeyed him. But the Force had told him to stay down here. And wasn't this what Qui-Gon always told him? Listen to the Force. Well, he had done that now. And look where it got you, a tiny voice inside his head remarked sarcastically. He looked around. No, the area definitely wasn't one he would have thought to find himself in during their little vacation from missions. The buildings looked even worse than the night before, but that was probably just an illusion because he was alone now. Xanatos heaved a sigh. The Force had directed him to leave the ship, but now it seemed to have left him alone. He didn't know where he had to go and he didn't know either what the storm would be like down here. But he knew for sure that he had to find Calan. Otherwise he would never be able to prove that he had done something to Obi-Wan.  
  
***********************  
  
Qui-Gon came out of his meditation to see Obi-Wan sitting up and staring at the ground. It seemed to be a position the boy took on continually. He stretched out his legs and saw the Padawan briefly look up at him. Just for a second the boy looked him in the eyes before examining the ground again. Outside Qui-Gon could hear the wind stirring some of the rubble but it was far from a real storm.  
  
"Have you slept a little, Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Yes, Master Jinn."  
  
Silence. Qui-Gon began to wonder whether the boy ever said more than two words in a row. Well, time to get him to talk a bit. After all, he had run away and he still hadn't explained himself.  
  
"Obi-Wan, why did you run away? You can tell me." When the boy didn't answer, he tried another approach. Maybe it was time that he took Xanatos' words into consideration. "If you don't want me to, I won't tell your Master."  
  
Obi-Wan flinched at that but he looked up. Qui-Gon wasn't sure what the boy was searching for in his eyes but he obviously couldn't find it. So when he averted his eyes again, the Jedi Master knew that he had lost. And he didn't even know what he had hoped to gain.  
  
He didn't push it. After all, it wasn't really his place to interfere. Obi- Wan was Calan's Padawan and whatever had happened between Master and apprentice – and Qui-Gon still wasn't sure anything had happened – they had to figure it out on their own. Calan was a Jedi. He would find a solution.  
  
*************************  
  
The hand seemed to come out of nowhere. Calan had always prided himself on his focus and he realised a second too late that it had left him in the worst moment possible. He didn't know Xanatos well and he had never really wanted to know him well. He was just another perfect Padawan of Jinn. So why should he have any interest in him? It was this moment that he wished he knew him better. Xanatos was almost as tall as Calan and that combined with the aspect of surprise led to Calan being pressed against a wall with a powerful hand at his throat, not trying to injure but clearly intending to restrain.  
  
"What did you do to him?" It was ground out through clenched teeth and barely more than a whisper.  
  
It took Calan a moment to regain his composure and the power to shove the Padawan away from him.  
  
"Whatever are you talking about, Padawan?" He deliberately used the title. He would not be treated with this disrespect.  
  
"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Master Calan." The title was almost an insult in that tone. "Why did Obi-Wan run away? You know it. And don't try to deny it."  
  
Calan froze inside but his outward demeanour was one of cool amusement. Arrogantly he said, "Now, now, Padawan. You don't want to make any suggestions, do you? After all, you're talking about my apprentice here. It's not as if I'm not worried about him."  
  
"Oh, so that's why you didn't even enquire about his state when I told you Qui-Gon had found him. I could practically feel your concern for him over the distance." Xanatos voice was dripping with sarcasm.  
  
Calan felt his control slipping. He turned on Xanatos, almost shouting his next words. "You will not talk to me in such a manner, Padawan Xanatos. You have no idea what you're talking about. You're just an arrogant little boy who has decided that he should have a little power. But I didn't expect anything else from Jinn's apprentice. Just as arrogant as your Master, the great, almighty Jedi. But let me tell you this, this galaxy doesn't work that way. You're nothing here. Just like your Master is nothing."  
  
Xanatos felt the anger inside him at the insult to his Master, but he pushed it down. He couldn't let it get the better of him now. He needed to stay focused. Calan was just playing into his hands. If he could just make the man lose control he would soon know everything he wanted to know. He took a steadying breath and launched his next attack.  
  
"Is that the reason why you hate Obi-Wan? Because he doesn't respect you enough? Doesn't kneel before you, waiting for you to allow him to rise?" He was goading the man now, but maybe that was exactly what it would take.  
  
To his surprise, Calan laughed. A harsh, cruel laugh that gave Xanatos the chills.  
  
"Oh, do you really think it's that easy? That black and white? You really are naive. Jinn has always protected you too much from reality. You wouldn't last a day out in the universe."  
  
"And Obi-Wan would? Is he prepared well enough?"  
  
"Yes, he is!" Calan shouted.  
  
"But I wonder how you prepared him so well. Tell me, Master Calan. Did you like to prepare him for this harsh world? Did you enjoy hardening him?"  
  
Xanatos expected Calan to shout at him again, to defend himself. But Calan didn't. Instead he took a step towards Xanatos and told him in a harsh whisper what the Padawan had hoped never to hear.  
  
"Yes, Xanatos. I enjoyed it. Obi-Wan is worthless and he knows it. Or at least now he knows it, because I confronted him with this reality. Oh, but he made it difficult for me. He struggled against me. Ever heard of the expression 'to beat something into someone'? It works, you know. It works perfectly. But I have to admit that Kenobi was a hard case. Too much self- confidence. That doesn't become a Jedi. But a fine mixture of physical and mental punishment can take care of that. You would never know what a powerful ally guilt and fear are. Now you know the truth. But what do you want to do now? Because I can assure you that Obi-Wan will never say anything. That's another thing I was very successful in ensuring."  
  
The wind had picked up around them, but Xanatos didn't realise it. He felt the anger within him growing. He felt it taking up more and more of his mind. He felt it consume him. The light faded from him faster than the weather made it. Darkness was all around him, in him, eating him up. He wanted nothing more than to destroy this monster who had inflicted so much on an innocent child. No, he wanted to do more than destroy him, he wanted to make him feel all the agony the man had put Obi-Wan through. And suddenly there was a bright light where the bond with Qui-Gon was. But he wouldn't let his Master interfere in this. He stamped it down. And then there was only darkness. Pure and destructive. He would kill Calan.  
  
With a cry of rage Xanatos jumped towards the Master, flinging him against the wall of a building. He heard himself shouting something, but he couldn't understand the words. The darkness had dampened all sound. He forgot everything - his training, Qui-Gon, even the deadly weapon on his belt. He wanted to kill Calan with his own hands.  
  
And then, suddenly, he felt a sharp pain and the darkness was pierced by the orange blade of Calan's lightsabre. He stumbled back and even while the darkness lifted and he heard Qui-Gon's voice in his head he watched the Master run away from him. And he couldn't do anything to stop him. And then he felt the storm roaring around him. A small part of his brain screamed at him to find some protection. Qui-Gon's voice screamed at him to answer. He didn't know where he was. He didn't care. He stumbled towards the next building and crawled into it. Still with a dark fog surrounding him, he slumped against the wall, ignoring his Master, and lost consciousness.  
  
*************************  
  
Qui-Gon felt the first wave of anger from his Padawan for only a second before tight shields were erected. He wondered what could have triggered such emotions but didn't worry about it.  
  
Then the storm picked up. And with it came the darkness over his soul. The anger that ripped through him was not his own but he felt it as if it was. The world around him closed, vanished, ceased to matter. He was alone in a maelstrom of total darkness. It was roaring in his ears. It threatened to eat him up. With an effort he ripped away from the bond he had with Xanatos. Gasping, he tried to orientate himself. He distantly saw Obi-Wan looking at him in surprise and maybe fear. Then he cried into the link, screaming for his Padawan. But he didn't get an answer, just darkness. Qui- Gon tried it again and again, while the pressure in his head continued to build. He felt pain but knew it was not his own and then nothing. The darkness vanished. The bond was silent.  
  
Trying to determine what had happened, Qui-Gon again sent a message to Xanatos but he got no answer. Breathing heavily, he turned towards Obi-Wan who sat pressed up against the wall, knees under his chin, eyes wide open. And that was it what finally brought Qui-Gon back to the present. He didn't know what had just happened to his Padawan, but there wasn't anything he could do about it now. He had to focus on the here and now. And the here and now involved a very frightened child.  
  
"Obi-Wan, it's okay. Don't be afraid. It will be all right."  
  
Qui-Gon waited for the boy to ask him what had happened but Obi-Wan didn't. He didn't move at all, just stared at him, waiting.  
  
"It was just a disruption in the bond. I'm sure Xanatos is okay. Come here."  
  
He held out his arms, but Obi-Wan made no move to crawl into them. Instead he once again averted his eyes to the floor, saying nothing. Qui-Gon sighed.  
  
"Try to sleep a bit, Obi-Wan. Or meditate. We are safe here from the weather.  
  
An almost imperceptible nod was his answer. Drawing his cloak tighter around himself, Qui-Gon sat back against the other wall. And with the storm roaring outside he tried desperately to focus his mind and ease the turmoil within. But before he even tried to meditate, he knew it would be useless. 


	7. Chapter 7

Warrior of the Pen: Thanks a lot! I know it's a minor miracle that I updated so soon. :o)  
  
WolfKyr: Thank you! I hope I updated soon enough. I don't want to responsible for any health problems. :o)  
  
Chapter 7  
  
Darkness surrounded him. Darkness filled him. Xanatos pushed at it, but it didn't give. He tried to perceive something beyond it, but the only thing he could hear was the distant roar of a storm. Where was he? Why was there a storm? He again pushed at the darkness and finally it seemed to yield. He felt the power within him recede. Strange, he hadn't felt the power before, but he shook himself from its grasp and emerged into the real world. The storm wasn't distant. He could hear it only a few meters away, but the building he sat in protected him. Then the events came rushing back to him - the mission to the lower levels, the two clans, Obi-Wan missing and being found again and finally Calan's admission. He again felt the darkness push its way into him but he reached out to the Force and found light. He wouldn't be pulled under again, anger would lead to nothing now.  
  
Xanatos moved to stand up and felt a sharp pain in his midsection. He looked down and saw his tunic hanging in burnt shards from his chest. Beneath it the flesh was scorched but he saw immediately that it wasn't a very serious wound. He would deal with that later. Seeing that the storm was still going strong, he decided that he would deal with the matter of finding his Master later as well. That left only one thing for him to deal with now. What the hell had just happened? Xanatos sank down to the ground once more and started trying to remember the exact events before he had passed out.  
  
Qui-Gon had told him to take the ship up to the Temple. Xanatos had disobeyed him because he had felt from the Force that he should search for Calan. He had left the ship, going in the direction Calan had disappeared.  
  
And then he had found Calan and the Master had told him what he had wanted to know but hadn't wanted to believe. Calan had abused Obi-Wan, had beaten him and punished him mentally. And Xanatos had lost control. He tried to recall what it had felt like and it came to him easily. Not just the memory but the power he had felt itself. More power than he had ever had at his disposal, more power than he had ever imagined having. But there it was, easily within his grasp. He just had to reach out and claim it, making it his, giving himself over to it. But no; the power was tainted, he had felt it before but not to this degree. It was then that he realised what it was he had almost done just now, what he had done only a few hours ago. Breathing hard and staring at the opposite wall, Xanatos realised that he had betrayed everything he had ever lived for.  
  
**********************  
  
Obi-Wan heard the storm subside outside and knew that they would go back to the Temple now. Back to his Master. To a punishment he couldn't even imagine. Obi-Wan took a deep shuddering breath when he heard Master Jinn coming towards him. The Master had been nothing but gentle with him but Obi- Wan didn't trust him. He knew where that would lead.  
  
"Come, Obi-Wan. I think it's safe to go out now." The Jedi's voice was encouraging again.  
  
Obi-Wan stood up and followed the man out of the building. Outside, hardly anything had changed. The street was still full of rubble. Trying not to stumble, the Padawan went after the Master, not knowing what would happen now or where they were going.  
  
Suddenly Master Jinn stopped, closing his eyes as if searching for something within himself. Then he started walking again without a word. They walked along several blocks of buildings, not encountering anyone or hearing the slightest indication that other life forms were nearby. Then they stopped before another run-down structure. Obi-Wan looked up, trying to see anything unusual, anything that indicated why they had stopped here, but he couldn't see anything.  
  
Master Jinn stepped over the rubble in the entrance way and into the building. It was dark inside, as it was everywhere else and the older Jedi took out his lightsabre to illuminate his surroundings. He held it out in all directions, searching, before it's light fell on a crumpled form on one wall.  
  
Obi-Wan couldn't hold in the gasp as he saw Xanatos lying on the floor, his tunic ripped and burnt.  
  
**************************  
  
Qui-Gon had known the moment he had felt the darkness coming over the bond that his Padawan had disobeyed him and was still on Coruscant's lower levels. So he didn't waste any time calling the Temple to ask for him but started searching immediately. It didn't take him long to sense the young man's position. But what he found took his breath away for a moment. His Padawan seemed to be unconscious or sleeping and he was definitely hurt. Without another thought he ran towards the still form, crouching down beside him.  
  
**********************  
  
Xanatos came awake immediately when someone dropped down beside him. Instinctively reaching for his lightsabre, the first thing he saw was Obi- Wan standing a few metres away, his eyes wide, staring at him. He turned his head and looked into the concerned eyes of his Master. He almost sobbed with relief but he managed to compose himself and just took a shuddering breath.  
  
"Master..." It came out as a whisper and the relief was evident in his voice.  
  
Qui-Gon reached out, touching his Padawan's cheek softly. "Padawan, what happened to you?"  
  
Xanatos wanted to tell him then, wanted to tell him everything that had happened, about Calan and his admission, about his own anger, about the darkness and the fear. But he couldn't. Not here, not now. Not when Obi-Wan was standing only a short distance away, still staring at him with frightened eyes. And so instead of begging his Master for help as he had decided to do only a few minutes ago, he lied to him.  
  
"I'm fine, Master. I think we should call the transport now."  
  
Xanatos didn't know whether Qui-Gon had guessed his reasons for not saying anything or whether he really believed his Padawan but the Master let it drop and took out his comlink. He spoke with the Temple only briefly, then closed the connection.  
  
"The transport is already on its way. It won't be long until it arrives."  
  
Having taken care of that, Qui-Gon once again knelt by his Padawan's side, examining the wound on his chest.  
  
"It's a minor burn. Don't worry, it will heal quickly."  
  
Xanatos nodded but his Master didn't look at him. He realised that the man was studiously avoiding looking him in the eyes. So instead the Padawan focused on the younger boy, still standing on the other side, now staring at the ground.  
  
"Hey, Obi-Wan.You okay?"  
  
The boy nodded and even came forward a bit but still kept his distance.  
  
While Qui-Gon applied bacta to the burn Xanatos studied Obi-Wan. The young Padawan seemed physically all right but of course Xanatos didn't know what he looked like under the tunic. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to find out. What Calan had told him had been exactly what he hadn't wanted to hear. What would happen to Obi-Wan now? Would he get a new Master or was he too damaged to become a Jedi?  
  
Qui-Gon had just finished tending his Padawan's wound when they heard the approaching transport. The Master helped Xanatos up and together the three went outside.  
  
Upon boarding the ship another thought occurred to Xanatos – was he too damaged to become a Jedi?  
  
**************************  
  
Obi-Wan Kenobi was accustomed to following orders. He had learned to do so early on as an initiate. Maybe that was the reason why he had survived with the Jedi as long as he had. It certainly wasn't because of his skills.  
  
When Obi-Wan had first met Xanatos, another world was revealed to him. A world where one thought freely and without being punished for it. A world where orders were a part of the outside world and didn't come from within him. Orders that made sense and weren't a product of his own guilt. Obi-Wan admired the older Padawan, not for his skills as a Jedi but for his skills as a human being. Despite this experience, it came as somewhat of a shock to him when he realised that Xanatos had disobeyed a direct order from his Master.  
  
Master Jinn had told him to go back to the Temple. Xanatos had stayed. And something had happened. Obi-Wan didn't know what it was but it had had an impact on the Master. It had somehow crossed their bond. Obi-Wan's bond with his Master had never been a strong one, but Obi-Wan was quite sure that it took more than a bit anxiety to make the other feel it. And he also knew that if something crossed the bond, a punishment was warranted. A Padawan was never to disturb his Master with his own feelings. That was one of the first things Obi-Wan had learned from Master Calan. So how could something like this happen to Xanatos, a Padawan strong in the Force, and successful in everything he did?  
  
The Jedi didn't speak on their way back to the Temple and upon arrival, their first destination was the Healers' wing, where Xanatos was to be checked for any other injuries. It was Master Geminga who tended to his wounds and he gave Obi-Wan a friendly smile in passing. Obi-Wan smiled back, knowing that Geminga's Padawan Bant would be out in a minute. It didn't even take a minute for her to arrive in the waiting room and after a respectful bow to Master Jinn she took Obi-Wan by the arm and pulled him into the hallway.  
  
"Are you alright, Obi?" Her huge eyes were full of concern Obi-Wan couldn't understand.  
  
"Of course, I am. The storm wasn't that bad down there. We just had to stay in one of the buildings."  
  
Bant looked at him with incredulity written all over her face. "I'm talking about Master Calan."  
  
Obi-Wan's heart wrenched in his chest. Master Calan? What about him? Did Bant know? Did she know about all the punishments he wasn't supposed to talk about? Did she know about his failing as a Padawan? About his running away? With a lump forming in his throat, he asked, "What about Master Calan?"  
  
It was Bant's turn to be astonished. "Didn't you hear? He didn't come back. The Temple can't contact him. He's just disappeared. I heard it from my Master. They're all looking for him."  
  
Obi-Wan swayed. His mind was in turmoil. His Master gone? What would happen now? Did that mean that he was finally free of him? But what did that mean for his future? The young Padawan wanted to sob, wanted to just sit down and weep and never get up again. He wanted to forget about the world, about his future, about responsibility. He felt like crying and he didn't even know whether it was out of joy or sorrow.  
  
**************************  
  
It was Mace who had told Qui-Gon about Calan. It was just one more thing to worry about. He was so tired of worrying. His mind seemed numbed by the day's events. It felt like an eternity since they had left for their mission only yesterday.  
  
Qui-Gon had sent Xanatos to their quarters after the Healers were done with him and had taken Obi-Wan to Mace. The Council Member had promised to take care of the boy until a solution was found. Qui-Gon would think about that tomorrow. Now he had to deal with his own Padawan. That was the reason why he now stood before the door to his own quarters trying to compose himself for what lay ahead. After another deep breath he finally palmed the lock and went inside.  
  
Xanatos was sitting on the couch of the living area, obviously deep in thought but he looked up immediately when Qui-Gon entered. The Master took off his cloak, hanging it neatly in the wardrobe and then sat down beside his Padawan. For a moment neither of them talked, Qui-Gon staring at the traffic that passed the large window on one side of the room, Xanatos staring at the vid screen that was at the moment turned off.  
  
Then the younger man started to talk. "I followed Calan." It was said neutrally, without any emotion.  
  
Qui-Gon turned towards Xanatos, looking at him, waiting for him to elaborate, but not saying anything.  
  
"I was on the transport and something told me to stay, to follow Calan."  
  
"The Force told you to stay?"  
  
"I think so. I hope so."  
  
The last statement was whispered and Qui-Gon briefly wondered about it but then turned back to more pressing matters. "You disobeyed me."  
  
Xanatos' mouth curved into an ironic smile. "Certain orders have to be disobeyed so that others remember they might sometimes be wrong."  
  
Qui-Gon had to smile as well as he heard his own teachings repeated. In a soft voice he continued, "What happened then, Padawan?"  
  
The smile vanished from Xanatos' face and was again replaced by a troubled look. "I found Calan. I asked him why Obi-Wan had run away.  
  
"Xanatos..."  
  
"No, don't interrupt me." Xanatos turned a pleading gaze to his Master. "Please, don't interrupt me."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded to him to continue, the silence of the room suddenly oppressive and loud to his ears.  
  
"He taunted me and insulted us both and I got angry." Xanatos sucked in a breath. "I shouted at him to tell me and then... then he told me."  
  
Qui-Gon's voice had a hoarse edge when he spoke again. "What did he say?"  
  
"He told me that he had abused Obi-Wan, beaten him, told him he was worthless. He just told me, without remorse."  
  
Qui-Gon didn't want to hear any more, but he had to. He had to know what his Padawan had done then. He had to. "And then?"  
  
"I snapped. I threw him against a wall and screamed at him. And then he suddenly had his lightsabre. He injured me and then he was gone and I became unconscious. That's all I remember."  
  
But it wasn't. There was more. He had drawn power from the dark side but he didn't tell his Master. He had been prepared to do it back down there. He had meant to tell him everything. But then Obi-Wan had been there and he couldn't.  
  
Xanatos waited for his Master to lecture him on the rightness of his emotions and his actions. But instead Qui-Gon hugged him. He pulled him into his arms and comforted him as he had done when the Padawan had still been a small child. In that instant Xanatos wondered whether anyone had ever done that to Obi-Wan. The crèche Masters were not overly demonstrative with their love, after all. Qui-Gon's voice pulled him back to the present.  
  
"We will work through this, we will work past the anger, Xani. I promise. I won't desert you."  
  
Xanatos wanted to cry then, wanted to cry tears of relief, but he couldn't.  
  
When Qui-Gon pulled back from him, the Master was smiling but it was a sad smile. "So, you were right, Padawan?"  
  
Xanatos sighed. "Unfortunately." Then a thought occurred to him. "What will happen to Obi-Wan, now? Will another Master take him?"  
  
"We will think of that tomorrow. For now, he's safe. Go to bed now, Xani. Good night."  
  
"Good night, Master."  
  
While he was preparing for bed, Xanatos wondered whether Obi-Wan was doing the same at the moment and how he felt. Would he be afraid with his Master still out there?  
  
He considered briefly calling him, but after the latest episode he would probably scare the boy more than calm him.  
  
He would think about that tomorrow. Yes, his Master was right. Or at least Xanatos hoped he was. 


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for all the great reviews! They always lighten up my day.  
  
Duce-Gemini: Thanks for the compliment. I've learned English at school for quite some time now, so I guess I should speak it relatively well. Thanks a lot!  
  
Chapter 8  
  
Qui-Gon Jinn was dead tired. He wanted nothing more than to sleep and yet he sat on the couch in the living area of his quarters staring at the vid- screen and not understanding a single word the newscaster said. So Obi-Wan had been abused. Xanatos had been right. Why hadn't Qui-Gon sensed anything? He should have felt that something was wrong immediately upon seeing the boy at the landing pad. And there had been a slight warning in the Force but he had ignored it, deeming it unimportant. What was wrong with his connection to the Force?  
  
His eyes still unfocused, Qui-Gon turned off the vid-screen. The Kenobi boy should be in bed by now, so he could comm Mace. He didn't want the boy to hear him talking to the other Master. He took out his commlink, typed in the frequency, then put it away again, took his cloak and left. Better talk to him in person.  
  
************************  
  
Mace Windu had just put the boy in the small spare room of his quarters and turned off the light when the buzzer of his door sounded. It was Qui-Gon and he didn't look happy.  
  
"May I come in?"  
  
"And hello to you, Qui-Gon. Sure, come in."  
  
Mace closed the door behind his friend and motioned for him to sit on the sofa.  
  
"Do you want something to drink?"  
  
Qui-Gon shook his head. "Is Obi-Wan asleep?"  
  
"Well, yes, I believe he is. What's the matter Qui-Gon? Did Xanatos tell you something about Calan or about what happened?"  
  
Qui-Gon hesitated, which worried the dark Jedi even more. Qui-Gon never hesitated. If he had something to say, he just said it. But Mace waited.  
  
"Calan told Xanatos that he had abused Obi-Wan."  
  
Qui-Gon looked down as he said it and then up at his friend to gauge his reaction. Mace felt like someone had slapped him. He wasn't sure what he had expected but it hadn't been this.  
  
"Qui, this is...I mean...are you sure?"  
  
"Xanatos told me and I have no reason not to believe him."  
  
Mace took a few deep breaths, trying to digest what he had just heard. Of course Qui-Gon was sure. He wouldn't have told him if he wasn't. But a Padawan abused? In the Temple? Without anyone realising it? He couldn't quite believe it. He tried to focus, to react to what he had been told, to somehow ask the other Jedi everything that was important. But what was important now? Mace shook his head to clear away the numbness.  
  
"Abused him mentally or physically?"  
  
"Probably both."  
  
Silence fell between the two men, each lost in his own thoughts until Mace finally spoke.  
  
"Have you talked to Obi-Wan about this?"  
  
"Of course, I haven't. What should I have said to him? 'Is it true that your Master beats you?'"  
  
"Okay, okay, stupid question. So what now?"  
  
"Mace, I don't know. Am I on the Council?"  
  
"What does it have to do with me being on the Council?"  
  
"I...I don't know. Sorry, Mace. It's just...it's a bit disconcerting that something like that could happen here in the Temple without anyone noticing, well, except Xanatos."  
  
Mace stared at the other Jedi. "Xanatos knew about this?"  
  
"He didn't know about it, but he suspected something. And I didn't listen to him." Silence again. "So, what will happen now?"  
  
Mace sighed. "I'll talk to Yoda tomorrow. He will know what to do. Let Obi- Wan sleep in peace for now. He's safe here."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded and stood up. At the door he turned around, looking at Mace again as if there was more he wanted to tell his friend, but he just said "Good night." and left.  
  
It would not be a good night. Mace was certain of that.  
  
**********************  
  
Obi-Wan lay in his bed listening to Master Windu walking around in the apartment.  
  
He was staring at the traffic outside the window when he heard the buzzer of the door and someone come into the apartment. He recognised the voice of Master Jinn but couldn't understand what the two men were talking about.  
  
Obi-Wan sighed, looking up at the ceiling. He wondered where his Master was and why he hadn't returned to the Temple. And why did he have to stay with Master Windu? It wasn't as if he was a little child. He was perfectly capable of being on his own. After some time he heard Master Jinn leave again and after a few more minutes all other sounds in the apartment ceased as well, indicating that Master Windu had gone to bed.  
  
Obi-Wan looked at the moving speeders outside again. He would have loved to open the window so he could hear the sounds of the city. But he knew that he would wake Master Windu if he did and he really didn't want to risk the Jedi's wrath. It was the last thought before he fell asleep.  
  
***************************  
  
Mace Windu had trained only one Padawan before he had obtained his seat on the Council. He always told himself that he would one day retire from this responsibility and take another apprentice, but for now he was used to living alone. So it came as a surprise when the first thing he heard upon waking was someone working in the small kitchen he so rarely used. It took him a moment before he could connect the sounds with the events of the last day. Then he got out of bed, dressed and walked out of his room.  
  
He was greeted by the sight of a fully laid table. A bit confused, he made his way to the kitchen and saw Obi-Wan with a tea-pot in his hands.  
  
"Good morning, Obi-Wan."  
  
"Good morning, Master Windu. I hope you slept well."  
  
Mace realised that the boy didn't meet his eyes when he spoke to him but kept them downcast.  
  
"Yes, I did. How about you?"  
  
Obi-Wan hesitated for a moment as if he hadn't expected to be asked a question in return. Then he replied in a small voice, "I slept well, Master Windu."  
  
Mace smiled at him but Obi-Wan didn't look up.  
  
"How about we eat now, Obi-Wan? The things you've prepared look delicious."  
  
The boy gave him a shy smile and went into the common room. They ate in silence and Mace took the time to observe the apprentice. Obi-Wan didn't bear any marks that would hint at abuse. But it was obvious that something was wrong. The boy was overly shy and had his shields up at all times. As he looked at the Padawan now, Mace vowed that they would find a way to keep Obi-Wan at the Temple. He wouldn't consent to sending him away now. Obi-Wan deserved better.  
  
********************  
  
Xanatos woke after a restless sleep. He felt just as exhausted as he had the evening before. He had dreamed something again and again, each time waking up only to fall asleep again and have the same dream once more. He couldn't remember what the dream had been about. After lying in his bed, staring at the ceiling for quite some time, Xanatos finally decided to get up and do something productive, like make breakfast. After all, Qui-Gon was always pleased if he did, maybe because it was such a rare occurrence since Xanatos wasn't exactly known for being a morning person.  
  
The Padawan prepared tea and set the table. When he was done he sat down in the common room and started reading. He needed something to do. It wasn't long before Qui-Gon came out of his room. The Master smiled at Xanatos upon seeing the breakfast and together they sat down and ate. Qui-Gon started talking after a few minutes.  
  
"I went to see Mace yesterday and told him about Obi-Wan. He will ask Yoda for advice."  
  
Xanatos nodded. "May I see him today? I thought I might get him to talk a bit."  
  
Qui-Gon hesitated. He knew that there were still some unresolved issues that needed to be addressed. He also knew that the burn on Xanatos' chest had been from Calan's lightsabre and that he should ask him about the other Master, but he guessed the Kenobi boy was more important at the moment. And maybe Xanatos could really reach the boy. Obi-Wan seemed to trust him to a certain degree. Qui-Gon nodded slowly.  
  
"I think it would be a good idea, Padawan."  
  
Xanatos smiled at him but still the worry remained.  
  
***************************  
  
Qui-Gon had spoken to Master Windu, who had agreed that Xanatos could spend some time with Obi-Wan while the Master spoke to Yoda. So now the older Padawan was on his way to Master Windu's quarters, a bit apprehensive and without the least idea how to start a conversation with Obi-Wan. He supposed it would just come naturally to him. He had always been quite good with children. But up to now, the children he had had to deal with had been initiates whose worst experience had consisted of a fight with a fellow crèche mate or a reprimand from one of the Masters. Obi-Wan was different and Xanatos had no idea how to deal with that.  
  
Upon reaching Master Windu's quarters he pushed the buzzer and waited. Xanatos knew that the Master was already gone so it came as no surprise that Obi-Wan opened the door. The older Padawan smiled down at the boy who greeted him formally with a bow.  
  
"Are you in the mood for a little walk, Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Of course, Padawan Xanatos."  
  
Xanatos almost had to laugh at the formal reply. "Just Xanatos will be fine. I'm not much older than you, remember?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him as if he thought that Xanatos was trying to pull his leg but followed him out the door and in the direction of one of the meditation gardens. They didn't talk on the way there and once they had reached their destination, Xanatos sat down beside the fountains where he had first talked to Obi-Wan privately. The young Padawan sat down beside him and then looked out over the small lake.  
  
Xanatos waited. Maybe the boy would start talking when he wanted to. It took longer than he had thought it would and when Obi-Wan finally spoke, it wasn't what the older Padawan had expected.  
  
"Did Master Jinn punish you?"  
  
Xanatos swivelled around to face him. "Why should he have punished me?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him as if he had lost his mind. He was clearly confused. "Because of the disruption in the bond, when we were down on the lower levels. Master Jinn told me that something had disrupted the bond and I just thought..." Upon seeing the confused look on Xanatos' face, Obi-Wan trailed away and then said timidly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply...I just thought that...I wanted to say that I didn't mean to cause any trouble." Xanatos still stared at him and Obi-Wan averted his eyes, whispering, "I'm sorry."  
  
Xanatos shook his head. What was the boy talking about? What did he mean by disruption? Had Qui-Gon told him about the darkness he must have felt in his Padawan? No, he couldn't imagine that. Qui-Gon would never to that. He recalled again that Obi-Wan might have a totally distorted view of the Jedi and their ways caused by Calan's treatment. He decided that the best way to reach Obi-Wan would probably be to ask him directly about those views.  
  
"Obi-Wan, it's okay to ask if you want to know something. What do you think would have warranted a punishment?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked thoughtful for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip and looking more than ever like a small child.  
  
"Master Jinn said that something had happened to you and that he had felt it through the bond."  
  
The boy stopped there, obviously thinking that this was all the explanation needed. As this didn't seem to be going anywhere, Xanatos tried an explanation of his own.  
  
"Well, I was in a bit of trouble. It's normal that Master Jinn should feel it. That's what the bond is for."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him confusedly and Xanatos realised that talking to this boy would indeed be much harder than it had originally seemed. But at least Obi-Wan was talking to him now. Suddenly, however, Obi-Wan seemed to get more worried as if he suddenly remembered something he had completely forgotten about. For a moment he looked ready to get up and leave but instead he addressed Xanatos again.  
  
"Do you sometimes disobey your Master?"  
  
Xanatos was completely taken aback by the sudden change of topic and by this particular question but he decided to go along with it. Pressure would accomplish nothing here.  
  
"Yes, I guess sometimes I disobey my Master."  
  
"Why?"  
  
It was a simple enough question but Xanatos found that he had difficulty explaining this to a Junior Padawan whose disobedience had likely had disastrous consequences in the past.  
  
"Well, sometimes there are things that are simply more important than obedience. Sometimes the Force tells you what to do and if you really feel that it would be right to do something else than what you were told, then you should do it. It's why we're told to trust in the Force because sometimes it guides us better than any teacher ever could." Xanatos stopped here and after a moment of hesitation he added, "And sometimes it's not even the Force that guides us but our own personalities."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him thoughtfully as if he was trying to gauge how much he could trust this older Padawan who was telling him such different things than his Master. He took a deep breath, maybe working up the courage to ask yet another question.  
  
"But how do I know that what I feel is more right than what I am told? I'm only a Padawan."  
  
Only a Padawan. How often had Xanatos felt exactly like that?  
  
"You just know. You have to trust in yourself. You know, your personality is what comes from deep within you. It is what you are without any training. It's true, you are a Padawan to your Master, but you are also a friend to Garen or Reeft and a pupil to me and many others. But first and foremost you are Obi-Wan Kenobi. Without any title or description. Always trust in that, no matter what happens."  
  
Xanatos wondered whether this was too much to understand for the boy but he remembered that he had hated nothing more when he was a child than not being taken seriously by adults and he didn't intend to make the same mistake, especially not with this boy.  
  
Obi-Wan let his gaze rest on the lake, then suddenly stood up and looked down at Xanatos.  
  
"I would like to go back to Master Windu, now." It was spoken softly but no longer hesitantly.  
  
Xanatos stood up as well, smiled at the boy and together they left the garden.  
  
The older Padawan took Obi-Wan to Master Windu's quarters and let him in. Mace had given him the number earlier.  
  
"How about I see you tomorrow, Obi-Wan? Maybe we could talk again."  
  
Obi-Wan nodded and gave him a small smile. "I would like that."  
  
Xanatos grinned at him. "See you tomorrow then. Good bye, Obi-Wan."  
  
"Good bye, Xanatos." Xanatos turned around and started to walk away when Obi-Wan suddenly spoke again. "Master Calan forbade me to see you."  
  
Xanatos turned around and looked at the boy. What? Calan forbade his Padawan to see him? Why? Before he could dwell on it, the smaller Padawan spoke again. "But I feel that it is right to talk to you."  
  
Xanatos looked at him thoughtfully. "I'm sure it's okay, Obi-Wan."  
  
The smaller Padawan nodded slowly, then looked up, smiled at Xanatos and closed the door.  
  
Xanatos stood there for some time, not quite sure how he had done it but obviously he had accomplished something. Hopeful and a lot more optimistic than this morning he started walking towards his quarters. 


	9. Chapter 9

Finally, here's the next chapter.  
  
**Jade Queen of the Damned:** Thank you! I'm glad you like it. Hope to see you here again. :o)  
  
**Hello:** I try to update as regularly as possible. But between school and work, it's not always easy. But I won't abandon this story. Don't worry. Thanks for the review.  
  
**JKH:** Thank you. I usually update sooner on And there is another fic about Xan. Hope you like it.

Chapter 9  
  
When Mace Windu returned to his quarters after a long and exhausting Council session, he found them empty and quiet. Not seeing Obi-Wan immediately, he walked over to the boy's temporary room and knocked softly. No answer. He knocked again, a bit more forcefully. Silence again. Then, when an uncertain voice said, "Yes?" Mace smiled and walked in.  
  
Obi-Wan stood beside the window and stared at him. Mace had the distinct impression that he had disturbed the boy, while Obi-Wan looked as if he had just been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to do. Mace looked around the room. Nothing indicated that the young Padawan had done anything there.  
  
"Did you have a good time with Xanatos, Obi-Wan?"  
  
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, Master."  
  
Uncomfortable silence again. Mace hated not knowing what to say. "Would you like to have dinner with your friends?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked up at him. "I would like that very much, Master."  
  
Mace smiled again. "Go on, then. I expect you back by nine."  
  
A small smile appeared on Obi-Wan's face. "Thank you, Master." Then he was gone.  
  
Mace waited until the door had closed. Then he heaved a sigh and returned to the common room. What was he going to do? Yoda had not provided the answers he had hoped for, but he shouldn't really be surprised. Yoda never gave a straight forward answer. Sometimes the riddles really got on his nerves. Not that he would ever admit that to anyone, except Qui-Gon perhaps. But this time he really wished someone would give him some answers.  
  
Qui-Gon was on his way to the dining hall and thinking about Xanatos. Well, truth be told, he was thinking about Xanatos while pretending to be on his way to the dining hall. He wasn't even watching where he was going. He had taken several detours to have more time to think. His Padawan hadn't spoken to him about the whole incident and Qui-Gon wasn't sure whether he should start the topic. After all, what had he really sensed? Maybe the darkness he had felt had entirely emanated from Calan. Maybe by being attacked by someone tainted by darkness, Xanatos had just tried to channel it somewhere because he couldn't take it and that's why he had projected it into their bond. That must be it. Qui-Gon had just overreacted due to the stress of the disappearance of the Kenobi boy.  
  
Qui-Gon had reached the dining hall and just before he entered, someone said from behind him, "Good evening, Master Jinn."  
  
Qui-Gon turned around, smiling when he saw Obi-Wan. "Good evening, Padawan Kenobi. I hope you had a good day with Xanatos."  
  
The boy seemed completely flustered by the simple question and stared at the tall Master a while before finally replying very timidly, "Yes, I did."  
  
"That's good to hear. You're probably hungry, so I do not want to keep you. Have a good evening."  
  
Obi-Wan blushed. "And you, Master Jinn." Then he hastened into the hall.  
  
Qui-Gon observed him for a moment as the boy collected his meal and sat down with his friends. He started making his way over to the Masters' table, but was stopped once again. "Evening, Qui-Gon." It was Mace this time.  
  
Qui-Gon sighed. "At this rate I will never get my food tonight."  
  
Mace grinned at him a bit mischievously. "Oh, I'm sure you wouldn't starve to death immediately. You've got enough reserves on you."  
  
The other Master stared at him. "What is that supposed to mean? I'm not the one spending all of my time, sitting around, doing nothing and pretending to be a wise and almighty Jedi."  
  
Mace laughed at him and pulled him over to a table that was a bit apart from the others. "I've got to talk to you."  
  
Qui-Gon became serious immediately as he realised what it was, Mace probably wanted to talk to him about. "Any news on Calan?"  
  
The other shook his head. "Nothing. Coruscanti police is controlling every spaceport. They have his picture and description. Either he left before we could get word out or he somehow weaselled past security."  
  
"Or he's still here."  
  
"That's the third possibility, but I don't really believe it." Mace frowned. "He's a madman, Qui. But he's not stupid. He won't just sit around and wait for us to catch him."  
  
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. "So, any new developments with Obi-Wan?"  
  
"Not directly. I've arranged a meeting with a soul healer Lenga Migaja. Do you know her?"  
  
Qui-Gon thought for a moment. "Her name sounds familiar, but I do not know her personally."  
  
Mace nodded slowly. "She treated Calan after Nall died. I hope it will give her some insight."  
  
When Qui-Gon returned to his quarters, he found Xanatos standing on the balcony, staring out over the city. He stood in the darkness for a moment, observing his Padawan silently. Maybe he should talk to him after all about what had happened on the mission. What if the young man was just waiting for him to broach the subject? But no. Qui-Gon had made his decision. His Padawan was an adult and he needed room to deal with his own problems.  
  
Without making much noise, but knowing that his Padawan could sense him, Qui-Gon walked out onto the balcony. The roar from the city surrounded him immediately and he wondered once more why Xanatos always found his peace here of all places. He stood beside the young man for some minutes without speaking, but when the Padawan didn't seem to want to start a conversation, he asked what was foremost on his mind.  
  
"How was your day with Obi-Wan?"  
  
"It was okay." Xanatos hesitated. There was more. "Master, if..." He hesitated again, trying to phrase this right. "If a Master and a Padawan do not have a relationship that is based on trust, like in Obi-Wan's case, is it possible for them to form a bond?"  
  
Qui-Gon looked him in the eyes, thinking about it. "Well, it depends on what the motive of the Master is. He can force a bond on his Padawan, of course, but it would never be the same. It would be more a bond of control than anything else."  
  
Xanatos thought about it for a moment. "Would it generally work the same way as ours?"  
  
Qui-Gon stared over the city before taking Xanatos by the arm and guiding him inside. "Let's sit down for this, Padawan. It's a serious topic."  
  
They sat down on the couch in the common room and waited in comfortable silence for a couple of minutes. Then Qui-Gon spoke again. "It wouldn't work like yours."  
  
Xanatos looked at him inquisitively, not understanding what his Master was getting at.  
  
Seeing the look, Qui-Gon continued. "From the Master's side, it would technically work the same way. He would be able to sense his Padawan, to feel his feelings if not properly shielded. But on the Padawan's side, there would be no positive effects. He would be able to feel that his Master is controlling him, but he wouldn't be able to feel his Master."  
  
The older man looked up at his student, who was sitting with his head in his hands. "Is that what Obi-Wan told you?"  
  
The Padawan snorted. "He would never tell you something like this. He always thinks everything is his fault. He doesn't understand the bond, because he has never had one. He doesn't know real affection through the Force, because everything he's ever experienced through it is control."  
  
Qui-Gon closed his eyes. How could this ever happen within the Temple? He didn't understand it. He suddenly realised that he was in desperate need of meditation. "I talked to Master Windu today. He will take Obi-Wan to a soul- healer. I will tell him about what you have found out."  
  
"Will they be able to help him?"  
  
Qui-Gon wanted to say yes. He wanted so badly to reassure his Padawan. But as he looked Xanatos into the eyes, he knew that it wouldn't be possible. Things like 'everything will be alright' had been enough for the child he had known, but not for the young man who now sat before him.  
  
"I don't know, Xani."  
  
As he now sat at his open bedroom window, Xanatos briefly thought about telling his Master tomorrow about the other talk he had had with Obi-Wan, the one about disobedience. But somehow, he had a feeling that a Master couldn't possibly understand it.  
  
Obi-Wan wasn't in his quarters when Mace returned from dinner. He looked at his chrono and saw that it was only half past seven. Sighing, Mace took his datapad and looked through the notes of the last meeting of the Council with the Supreme Chancellor. It had gone about as well as expected The Chancellor had talked about the difficulties of funding for the Temple, the Councillors had protested and Yoda had sat there, staring at them all with his large eyes and only saying two words right at the end of the meeting. Why did that troll always have to be so mysterious? Why couldn't he for once act like a normal being? His train of thought was interrupted by the door-buzzer. Only too glad to be distracted from the boring notes, Mace put his datapad aside and opened the door.  
  
Obi-Wan was standing outside. Being a bit irritated, as he had given the code to the Padawan this morning, Mace said nothing. The boy blushed and bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Master Windu. I know, I'm too early. It wasn't my intention to disturb your evening. "  
  
Mace shook himself from his stupor. "No, it's alright, Obi-Wan. You live here for the time being. You can come and go whenever you want. But why didn't you just come in? Did you forget the code?"  
  
Obi-Wan blushed again. "No, Master. But I did not want to disturb you."  
  
Mace took a steadying breath. What had Calan done to this boy? He let the Padawan walk inside and closed the door, motioning for him to sit on the couch. "Obi-Wan, you're not disturbing me. You can do whatever you feel like here, as long as you are in these quarters by nine every evening, okay?"  
  
Obi-Wan nodded and then looked around the room shyly.  
  
Mace smiled at him. "So, what would you like to do, now that you're back so early?"  
  
"I...I don't know. I could meditate." The boy looked at him, as if awaiting further instructions.  
  
Mace was incredulous. Meditate? He had just told a 13-year-old that he could do whatever he wanted with the evening and the boy told him that he could meditate? He would never even have had the idea as a Padawan!  
  
He sighed. "How about you read something. There's a datapad over there on the table with lots of books saved on it. Just pick something you like."  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
Mace closed his eyes. "That was not an order, Padawan, just a suggestion. As I said, you can do whatever you like."  
  
Obi-Wan seemed totally insecure. Hesitantly, he stood up, got the datapad from the table and sat down in one of the armchairs. Mace looked at him for a while and when he was convinced that the boy had found something he liked, he went back to his notes.  
  
Obi-Wan once again sat on the windowsill in his temporary room. He still pondered why Master Windu always was so nice to him, why he never yelled at him or punished him. This evening, for example. He had been home much too early and he had disturbed the Master, but the man hadn't shown any signs that he was bothered.  
  
There had been a reason why Obi-Wan had been back early. Normally, he enjoyed spending time with Bant, Garen and Reeft. But tonight, they had been different somehow. They hadn't openly asked him questions about his mission and about Master Calan, but they had kept glancing at him almost uneasily, as if they thought he might attack them any moment. He hadn't been able to take it, so he had returned. But Master Windu hadn't thrown him out or even sent him to his room. He had actually told him that he could do whatever he liked. But wasn't that unbecoming of a Jedi? It was, after all, indulgence. And it had nothing at all to do with learning. Of course, he had had free time before, but usually it was when his Master didn't want to be disturbed and sent him to his room to be quiet.  
  
And Master Windu had told him that he could just leave the quarters whenever he wanted. He understood when Master Jinn didn't punish him and give him lessons. It wasn't really his place to do it. But Master Windu was now his teacher, if only temporarily. So why didn't he behave like one? Obi- Wan wondered when the man would get angry with him the first time. He wondered what his punishments would be. Because he knew, that sooner or later he would do something that warranted punishment. He always did.  
  
Obi-Wan looked at his chrono. Midnight. And he still wasn't asleep. He had to get up tomorrow to prepare breakfast. He wondered whether Xanatos ever had problems controlling his thoughts and emotions. The Masters surely hadn't. Obi-Wan climbed into his bed but didn't draw the curtains. He loved to watch the traffic. It was the one thing of which you could be sure that it wouldn't vanish. 


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks a lot for the reviews. Please keep telling me what you think, no matter what it is.

Chapter 10  
  
There was a grunt from under the covers when they hit the floor, after which they lay immobile for some time. Then the something under them started to sit up. Xanatos blinked into the bright light that streamed through his bedroom window and wondered for a moment why he was lying on the floor, then why it was so late and his Master hadn't woken him. Oh yes, it was a free day. That was it. And he must somehow have tumbled out of bed. Force, how he hated the fact that his brain was always so sluggish in the morning.   
  
Xanatos got up, threw his covers back onto the bed and walked into the common room. Qui-Gon wasn't there. Probably off meditating. How could anyone be so active in the morning? Xanatos showered and ate some cereal for breakfast and when he was done, his Master still hadn't come back. The gardens sounded pretty good. Maybe he could go for a run. Nodding to himself, Xanatos changed into his exercise clothes and headed out of the quarters.  
  
He greeted several Jedi along the way until someone called his name behind him.  
  
"Hey, Xan, wait up."  
  
He turned around and grinned. "Hey, Kiail." The Padawan waited until his friend had caught up to him. "Haven't seen you in quite some time. What have you been up to?"  
  
The other grinned back at him, flipping his blond Padawan braid over his shoulder and falling into step with Xanatos. "Oh, you know, the usual. One mission after the other, nothing really exciting. What about you?"  
  
"Nothing much at the moment. I'm teaching a class." As soon as he had mentioned it, a young face popped into his head and he remembered his promise to Obi-Wan to meet him again today. He snapped back to the present, noting that Kiail had said something, but as the other Padawan was still talking, he obviously hadn't noticed Xanatos's lack of attention.  
  
"So, where are you headed?"  
  
"To the gardens for a run." He didn't ask his friend to join him. He liked to be alone when exercising. But Kiail didn't seem to be interested, anyway.  
  
"Well, I'll go home for breakfast then. Just returned from that mission...oomph..." Kiail was interrupted as he collided with a smaller form.  
  
Xanatos recognised the child immediately and almost laughed until he saw the look on Obi-Wan's face. Before he could do anything the junior Padawan shot to his feet and bowed. "I'm deeply sorry for my inattention, sir. I will submit to....  
  
But Xanatos couldn't hear it anymore. He crouched down beside Obi-Wan and interrupted him. "No need to apologise, Obi-Wan. No harm done. See, Padawan Litho can still stand on his own. "  
  
It was intended as a joke, but the small Padawan obviously didn't understand it, because he once again bowed deeply, blushed and said in a small voice, "I'm sorry, Padawan Litho. It will not happen again."  
  
Kiail grinned down at him. "That's okay, kid. As Xan said, no harm done."  
  
Xanatos once again gave the boy an encouraging smile. "See? Not so bad. Now, what do you think, I will go for my run now and then I'll get you in about two hours? Is that okay with you?"  
  
Looking up briefly, Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, thank you, Xanatos."  
  
"You're most welcome. I'll see you then, Obi-Wan."  
  
When the boy had turned a corner, Xanatos stood again. Kiail was grinning at him. "What's this? Don't tell me you've already picked out a Padawan. Isn't that just a bit early?"  
  
Xanatos gave him a dirty look. "Very funny. He's in my class."  
  
The other laughed. "And do you always spend your free time with pupils from your class? I tell you Xan, be careful. Those kids are clingy. If you talk to him too much, he'll never let you go."  
  
Xanatos didn't say anything.   
  
"Oh, I see, it's already too late. Well, I'll see you around, Xan."  
  
"Yeah, see you, Kiail." With that they both went their separate ways.  
  
It was later when he was on his way back to his quarters, tired and sweaty from his run, that Kiail's words came to his mind again. Would he really mind if Obi-Wan didn't let him go? Just before he pushed open the door, he had his answer. No, he wouldn't mind at all.   
  
An hour later Obi-Wan and Xanatos were in the gardens again, sitting beneath the tree where Xanatos had sat when he had first seen the young Padawan swim in the lake. They hadn't said much since leaving Master Windu's quarters and Xanatos was content with it. He was sure the boy would say something when he wanted to.  
  
At last, Obi-Wan spoke. "Is Padawan Litho your friend?"  
  
Xanatos looked down at the boy. "Yes, he is."  
  
"Just like Garen for me?"  
  
Xanatos thought for a moment. No, Kiail was nothing like Garen. Kiail would never have noticed if something had been wrong with Xanatos when they were smaller. And even if he would have noticed, he wouldn't have gone to one of the Masters asking for help. Kiail was too wrapped up in his own life. Xanatos had never experienced the sort of friendship Obi-Wan and Garen shared, but he could hardly tell the other Padawan that.  
  
"Yes, I suppose it's a bit like your friendship with Garen."  
  
Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully, staring out over the water, seeming to think very hard on this. "He didn't seem to mind that I ran into him."  
  
Xanatos blinked. Talking to Obi-Wan was a bit like a roller-coaster ride. You never knew which direction it would take the next moment. "Of course he didn't. It was no more your fault than it was his. He didn't watch were he was going, either."  
  
Obi-Wan looked at him, frowning. "But he's a Senior Padawan."  
  
Again, Xanatos was speechless. What did it have to do with his rank? But obviously it was a good reason in the boy's eyes, so he would just have to go along with it. "That's true. But that doesn't mean he doesn't have to watch where he is going. It doesn't mean that he is more right than you."  
  
It was clear from Obi-Wan's expression that he had never heard of this before.  
  
Obi-Wan sat in his room doing homework, trying to concentrate and not doing a very good job of it. He thought about everything Xanatos had said. The hours with the older Padawan were fast becoming his favourite time of the day. All in all, life was pretty good at the moment. Master Windu still hadn't gotten angry at him and while he knew that it was only a matter of time, Obi-Wan had learned to appreciate every moment of peace he could get.  
  
It was in that moment that there was a rap on the door. He waited expectantly until he remembered that Master Windu always waited for him to say something before he entered the room. Why he did it was beyond him. "Yes?"   
  
The Master walked in, a smile on his face. Master Windu smiled a lot, at least when he was inside his quarters. Outside he seemed much sterner. Master Calan had never smiled in Obi-Wan's presence, well, not a nice smile at least.  
  
"Is everything all right, Obi-Wan?"  
  
That was another thing he was wondering about constantly. Why should Master Windu care whether he was all right?  
  
"Yes, Master."  
  
The smile again and then the tall Jedi sat on the bed beside him. Without thinking about it, Obi-Wan shrank back. The Master would look over the homework and find out that Obi-Wan hadn't been concentrating properly. But instead he spoke softly.  
  
"I would like to take you to see someone, Obi-Wan. Master Migaja just wants to talk to you, okay?"   
  
Another Master wanted to talk to him? Why? What had he done wrong? But he knew that it wasn't a good idea to ask questions when he was already in trouble. So he just nodded.  
  
"Good. We will leave in 10 minutes." With that the Master walked out of the room.  
  
Nervousness and fear gripped Obi-Wan. He didn't know a Master Migaja, so it couldn't be about one of his classes. Whatever it was, it couldn't be good if another Master wanted to see him. Pulling on a fresh tunic, in the hopes that he could make a good first impression, Obi-Wan prepared for the worst.   
  
Master Migaja, as it turned out, was a soul healer by the small plate beside her door. Obi-Wan had heard stories about soul healers and he knew that they were very gifted in sensing emotions even from Jedi they didn't share a bond with. Maybe this was about Master Calan. Maybe they wanted to find out why he had left, and whether it was Obi-Wan's fault. He swallowed and concentrated hard on not fidgeting while Master Windu pushed the buzzer.  
  
The first impression Obi-Wan got of Lenga Migaja was that she had very kind eyes. She was an elderly woman and she looked, Obi-Wan decided, like a grandmother should. But he had learned that looks could be deceiving and so he approached her with the same mistrust as he did everyone else.   
  
Master Migaja smiled at him when she opened the door. "Good afternoon. You must be Obi-Wan."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Please come in." He took two steps inside her office, but stopped when he realised that Master Windu wasn't following. When he looked at him, the Master smiled understandingly.  
  
"I will return to our quarters and you can return when you are done here."  
  
Obi-Wan wanted to ask him to stay, but he just looked at the floor and nodded. He heard the door close and he was alone with the soul healer.  
  
"Please sit down, Obi-Wan."  
  
He did as he was told, sitting down on a sofa, but didn't look up. He could feel her sitting down opposite him in an armchair.  
  
"Look at me, please."  
  
Reluctantly he lifted his eyes and looked into the pale blue ones of Master Migaja. Her face was wrinkled, but most of the wrinkles seemed to be laugh lines. Her hair was almost entirely white, except for a few dark blond strands that peeked through and were held back from her face by a ribbon. Obi-Wan found that he could easily hold her gaze, could maybe even smile back. But no, he would not let himself trust so easily.  
  
"Don't be afraid, Obi-Wan. I just want to talk."  
  
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and then looked down again. It was easier that way.  
  
"How are you, Obi-Wan?"  
  
Was this some kind of test? Surely she hadn't asked him to come here in order to know how he was. But at the moment he saw no other way than to answer. "Fine, Master."   
  
"You may call me Lenga. Master Migaja always sounds so formal."  
  
Too formal. It was exactly what Xanatos had said. He looked briefly at her before dropping his gaze again.  
  
"Obi-Wan, I would like to talk to you about Master Calan."  
  
He had known it. It was about Master Calan, after all. All the nice words and smiles had just been to get him to relax, to let his guard down.   
  
"Do you know why Master Calan isn't here?"  
  
Obi-Wan held his breath. He knew of course, but he had no idea what the healer expected of him. What should he say?  
  
"Obi-Wan, do you know?"  
  
He nodded, staring at a spot on her carpet, not daring to look up to see the expression on her face.  
  
"Would you like to tell me?"  
  
Obi-Wan's head shot up at this. She asked him whether he wanted to say? What would happen if he didn't? He didn't dare to say no, so he said nothing. He desperately wished Xanatos was here. The older Padawan would know what to do. He wouldn't condemn him for not knowing. Xanatos understood him, at least to a certain degree.  
  
The Master suddenly got up and knelt before him. Obi-Wan flinched away. She would punish him. He hadn't answered her questions. He hadn't known what to say. He had failed again. But Master Migaja didn't hit him, instead laying a hand on his arm.  
  
"There is no wrong answer, Obi-Wan. If you do not wish to tell me about it, then we will talk about something else. It's no problem."  
  
"I...I..." Just say it, Kenobi. Don't be such a coward. "I do not wish to talk about it, Master." He looked up then and saw her smile at him.  
  
"Then we won't. Why don't you tell me what you think of Master Windu instead?"  
  
Another of those questions. 'There is no wrong answer,' she had said. Well, maybe he should just try. "He...he's very nice."  
  
"What makes him so nice?"  
  
Obi-Wan took a deep breath again. "He asks me how I am."  
  
There was a moment of silence and the Padawan wondered whether he should say more, but then the healer spoke again. "And is he the only one who asks?"  
  
Now that he thought about it, he realised that he had heard that particular question quite often during the last few days. "Well, Xanatos does and Master Jinn." As an afterthought he added. "And you just did."  
  
"Why do you think we ask you?"  
  
Obi-Wan blinked slowly. It certainly was a question he had wondered about before. "I don't know, Master. Maybe you want to be polite?"  
  
"Maybe you should think about that, Obi-Wan, and we will talk about it again tomorrow."  
  
Tomorrow? Did that mean that he had to come here every day now? He nodded.   
  
"Very well." The healer stood up and showed him to the door. "Same time tomorrow, Obi-Wan. Have a good evening."  
  
"And you, Master."  
  
Obi-Wan could feel her eyes on him until he had rounded a corner. He didn't want to go back. Sure, she had been nice and hadn't ordered him to do anything, but he was sure that would come. She just tried to gain his trust first.  
  
Deep in thought, he didn't hear the door open beside him until someone called his name. "Hello, Obi-Wan." It was Xanatos.  
  
A smile appeared on Obi-Wan's face as he looked up at him. "Hello, Xanatos."  
  
"Where are you headed?"  
  
"To Master Windu's quarters."  
  
"Then we're heading in the same direction. I'll accompany you for a bit, if you don't mind."  
  
Obi-Wan was flustered once more. "Of course, I don't."  
  
"Good. So, what did you do the whole afternoon? Any exciting adventures?"  
  
The younger Padawan weighed in his mind whether he should tell Xanatos about his afternoon. Well, who else could he tell? "I talked to a soul healer."  
  
"Doesn't sound too bad, if you ask me. It's much better than a normal healer. All they ever do is annoy you with their needles."  
  
Obi-Wan grinned at him. They walked the rest of the way in silence until they had reached Master Windu's quarters. Then Xanatos spoke again.  
  
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. When's the best time for you?"  
  
Tomorrow. He had to go back to the soul healer tomorrow. She would ask more questions that he wouldn't know how to answer. "I have to go back to Master Migaja tomorrow."  
  
"Doesn't matter. We can meet before that or after."  
  
Yes they could, or...working up all the courage he could, Obi-Wan asked the one question he needed to ask most of all and which he dreaded at the same time. "Will you go with me?"


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, here's the next chapter and I would really appreciate it if you left a review after you've read it, no matter what you think.

Chapter 11  
  
He should have said no. It wasn't his place to interfere. And it certainly wasn't his place to promise something to Obi-Wan that he couldn't even be sure he could keep. After all, if they had wanted him to attend the boy's meetings with the soul healer, the Masters would have asked him. But they hadn't even told him about them, so he obviously wasn't needed. And why should he be needed? All he was to the boy was a teacher and not a very important one at that. He was a Padawan, nothing more.  
  
But now he had promised Obi-Wan to go to the soul healer with him tomorrow. He hadn't told his Master yet and he hadn't told Master Windu. Whatever had he been thinking? He hadn't. That was it. He had followed his feelings, trusted his instincts, just as his Master always told him to. No, that wasn't true. His Master only told him to trust his instincts, not his emotions. Somehow the two had become blurred where Obi-Wan was concerned. Heaving a sigh, Xanatos pushed himself up from the bed and left his room. The matter needed to be addressed and it was no use to postpone it further.  
  
Qui-Gon was sitting in the common room with a datapad in his lap, probably preparing lessons for his Padawan. Xanatos sat down opposite him.  
  
"I need to talk to you, Master."  
  
Qui-Gon looked up and smiled at him, laying the datapad aside. "What is it?"  
  
"Did you know that Obi-Wan was getting counseling sessions?"  
  
Qui-Gon's face became serious immediately. "Yes, Mace told me yesterday."  
  
_Well, no use beating around the bush then,_ Xanatos thought. "He had his first one today and he asked me to go with him tomorrow."   
  
Qui-Gon nodded thoughtfully. "I had expected something like that."  
  
Xanatos's surprise must have shown on his face because his Master continued, smiling softly. "You're surprised, Padawan? I thought it was obvious that you are one of the few people the boy trusts. Mace told me that he can hardly wait to see you every day."  
  
Kiail's words suddenly came back to Xanatos. _He will never let you go._ Of course he had seen that Obi-Wan seemed to like him, but he hadn't thought that it was so obvious to everyone else. He suddenly was afraid that he would not be able to live up to that trust.  
  
"Don't worry, Padawan. You will do fine. So what did you tell him?"  
  
Yes, that was it what he had been so afraid to tell his Master. Xanatos came back to himself, suddenly wondering whether his Master had asked him this already more than once. He looked him in the eyes. The smile was still there, so obviously he hadn't.  
  
"I promised him that I would do it. I'm sorry, Master, I should have talked to you and Master Windu first, but he just seemed so scared. I couldn't help it."  
  
The smile didn't vanish. "That's okay, Xani. I didn't really expect you to say no."  
  
Xanatos was dumbstruck again. "You didn't?"  
  
Qui-Gon laughed at the incredulity on the young man's face. "Actually, I talked with Mace about it yesterday and he suggested it himself."  
  
Master Windu had suggested it himself? Xanatos couldn't believe it. He had always been a bit intimidated by the tall Council member. Despite the fact that due to the close friendship between Master Windu and Qui-Gon, he had often seen a side of him that very few did, outside of their quarters, the man was simply too stern. Xanatos always felt like an initiate beside him and had thought that the Master didn't put much trust in him. But obviously he had been wrong.  
  
Xanatos snapped out of his thoughts when his Master started to talk again. "I suggest you go back to your homework now. And next time you're not sure how I will react to something you did, just ask me, and don't spend all your time brooding over it."  
  
Xanatos blushed. How did the man do it? "Yes, Master." With that he returned to his room, finally able to concentrate on his work.  
  
Lenga Migaja had seen a lot of things in her life. Being a soul healer meant having to deal with the Galaxy's cruelty through the eyes of those who couldn't take it anymore. She had known Jedi who had suffered so much that even the Force couldn't help them any longer. She had seen the protectors of peace and justice in the Galaxy reaching the end of their wisdom, sometimes standing on the edge of suicide. And she had seen them go both ways from there. Master Migaja knew better than most what it meant to be a Jedi.   
  
Many patients had come to her office during the last 45 years. She distinctly remembered one Master Rin Calan, one of her younger patients, tall, on the peak of his power, who had been ordered to see her after his Padawan's death. Ordered to see her because he didn't think it necessary.  
  
He hadn't wanted to talk to her. He had been introverted, but she had realised that his sorrow bordered on desperation. Nall was the boy's name, she remembered. She had tried to get Calan to talk about his Padawan and he even had a bit. The therapy had continued for several months and in the end Lenga had thought that she had had some success.  
  
Her final report to Master Yoda had contained that Master Calan was a very sad man who would probably never recover completely from his loss but who wasn't dangerous to himself or those around him and could take up his duties as a Jedi once more. She had secretly hoped that he would take another Padawan. When the man had chosen the promising student Obi-Wan Kenobi, she had stopped asking about him. It had turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of her life.   
  
Xanatos was nervous. He had to admit that much. It was quite irrational if he thought about it, as it wasn't him who would be questioned by a soul healer. Or at least he hoped so. He would merely be there with Obi-Wan, maybe encourage the boy a bit, assuring him that it was all right to speak badly about Calan. They hadn't met that morning, since Xanatos had had to study. The exam in astronomy would be the next day and it wasn't one of his strong subjects. So now he was once again on his way to Master Windu's quarters, not quite sure what awaited him this afternoon.  
  
Obi-Wan was waiting for Xanatos when he got there and he tried to appear confident for fhe younger Padawan's sake.  
  
"Are you ready, Obi-Wan?"  
  
The boy nodded, closing the door after him. They made their way to Master Migaja's quarters in silence. She greeted them warmly and they sat down on some armchairs and a couch. Xanatos realised that Obi-Wan never met the Master's eyes, mostly staring at the carpet. She addressed Obi-Wan directly, not paying attention to Xanatos and he was content to just be an observer.  
  
"Do you remember what we talked about yesterday, Obi-Wan?"  
  
The Padawan nodded.  
  
"So, do you have any idea why everyone asks you how you are?"  
  
Obi-Wan hesitated, then shook his head.  
  
"I would like to ask you something, Padawan Xanatos. Does your Master ask you how you are?"   
  
Surprised by being so directly included in the therapy session, Xanatos didn't know what to say at first. "Well, yes, of course he does."  
  
Master Migaja nodded, then focused on the younger Padawan again. "Why do you think Master Jinn asks Xanatos, Obi-Wan?"  
  
Obi-Wan's gaze flicked to Xanatos for a moment. "Because he cares about him and wants to know if everything is all right." It was said with conviction.  
  
"And do you think you can answer my first question now, Padawan? Why do they ask you?"   
  
"Maybe..." Obi-Wan seemed hesitant to say what was on his mind. "Maybe because they want to know if I'm all right, as well?" It was a question.  
  
Xanatos didn't know what he wanted to do more. Strangle Calan or hug Obi-Wan. He did none of those things. Instead he waited.  
  
Master Migaja nodded and smiled at Obi-Wan. "I think you are right. Now, why do you like Xanatos and Master Jinn?"  
  
Obi-Wan looked at her for the first time and Xanatos could hear that he was sure of his answer this time. "Because Xanatos is my friend and Master Jinn loves him."   
  
The older Padawan had to smile at this. When Obi-Wan looked at him, Xanatos winked and even got a small smile from the boy in return.  
  
"And how do you know that Master Jinn loves Xanatos?"  
  
Obi-Wan opened his mouth, then closed it again, obviously unsure of what to say. "Because... I don't know, Master."  
  
"Okay, you can think about that later. So why is Xanatos your friend?"  
  
That seemed to be easier. "Because he talks to me and..." He swallowed and then continued in a very small voice. "...and he helps me when I need him."  
  
Xanatos almost sighed at this, but he restrained himself. When had he become so important to this boy? How had it happened? And the all-important question again, did he mind?  
  
Silence filled the room but Obi-Wan didn't look up. He kept staring at the floor, waiting. Master Migaja finally began to speak, moving on to less sensitive subjects for the rest of the session and letting her thought-provoking questions linger in Obi-Wan's mind.  
  
Later, on their way back to Master Windu's quarters Obi-Wan was again silent. When they reached the door, Xanatos looked down at the boy and asked, "Do you like Master Migaja?"  
  
Obi-Wan shrugged. "I guess."  
  
Xanatos realised that he hadn't got these monosyllabic answers for some time now. "I think she's nice."   
  
Obi-Wan looked at him. "You think so?"  
  
"Of course. I think you will get along."  
  
The boy didn't look convinced, but Xanatos let it drop. "So, I will see you tomorrow as well?"  
  
"Sure. Goodbye, Xanatos."  
  
"Have a good evening, Obi-Wan."  
  
When he had turned around he heard Obi-Wan take a deep breath behind him. "Thank you for going with me."  
  
Xanatos looked back and smiled at the boy. "You're welcome, Obi-Wan." Then he went home.  
  
Master Windu had made dinner that evening. Obi-Wan had been so surprised that he had almost forgotten to say thank you properly. Master Calan had never prepared a meal. It was Obi-Wan's job after all to make breakfast and they had gone to the dining hall for the other meals.  
  
Obi-Wan wondered whether Master Jinn ever did something like that. He knew that Xanatos had a good relationship with his Master and he hadn't thought much of mentioning it to Master Migaja, but how should he have explained it. He had almost said it. _I know it because Master Jinn doesn't beat Xanatos._ Almost. But he hadn't because Master Calan had taught him that one didn't talk about such things with strangers. But Xanatos wasn't a stranger but his friend. He had said so and Xanatos hadn't seemed to mind. He had to admit that he had been a bit surprised himself that he had dared to say it. Did that mean that it was all right to talk to him about it?  
  
Obi-Wan was afraid. And there lay his fault. He got beaten because he made mistakes and then he was afraid of being beaten which was a mistake again. But Xanatos didn't get beaten even when he made a mistake. He couldn't be sure of course, but he thought that maybe Garen didn't either. He knew of course why Master Calan didn't come back. It was easy. His Padawan was a failure and Obi-Wan still wondered why nobody seemed to see it. It was so obvious.  
  
Master Windu knocked on the door and then looked into the room. "I think it's time for you to go to bed, Obi-Wan."  
  
"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan put away his datapad and crawled under the covers.  
  
Master Windu switched off the lights. "Good night."  
  
"Good night, Master."  
  
The door closed and Obi-Wan lay alone in the darkness. Another counselling session tomorrow. But at least Xanatos was there. Surely he wouldn't let them hurt him too badly. He traced the scar on his chest that he had gotten that time he had failed the politics exam. Surely Xanatos would stop them before something like that happened again, at least if it happened while he was there. And if Xanatos didn't want it to happen, maybe even Master Jinn would help him.   
  
Xanatos was playing chess with his Master. He should never have let the man persuade him. He had just decided that he couldn't possibly win the game, all the time frowning at the large pile of white pieces his Master had managed to acquire over the last half an hour when the door buzzer rang.  
  
"Take your time, Xani. I will answer the door," Qui-Gon said and, grinning, he stood up.  
  
It turned out to be Garen again who looked a bit less nervous this time than the last. "Good evening, Master Jinn. Would it be possible to talk to Padawan Xanatos, please?"  
  
Qui-Gon smiled at the young Padawan and let him in. "Of course. We're playing chess, but he is losing anyway, so I'm sure he won't mind the interruption."  
  
Xanatos glared at his Master who was still grinning. Then he smiled at his student. "Good evening, Garen. Come on, we will go into my room."   
  
He sat down on his bed and motioned for Garen to do the same. The boy did so, never losing the serious expression on his face. "I would like to talk to you about Obi-Wan."  
  
Xanatos nodded for him to continue.  
  
"Well, Bant said that you have spent time with him and we were worried because he hasn't been to all of his classes since that mission and he doesn't talk to us very much anymore."  
  
Xanatos had realised that of course. One of the classes Obi-Wan hadn't frequented recently was his own and he had to admit that he was a bit relieved. He had no idea how to treat the boy in class or what to do against Bruck Chun's constant taunting which was probably the reason why Master Windu let him skip that class. Apart from that he had realised that Obi-Wan hardly sat with his friends during meals anymore and when he sat with them he hardly talked and never laughed.  
  
Garen obviously had more on his mind. "And then there is Master Calan. We were wondering where he is and why he doesn't come back."  
  
_And you're not the only one wondering about where he is. But why is another matter._ Xanatos sighed. What was he supposed to tell Garen? He could hardly tell him the truth.  
  
"I'm sorry, Garen. I can't help you much, but I can assure you that Obi-Wan will be fine. You probably know that he is staying with Master Windu at the moment and he takes good care of Obi-Wan. Maybe you could invite him around to your place after class some time. I'm sure he would like it."  
  
Xanatos didn't have the slightest idea whether Obi-Wan would like that, but his guess was that the boy didn't like being with many people and that that was the reason for his quiet behaviour.  
  
Garen nodded and stood up. "Okay, I will, Padawan Xanatos. Thank you for your help."  
  
The older Padawan stood up and went with Garen to the door. "You're most welcome, Garen. You can come here anytime you want."  
  
When Garen had left, Xanatos suddenly had to think of the talk he had had with Obi-Wan yesterday about Kiail. One day the young Padawan would realise how special Garen was as a friend.  
  
He turned away from the door and sat down at the chessboard again where Qui-Gon was still waiting patiently for him to make his next move.  
  
Qui-Gon put the figure he had just taken from Xanatos on his pile when the buzzer rang again. He raised an eyebrow at his Padawan and went to open the door. It was a Master Qui-Gon knew only by sight.  
  
She bowed slightly and said, "Good evening, Master Jinn. My name is Lenga Migaja. I would like to speak with your Padawan."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled. "He seems to be on heavy demand tonight. Please come in Master Migaja."  
  
Xanatos was more than a bit surprised. Why did the soul healer want to talk to him? Qui-Gon was already on his way to his bedroom, but Master Migaja stopped him.  
  
"Please stay, Master Jinn. This concerns you as well."  
  
Qui-Gon looked at Xanatos briefly and then sat down with both on the couch.   
  
"As you know your Padawan attended today's counselling session with young Obi-Wan." She looked at Qui-Gon for confirmation and he nodded. "We have only had two session up to now but I got the impression that Obi-Wan's main problem is that he thinks the act ons his former Master has taken were justified. I asked him yesterday whether he knew why Master Calan didn't come back and he said he did but didn't want to tell me. I have a very good idea of the reason as he perceives it."  
  
Xanatos looked at his Master who seemed to be at a loss as well. So he addressed Master Migaja. "And what is the reason according to him?"  
  
"It is likely that he thinks it is his fault, that his Master left. What I realised in the short time I have spent with him is that he perceives almost everything he does as a failure. The reason I'm here now is that I have the impression that Obi-Wan spends very little time with other people and when he does, it is not willingly. Except for the time he spends with you, Padawan Xanatos."  
  
The Padawan took a deep breath. That was the second time he had heard this in two days and it scared him a bit. What was he becoming to this boy?  
  
Master Migaja continued. "Now, I think that Master Windu takes very good care of Obi-Wan, but he doesn't have much time. What Obi-Wan needs is a sort of family, a place where there is interaction without him having to interact and as far as I see it you are the only one he has any real conversation with. You're a friend to him and he looks up to you."  
  
Xanatos knew where this was going and he glanced at Qui-Gon who was nodding to himself, obviously thinking hard.  
  
"What I am asking is that Obi-Wan live here for some time, be a part of your household.". That wouldn't mean that you do anything differently than you normally do but that you continue with your duties as always and just include him in every decision, ask his opinion and so on. Obi-Wan needs an environment where his opinion is important but not necessary. He needs to have a choice in taking a decision. Would that be possible?"   
  
She looked at Qui-Gon now, waiting for him to say something. He finally looked up, but addressed Xanatos first. "What do you think, Padawan?"  
  
Xanatos didn't know. He really had no idea what he thought of the whole matter. But should he say no? That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to help Obi-Wan, not because it was his obligation as a Jedi, but simply because he really liked the boy. He nodded. "It would be okay with me."  
  
Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Very well, if it is okay with Mace we will do it."   
  
Master Migaja nodded, stood up and then smiled at the two men. "I knew that I could count on you. Padawan Xanatos, please do not stop talking to Obi-Wan outside of counselling. It's very important to him."  
  
"I will do my best, Master."  
  
"I'm sure you will." She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment with an expression that made him slightly uncomfortable, as if she was seeing something in him that nobody else did and tried to decide whether it was good or bad. Xanatos tried not to squirm under her gaze. Then she suddenly smiled again and shook hands with both of them. "I will talk to Master Windu and then contact you again. Good evening."   
  
When she was gone Xanatos and Qui-Gon looked at each other silently for some time. Then Qui-Gon spoke. "I guess, we will have to find a place for Obi-Wan to sleep then."  
  
"Looks like it." Xanatos looked around in their common room. "Now, do you want to continue that chess game?"  
  
Qui-Gon grinned. "Of course I do. Don't think you can get out of it that easily."   
  
Laughing they sat down at the table again, contend to concentrate on something as easy as a chess game for the time being before having to deal with a matter far more complicated the next day.


	12. Chapter 12

First of all, many, many thanks for your wonderful reviews. They are the reason why I keep writing and I can't thank you enough for taking the time to tell me what you think of my story. I'm really sorry that it took so long for me to update, but I moved to France and it took some time to settle here, so I was without internet access for almost three months. I will update more frequently now, I promise.

**Dani **Thanks a lot for the wonderful words. It encourages me immensely to know that someone likes it so much.

**John 'Tenchi' Fimont **Well, you never know. But I promise that I will keep the story up, hopefully more regularly now. Thank you for the kind words.

Just a last plea: Please review! 

Chapter 12

Sleeping arrangements turned out to be harder to decide on than Qui-Gon and Xanatos had originally thought. They didn't have a spare room which left them with the choice of either putting Obi-Wan into Xanatos' room or on the sofa in the common room. They decided to let him sleep in the Padawan's room and got another bed from the quartermaster the next day.

The counselling sessions wouldn't take place for a few days in order to give Obi-Wan the chance to get used to everything and settle down. Master Windu brought the young apprentice to their quarters in the afternoon after lessons. When Xanatos opened the door, Obi-Wan stood beside the tall Master, a bag slung over his shoulder and staring resolutely at the floor. The older Padawan bowed to Master Windu respectfully and smiled at the boy.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. We've been waiting for you."

Obi-Wan looked up at him with a surprised expression, then smiled back timidly. "Hello, Xanatos."

They stepped into the common room and Qui-Gon sat down with his friend, while Xanatos took Obi-Wan to his room. Once inside, the boy looked around, hugging himself and taking in every detail, from the books on the desk to the photo of Xanatos' real family on his bedside table.

Xanatos motioned to the bed that stood on the opposite wall of his. "You sleep here. You can do whatever you like here, read or, well, whatever." The Padawan realised that there really wasn't much to do in his room. He had never had a real hobby, but instead spent most of his time doing whatever came his way. Qui-Gon had often tried to awaken his interest in various things, but always found that it didn't capture Xanatos's attention for very long.

Obi-Wan didn't seem to mind the lack of entertainment, but instead looked out of the window at the speeders zooming past. Xanatos sat down on his bed and watched him for a while before initiating a conversation.

"So, what do you do in your free time"

Obi-Wan looked at him, obviously a bit flustered. "I..." He blushed and looked down again. "My Master gives me lessons and I practise...things."

Xanatos decided not to ask what he meant by _things. _"But what do you do for pleasure? What did you do in the crèche outside of lessons"

The young Padawan didn't look up as he answered. "I had model spaceships. I built them with Garen."

"Really? That sounds great! What ships did you have"

Obi-Wan's head shot up at the question and all shyness seemed to fall away. He sat down beside Xanatos on the bed, looking at him with gleaming eyes. "All kinds of passenger ships. I had a Nubian. And once, Garen and I built a Corellianfreighter all by ourselves." He grinned with an excitement one only saw frequently in children and only very rarely in adults.

Xanatos grinned back. "That's really impressive. Those are very complex. Will you show me"

The exuberance left as quickly as it had come and Obi-Wan swallowed, eyes downcast again. "I don't have them anymore. I'm too old for toys."

Xanatos chided himself for asking such a question. He should have expected this. "Obi-Wan" he said in a quiet voice"one is never too old for the things one likes. If you like model spaceships then you can build them until you're as old as Master Yoda."

That seemed to cheer Obi-Wan up a bit and he smiled. "I don't think I will ever be that old."

Xanatos laughed. "Probably not. But if you were, you could still build spaceships. Did you know that Master Yoda collects holovid figures" The younger Padawan looked at him with an expression that said he clearly hadn't known. Xanatos grinned and continued"Do you really want to be the one to tell him that he's too old for such a childish hobby" He raised an eyebrow at the smaller boy and Obi-Wan giggled. Xanatos became aware that it was the first time he had ever heard Obi-Wan giggle, a sound every child should make at least several times a day. He laughed along with the apprentice. "See, I thought so. But, hey, don't tell anyone about thator he will whack me with his gimmer stick. And then I'lltell him that it was all your fault."

Obi-Wan laughed aloud now and Xanatos thought that he could get quite used to the sound.

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The evening went by smoothly, even though Obi-Wan hardly spoke a word. They ate in their quarters, preparing the food together and including the young Padawan in every activity. Xanatos realised that while Obi-Wan seemed quite comfortable and even relaxed in his company, he was always unbearably tense when Qui-Gon was in the room. Then he would go back to his monosyllabic answers and a politeness that made him sound like a grown-up. They watched a holovid together with Xanatos sitting, or rather lounging on the couch between his Master and Obi-Wan. Afterwards they went to bed. The older Padawan lay awake staring out of the window. They hadn't pulled the blinds, both being more comfortable with seeing the lights outside.

Xanatos could hear from Obi-Wan's breathing that the boy wasn't asleep, but he ignored it. He didn't particularly like the evenings. It was okay as long as he had company and there was some noise surrounding him, but when everything in the quarters became silent and all the lights inside went out, his brain would start to work overtime. Then the unpleasant thoughts came, the ones that seemed so trivial in the day and so all-encompassing at night. The memories of failed missions or even successful ones, but only solved with many victims along the way, the big mistakes that had been committed, the self-doubts and finally the thoughts of what was yet to come.

Xanatos at last managed to fall asleep by forcing himself to think of something else and through his efforts he didn't realise that the other occupant of the room was still breathing unevenly.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Obi-Wan's culture lessons Xanatos taught were last in the morning the next day. The older Padawan's own classes took place in the afternoon. He had gotten used to it, only that today he was to take Obi-Wan with him for the first time after the failed mission. Master Migaja had advised them to start the apprentice's normal schedule again totry building up a routine for him to follow.

They arrived at the class room together and Obi-Wan took his place between Garen and Reeft while Xanatos went to the front desk.

"Good morning, Padawans. Our topic today is the planet of Thebor. Please open the appropriatefile on your datapads."

The students did as told and soon Xanatos forgot everything outside of his lesson and the topic. He loved to teach. It always gave him a sense of accomplishment, as if he had done something very important for these children.

At the end of the lesson, he was just closing all the files when a voice rose above the rumble of everyone leaving.

"Why can't you just leave him alone? You just can't take that he's better at classes than you are"

Xanatos looked up. It was Reeft who had spoken, his hands on Obi-Wan's desk, an angry look on his face, Garen standing beside him. Bruck and Aalto stood across the table from them with Obi-Wan caught between them, his eyes downcast. The senior Padawan felt anger rise in him and he stood up to walk over to the boys.

"Can someone please tell me what is going on"

"Bruck insulted Obi-Wan" Garen was no less angry than his friend and Reeft jumped in immediately.

"He called Obi a baby because he hasn't been to classes lately."

Xanatos's gaze narrowed in on Bruck. "I will speak to Bruck alone. Go back to your quarters." They left without a word and Xanatos didn't see whether they looked at him. His stare didn't waver. "May I ask what your problem is, Padawan Chun? Because I'd be very interested to know why you feel the need to take out your anger on Obi-Wan."

Bruck stayed silent, but his look was challenging. For a moment Xanatos knew what the best course of action would be. Take the boy to his Master and sort it out, but then the anger came back to him, like the night with Calan. How dare this boy hurt Obi-Wan, a boy who had already been hurt so much in his young life? How dare he gain his own self-confidence by bullying Obi-Wan? The darkness closed in on him, leaving him no room to hide or breathe or think. He felt the anger taking control and even while he grappled for it he knew that there was nothing he could do. The anger would win like it always did.

He grabbed Bruck by his tunic and hauled him to the front of the room, knowing that it was not the right thing to do, but not able to control the rage that made him do it.

"What is your problem, Bruck" The words were once again hissed out through clenched teeth. Bruck didn't answer. Xanatos shook him roughly a few times. "I asked you a question" he shouted.

The young Padawan flinched, but defiance shone in his eyes. "I just told the truth. He's a baby. He's clumsy and an idiot. He doesn't deserve to be a Jedi."

"And you do? Tell me, Chun, what did you do to deserve it" Xanatos was furious. The anger had filled him completely and he didn't even try to stop it anymore. He wanted this. He didn't want to reprimand or punish wrong behaviour. He wanted to hurt the boy before him for hurting one who meant so much to him.

Bruck kept silent and Xanatos was about to shake him again, when suddenly the door hissed open. The young man whirled around and faced Kiail. For a moment they just stood there and stared at each other. Then Xanatos let go of the boy and pushed him away, training his gaze once more on him.

"You can go. I will talk to your Master about this, Padawan."

Without another glance the older Padawan left with Kiail staring after him with shock written all over his face.

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Obi-Wan knew that he should be glad someone finally reprimanded Bruck for all his taunting, but somehow the whole thing felt like trouble. Master Jinn was in his quarters when the Padawan returned and Obi-Wan wasn't too thrilled about that. Sure, Master Jinn had always been nice to him, but Xanatos was his security, his guarantee that nothing would be done to him. The Master sat at the table, typing on a datapad, but looked up when Obi-Wan entered and smiled at him.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. Where's Xani"

"He's still talking to a boy from my class."

Master Jinn hesitated for a moment, his eyes narrowing, but then shook his head as if to clear it, stood up and took his cloak from the wall. "I'm sure he will join us in the dining hall when he's done. Are you hungry"

Obi-Wan hesitated. He was hungry and at least when they were in the dining hall, he was safe. "Yes, Master."

"Good. Then let us go."

They went out of the quarters and while they were walking down the long corridors Master Jinn addressed the Padawan again. "Did you have a good day at classes"

Obi-Wan flinched a bit and chastised himself immediately for not staying calm. But Master Calan had never talked to him like this and it was hard getting used toquestions that obviously weren't meant to test him in any way. "Yes, Master."

Obi-Wan looked up briefly to see whether Master Jinn wanted to hear anything else and obviously he did. Searching for the right answer, the apprentice continued"I learned a lot and...and will do my homework for them immediately after lunch." He squinted up again, noting the confused look on the Master's face, but not understanding it. Not knowing what else to say, he bowed his head and remained silent for the rest of the way.

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Qui-Gon had felt the disturbance in the bond he shared with his Padawan shortly before Obi-Wan entered their quarters. For a brief moment intense feelings had flooded their link, but it was too short to identify them. When Obi-Wan had told him that Xanatos would be home later, he had started to become suspicious. _But suspicious of what? _What did he expect his Padawan to have done? Not coming to a conclusion he had tried to forget about it. It was probably nothing.

Now he sat in the dining hall between Mace and Aurian Linko and watched Obi-Wan talking to his friends. Or rather not talking, but just listening. His mind wandered to the answer he had gotten on their way here. He had waited for the boy to tell him what he had learned, what had been the topic of the lessons, but instead the Padawan had assured him that he had done well. Xanatos always told him about his day, what he had done and what he had learned and experienced. Obi-Wan obviously didn't know that Qui-Gon had wanted to hear about those things. He wondered once again at the factnobody had ever realised what that monster Calan had been doing for almost a year.

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Xanatos almost ran through the corridors of the Temple. It had been there again. The darkness he had felt on the last mission. It had filled him, surrounded him until all he could see was the face of Bruck Chun and all he could feel was the hatred towards the boy. He reached one of the smaller meditation gardens and stormed inside. It was empty and he thanked the Force for it as he settled down behind some trees, out of sight of the door. There was no water here and it disturbed him. Water was soothing and calm and he needed every calm influence he could get at the moment.

He stared at the foliage surrounding him, his breathing ragged and his face and hands sweaty. _What have I done? _It was the same feeling as down in the lower levels where he had confronted Calan and yet it was different this time. The darkness wasn't gone. It seemed to linger as if waiting for him to reach out to it again. But he didn't. Instead he sat under the tree, desperately searching for the light he knew the plants and animals around him exuded through the Living Force. It came to him with some effort and he grappled for it, trying to sink into it. What had he done?

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Xanatos didn't join them for lunch. Obi-Wan went to 'sabre class with Garen and Reeft and temporarily forgot about him as he tried to concentrate on the kata and on not making a complete fool of himself. It went better today. He didn't have any injuries that would hinder his movements, but he was still behind all of his classmates, a fact that Bruck didn't overlook. He positioned himself near Obi-Wan and every time Master Linko was in another corner of the salle, he would whisper insults. Obi-Wan tried to ignore them, but they disturbed his concentration greatly and Master Linko had to reprimand him again and again.

After the lesson he went back to Master Jinn's quarters. Surely Xanatos would be there by now. But when he arrived, he saw immediately from the look on the Master's face that the older Padawan wasn't back.

After a pause the man asked"Did you see Xanatos on your way"

Obi-Wan shook his head and looked around, not sure what to do now. Suddenly Master Jinn stood up and walked towards him raising his hand. The Padawan's breath quickened. He closed his eyes and waited for the blow. The hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed.

"I will go out to look for him, Obi-Wan. Please do your homework. When you're done, you have the evening to yourself."

The door hissed shut behind him and Obi-Wan stood in the centre of the room, completely bewildered. He had been sure that Master Jinn would hit him. After all, it was obvious that Xanatos was in trouble because of him. But he hadn't. It took him several minutes before he had calmed down enough. Then he went to fetch his datapad, sat down on his bed and started doing homework. But as much as he tried, he couldn't shake the thought that he had once again committed a very big mistake.


	13. Chapter 13

Jade Queen of the Damed: Glad you like it. There definitely won't be such a pairing in this one. The relationship Xanatos and Obi-Wan are developing is more like that of brothers.

Desperado: Thanks a lot. It's great to know that someone likes it so much. In answer to your question I can only say it took me too long. I've been writing this for more than a year now and I hope to finish it soon. But I'm a slow writer. As for the stars between paragraphs, for some inexplicable reason the editor here doesn't take them anymore, but I've found something else to seperate them. Thanks again for the review!

Laura of Maychoria: I'm glad you like my characterisations, because it's always my main worry in my stories, that they somehow won't be believable. That's why I always show that they all make mistakes, so no one comes across as too shallow.  
I've decided that repressing emotion is probably a Jedi-trait. If you look at TPM and AOTC you see that duty always comes first and emotion always last. It seems to be their way of making it through all the horrors of their missions unscathed. I hope that through the fact that Xanatos doesn't think so, I manage to convey that he's different. And those who are different always encounter more difficulties in their lives.  
The reason why nobody just tells Obi-Wan that Calan was wrong is partly explained in this chapter, so I don't want to tell everything beforehand. As far as I know the problem with most people who have psychological problems is that they don't really believe others when they present them with a solution. It has to come from the inside, so that they don't have to rely on the trust in someone else, but on their own ability to figure it out.  
Thank you very, very much for you kind words.

I want to say a very big thank you to all of you for taking the time to give me such detailed reviews. It's those things that always make my day. When I check my e-mails and there's a review in there and then I see that someone really took the time to write about certain paragraphs, it just makes me happy. :)

All reviews are welcome of course, criticism as well, as far as it is kept constructive. Flames will be redirected to burn the owner.

**Chapter 13**

Qui-Gon found Xanatos in one of the small meditation rooms. His Padawan sat against a tree staring off into space. Qui-Gon sensed that the young man wasn't meditating and so he approached slowly and sat down beside him. Xanatos said nothing to acknowledge his Master's presence and Qui-Gon just waited, though he wasn't sure whether it was because he wanted to give his Padawan space or whether he just didn't know what to do. He knew sooner or later Xanatos would start talking. But the minutes crawled by and still nothing was said.

Finally Qui-Gon couldn't take it anymore. "Don't you want to tell me what happened?"

Silence followed his question and Qui-Gon started to wonder whether Xanatos had heard him at all. "Xani?"

The Padawan suddenly seemed to snap out of a trance, looking at Qui-Gon briefly before averting his eyes. "It's nothing." He stood up, smoothing his trousers out without making eye contact with his Master. But Qui-Gon wasn't so easily fooled.

"Xanatos, talk to me. Something clearly happened and I would like to know what it was so I can help you."

For a moment Xanatos seemed to hesitate, then he shook his head and held out a hand to help his Master up. "It's nothing. I just got a bit upset, because of something one of my students said, but I'm okay now." He regarded Qui-Gon, his hand still outstretched.

The older man finally took it and pulled himself up, but didn't let go once standing, instead holding on to his apprentice's hand to keep him from leaving the garden. "Who was it?"

Xanatos sighed. "It was Bruck Chun. But I'm okay."

"Was it about Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, it was. Come on, I'm hungry. Let's go home." After a moment's hesitation, he added, "I'm sorry I worried you, but I assure you, everything's alright."

Qui-Gon looked at him with narrowed eyes, but then relaxed and threw an arm around Xanatos' shoulder. "If you say so.Let's get you something to eat, Padawan."

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Xanatos lay awake long into the night after dinner, which had been awkward after the whole episode in the garden. He wasn't entirely sure why he hadn't told Qui-Gon about the darkness. Maybe his Master would help, but then how could he? Xanatos was sure that Qui-Gon had never felt anything like this, had never lost control, least of all in such a situation. Why had Bruck Chun's words gotten to him so? He should just have given an essay as punishment, but as soon as he had heard the boy's words, his brain had stopped working properly, as if something deep within him that had been there all along had suddenly taken control.

Xanatos had never entirely agreed with the general Jedi view that all negative emotion was to be suppressed. He firmly believed in what he had once told Obi-Wan. If you didn't feel the negative emotions, how could you be sure to know when you were happy? These negative emotions had ruled him today and something in him had rejoiced at the opportunity.

But he hadn't been able to talk about it with Qui-Gon. There were simply things that were better kept secret.

Obi-Wan had feigned sleep when Xanatos had gone to his room. He didn't say anything. Obi-Wan probably knew more about those secrets than anyone else in the Temple and if he wished to be left alone, then Xanatos would be the last to force anything on him. So he had just gone to bed and waited for sleep to come. But it proved to be elusive and he was considering getting up again to read a bit. It would certainly be better than just lying there, letting his thoughts come to him without any way of stopping them. He turned on his bedside lamp, took out a datapad and began to read the novel he had abandoned some weeks before.

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He overslept the next day and was therefore spared any more conversation with either Qui-Gon or Obi-Wan. The younger Padawan had already left when Xanatos rushed out of the apartment and for once he was thankful for that. A quick 'see you later' to his Master and he had managed to get past without any incident.

Arriving at class a few minutes late, he sat down quietly and reviewed his schedule for the day. Math and Galactic Trade in the morning and no classes at all in the afternoon. Normally he would have looked forward to having some free time, but today was Obi-Wan's session with Master Migaja and he had promised to accompany him again. Xanatos was dead-tired, having been able to fall asleep only in the early hours of the morning and was not sure how he was going to get through the session. Something about the soul-healer always had him slightly on edge. She was entirely too observant for his liking.

"Padawan Crion, pay attention, please. This is important material."

Xanatos's head snapped up and he mumbled a quick apology, before forming his face into the expression every student was so familiar with: feigned interest in whatever the Master was saying.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Master Migaja welcomed them to her office with her usual warmth, indicating they should take a seat on the couch beside each other while she sat down in an armchair. The setting was familiar; however, the words that she spoke to start the session were not.

"How are you feeling, Xanatos?"

The young man was taken completely by surprise. All the sessions so far had started with this question, but usually it was directed at Obi-Wan, while Xanatos merely observed. He struggled for a moment with a response, before looking down. "I'm fine, Master." In the same moment, he realised that this was exactly the reaction Obi-Wan had shown every time he was addressed and he looked up again, blushing slightly at the lapse.

But Master Migaja only regarded him calmly, her eyes seeming to once again bore into him, stripping him of all his shields. His heart was pounding, but he refused to look away. After a few seconds that seemed like several minutes to Xanatos, she sighed in resignation and looked away,focusing on Obi-Wan instead who had watched the whole exchange with wide eyes and now looked down once again.

"And how are you, Obi-Wan?"

"I'm fine, Master."

Xanatos smiled and the tension evaporated. But Master Migaja didn't pay him any attention, now totally focused on Obi-Wan again. "Do you like living with Master Jinn and Xanatos?"

It should have been an easy question and Xanatos had been sure that Obi-Wan liked living with them, but the boy hesitated, suddenly agitated, looking briefly at the older Padawan and then at Master Migaja. The Master leaned forward slightly. "Obi-Wan, you can say anything you want here. Nobody is here to punish you, we just want to know how you feel."

"I like living with them." The answer was rushed and Obi-Wan looked down briefly, then hurriedly added, "But I liked living with Master Windu as well." He looked at the other two, obviously hoping they would approve of his answer.

Xanatos thought that Master Migaja would in some way reassure the boy, but she said nothing for a while. Then she asked, "Do you think that Master Windu would be angry if you liked living with Master Jinn better?"

It did nothing to calm Obi-Wan and the young Padawan looked desperately at Xanatos, biting his lip while begging him with his eyes to help him. But before Xanatos could say anything, the soul healer spoke again. "Did you have the impression that Master Windu likes you?"

Obi-Wan hesitated, then said in a small voice, "Yes, I think so."

"So, if he likes you, do you think he would be angry if you liked living with Master Jinn better?"

Obi-Wan remained quiet. Then suddenly his face took on the expression of deep concentration, as if he was thinking very hard, trying to figure out something that had up to now been incomprehensible to him.

Master Migaja said nothing, letting Obi-Wan have all the time he needed and Xanatos suddenly realised why she had not reassured him. Obi-Wan had heard too many lies in his young life and he needed to be reassured from within, understanding why there was no fault with his behaviour and feelings. So he kept silent as well, waiting for Obi-Wan to say something.

It seemed to take the young Padawan some time to figure out the answer to the healer's first question and then some more to work up the courage to say what was on his mind.

"I don't think he would mind, Master."

Master Migaja smiled at him proudly and Xanatos realised that today was the first time Obi-Wan had ever uttered an opinion which wasn't a question.

When Master Migaja let them leave half an hour later, Xanatos took Obi-Wan to the gardens for a swim. He hadn't felt so happy in a long time and he wanted the younger Padawan to feel this happiness, wanted to show him what one could feel while also accepting sadness and anger. He knew without a doubt that the healer's session today had been a tremendous success and for the first time he was absolutely certain that Obi-Wan would one day have a normal life again. As they swam and kidded under the artificial sun in the gardens, Xanatos felt more powerful than ever and the darkness of the day before seemed to belong not only to another life, but to another person.

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Qui-Gon had waited for Xanatos to come home. He had asked Mace to take Obi-Wan to the training rooms for some sparring to give Qui-Gon the opportunity to have time with his Padawan alone. He had finally decided to talk to his student about the events of the last evening.

His plan was overthrown once again when the two apprentices came back, hair still damp from a swim in the gardens and with wide smiles on their faces. It took Qui-Gon some time to return his Padawan's greeting in his flustered state. He couldn't remember when he had last seen the young man so light-hearted. Sure, they laughed together often and Xanatos wasn't a particularly sad person, but he often showed a serious side that didn't allow for this kind of complete happiness that Qui-Gon was now sensing from him.

While Xanatos was hanging up his cloak, Obi-Wan stood a bit uncertainly at the door. Qui-Gon smiled at him. "Did you have a good afternoon, Obi-Wan?"

The young Padawan looked up at him and smiled back. It literally took Qui-Gon's breath away. He had seen the boy smile before of course, but it had always been a nervous smile, not at all relaxed. This was one of happiness. "Yes, it was great, Master Jinn."

Xanatos beamed at his Master and Qui-Gon forgot all about talking seriously with his Padawan. This definitely seemed to be a day of celebration.

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Classes the next day went by smoothly, both for Obi-Wan and Xanatos. Both Padawans were sitting in the common room doing homework when the buzzer of the door sounded. Qui-Gon looked up from his datapad, motioned for Xanatos to remain seated and went to answer. For the third time in a short period, he came face-to-facewith Obi-Wan's young friend, Garen. He smiled down at the boy.

"Hello, Garen. What can I do for you?"

Garen seemed more nervous again this time than the last. "Good afternoon, Master Jinn. I was wondering if Obi-Wan might come over. My Master said it was okay."

"Of coursehe may, if he would like to." He stepped aside to let the young Padawan pass, who suddenly looked more nervous with the prospect of seeing his friend than talking to the Master.

"Hi, Obi."

Obi-Wan smiled back warmly. "Hi, Garen. I'm doing homework." He looked up at Qui-Gon though as he said it and the Master realised that he was quietly asking for permission to go.

Qui-Gon certainly wasn't going to pass up on an opportunity to let Obi-Wan spend some free time. "Go on, Obi-Wan. You can do it when you come back. Supper is at seven hundred."

Obi-Wan nodded, while he scrambled to put away his things. "Thank you, Master Jinn." Then they were out the door.

Qui-Gon looked at his own Padawan and raised an eyebrow. "It seems like your protégé is making progress, Padawan."

Xanatos nodded thoughtfully and it was much later that he realised what Qui-Gon had called Obi-Wan.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

"Three main thrusters."

"Four."

Obi-Wan grinned widely when Garen grudgingly gave him yet another card. His spaceships were proving unbeatable and he was rapidly winning the third game in a row. He couldn't believe how good it felt to spend time with his best friend. They had played a board game first and now cards, they had talked about classes, girls who were unbearable at the moment and insisted on giggling at the strangest of times and about the newest Nubian transporter.

Obi-Wan looked at his next card, a Correlian fighter, trying to figure out which were its most important features. "Two Corellian repeat blasters, power 4000."

"Oh, forget it." Garen groaned, throwing his last card at Obi-Wan and sinking backwards onto the bed. "How can anyone be so lucky?"

"It's not luck." Obi-Wan argued. "It's all strategic thinking." But he couldn't keep the wide grin off his face as he said it.

Garen gave him a disbelieving look. "Yeah, sure. There's also something called too much self-confidence."

Obi-Wan only grinned wider.

In that moment there was a knock at the door and Master Rhara poked her head in. "I think it's time for you to go home, Obi-Wan. Master Jinn will be waiting for you." She smiled warmly at him and he smiled back.

On his way back to Master Jinn's quarters, he suddenly realised that he hadn't thought of Master Calan in two days.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Xanatos lay in bed, on the verge of falling asleep, when suddenly Obi-Wan started to speak in the relative darkness of the room.

"Xanatos?"

"Yes?"

"When you make a mistake, what does your Master do?"

The older Padawan stopped breathing for a moment. He knew what Obi-Wan meant to ask, knew how important this was and was suddenly overwhelmed with the fear that he could mess it up by saying the wrong thing. _Okay, just be honest, state the facts, nothing else._ That's what Master Migaja always does.

"He gives me extra studies or meditation."

A short silence. "And when you make a really big mistake? When you do something very wrong?"

Xanatos thought back to the last time he had really mucked up. "I once had to help out in the healer's wing for a cycle."

Another pause and Xanatos heard the younger boy take in a deep breath. "What did you do?"

He didn't really want to think about it. "I sneaked out of the Temple against my Master's order and went to a bar with my friends."

The breath was released slowly. "Thanks."

Xanatos waited for a moment, wondering whether Obi-Wan would say more, but after some time his breathing evened out and he seemed to have gone to sleep. Xanatos stared at the ceiling, suddenly wide-awake.


	14. Chapter 14

Silverkitcat: Thanks for reviewing. I'll answer your questions in the story. :)

Arrendi: Thanks. That's what was most interesting about the story idea to me.

The dancing Cavalier: Wow, thanks so much for the kind words. They mean a lot. I hope I can live up to your expectations.

Jedi-Bant: Okay, this wasn't soon, but I hope you'll read anyway. :) Thanks for reviewing.

May: Thanks again. Won't say any more here. We've exchanged lengthy mails after all. :)

Chapter 14

Sleep found Xanatos easily that night. He was dead-tired, but not exhausted in the least. It should be a contradiction, but it wasn't, because Xanatos knew very well the difference between tiredness and exhaustion. While exhaustion befell his mind every day, tiredness only came to him rarely. Today he was tired and when he sank into his bed, enjoying the sensation of the soft mattress and pillows, he smiled. Maybe it wasn't so hopeless after all. Maybe all he needed was a purpose again, something to fill his mind so completely that it simply didn't have space for other thoughts. He fell asleep that night with Obi-Wan breathing evenly in the other bed and his mind completely blank.

He woke to someone whimpering. Momentarily disoriented, Xanatos listened intently, trying to figure out where the sound came from. Then he came fully awake with a jolt. _Obi-Wan_.Sitting up in bed, he looked over to the other Padawan, trying to ascertain whether it was a nightmare that had the boy so distressed or if he was awake and trying to suppress his crying.

"Obi-Wan?"

It was only a whisper, but if he had been awake, it should have gotten the boy's attention. It didn't. Thinking briefly of his vow to let Obi-Wan have his privacy, Xanatos decided that it would probably do him more harm than good in this instance. He crept silently across the room and touched Obi-Wan's shoulder lightly, hoping to get his attention. What he got was far more than he had expected.

With a sudden cry, the young boy shot into a sitting position, twisting away from Xanatos and holding his arms protectively above his head. Startled by the violent reaction, Xanatos took a step back from the bed, staring at Obi-Wan. After a few seconds, when no other movement on Obi-Wan's part followed, he carefully sat down on the edge of the boy's bed.

"Obi-Wan, it's me. It's okay. It was only a nightmare."

Slowly the arms were lowered and Obi-Wan peered at him with wide, fearful eyes. The fear was replaced by horror as he realised where he was. Gulping hard and sitting up straight in his bed, he looked down at the bedspread. In a small voice, he said, "I'm sorry for waking you."

Xanatos laid a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder, but instead of calming the boy, it made him tense up even more. "Don't be sorry. Everyone has nightmares sometimes.Are you okay?"

Shy eyes were lifted to his. "Yes, I am. I'm sorry for worrying you."

Xanatos ignored the second apology of the night. "Should I stay here for a bit?" He wasn't sure if Obi-Wan was too old for that, but it had helped him every time when his Master had sat with him after a nightmare. Although he remembered that he had always felt slightly foolish the morning afterwards when he could think more clearly.

"No, I'm alright."

"Okay. But you know that you can always ask when you need something."

The boy was again staring at the sheets. For a moment Xanatos thought Obi-Wan wouldn't react, but then he said in a whisper, "Yes, I know. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Obi-Wan."

Xanatos went back to his own bed with that strange feeling in his stomach he always got when he woke up in the middle of the night and everything around him seemed slightly surreal. Trying to distract himself from it, he stared out of the window at the fast moving speeders. He looked at them for a long time before sleep finally claimed him again.

The nightmare came as it did every night. Obi-Wan knew that it would, that his Master's voice would be there again, chiding him, lecturing him, shouting at him for being worthless. What he hadn't predicted was that someone would hear. He had never made a sound during his nightmares before. He just couldn't risk it as it would only prove his inability to act like a Jedi. What had changed now? Had his shields become so weak that the suppression of the sounds didn't come naturally to him anymore? Or had _he _become so weak that he wanted someone to hear, namely Xanatos? Or was it maybe just normal that people cried out in their nightmares?

Obi-Wan looked over at the other Padawan's bed. He was sleeping, but would soon be woken by the alarm clock and Obi-Wan would have to face him. He didn't fear Xanatos' wrath because he knew that the other wouldn't hurt him. Otherwise he wouldn't have shown such patience before. What he feared, was the older Padawan's disappointment. Yesterday had been one of the best days he had had in a long time and now he had destroyed everything with those foolish nightmares. Xanatos would think that he hadn't liked to spend time with him, that the healer's sessions were amounting to nothing.

Obi-Wan wanted to run away, but knew that wasn't an option. For once he would be brave and face what was to come.

Qui-Gon woke his Padawan as usual, finding Obi-Wan already awake. The Master was used to that by now. Obviously the boy was like him in that respect and it was only Xanatos who had trouble leaving the comfort of his bed in the morning.

He was sitting in the common room with a cup of tea when the two Padawans emerged from their room, together as always.

"Good morning."

His cheerful announcement was greeted with a 'good morning, Master Jinn' from Obi-Wan and an indistinct grumble from Xanatos. Qui-Gon grinned at the younger boy and winked, but all he got was an insecure smile. The Master frowned. He had hoped that after the successful healer's session and the day Obi-Wan had had with Xanatos yesterday, the boy would be a bit more open. Maybe something had happened during the night. He made a mental note to ask his Padawan about it later.

Breakfast passed mostly in silence and Xanatos left together with Obi-Wan shortly after. They would speak that afternoon.

Qui-Gon was in the archives helping Mace with some research, when his comlink beeped. He gave his friend an apologetic look and stepped back to have some privacy.

"Jinn."

"Master Jinn? This is Master Migaja. Would you please come to the Healers'wing?"

Qui-Gon was on alert immediately. "Has something happened to Xanatos?"

A short silence filled the air. "No, it is about Obi-Wan."

A thousand possibilities raced through Qui-Gon's mind, but he refrained from asking. "I will be there shortly."

Shutting off his comlink, he turned to Mace and said, "I have some business to attend to. Will you be able to finish on your own?"

Mace looked up from the datapad he was currently studying. "Yes, of course. I'll see you tomorrow for sabacc?"

"I'll be there."

On his way to the healers, Qui-Gon wondered why he hadn't told Mace what was going on and decided that whatever it was that had happened to Obi-Wan, it was probably better to have as few people there as possible.

Qui-Gon was greeted by Melia Jocin, Bruck's Master, who was sitting in the waiting room, but stood up when he entered.

"Qui-Gon. Have they told you what happened?"

"No, I was only asked to come here immediately."

Melia sighed heavily, a frown appearing on her dark face. "It seems that my Padawan and your protégé got into a fight. Neither has any injuries to speak of, but something else must have happened. I don't know what yet."

Qui-Gon nodded, but didn't say anything. They continued to wait in silence until finally Healer Migaja entered the room. The two Masters stood up to greet her.

She nodded at them briefly, her expression serious. "I take it nobody has filled you in on the details yet?"

They both shook their heads and she continued. "Padawans Chun and Kenobi got into a fight, obviously because of a disagreement about your apprentice, Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow. "Was Xanatos a part of this?"

"No, as far as I know he hasn't been informed of the events up to now. The fight in itself, while not being what we expect of our Padawans, was not serious, as far as physical injuries go, but obviously things were revealed about Obi-Wan that he would have rather kept secret, especially from Bruck. Master Jocin, normally I wouldn't talk about this with you, but I believe that your Padawan will address the issue and I want you to know the whole story."

She took a deep breath. "Obi-Wan was abused by his Master for almost a year and he bears heavy marks from it. It was that which Bruck accidentally discovered during their fighting."

Melia stared at the healer in shock, opened her mouth to say something, but before any words could form, Qui-Gon said, "How did he react?" He wasn't sure whether he was asking about Bruck or Obi-Wan, but Master Migaja told him what he needed to know.

"I believe that Padawan Chun was shocked himself and reacted the way he always has when faced with situations in which he felt insecure. He taunted Obi-Wan. Padawan Kenobi is in an examining room; I believe you would like to see him and that he could use someone. I assume that shame on his part will be a big problem now. We hadn't worked to the point yet where he freely admitted what Calan did to him and as far as I can see he's still unaware of our knowledge of it. As of yet he has failed to open up to me. Should you have the same problems, it would probably be wise to call Xanatos. I will discuss some details with Master Jocin."

Qui-Gon nodded and moved towards the room Master Migaja had left before. He found Obi-Wan clad in a thin under-tunic sitting on a med-bed, staring down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap, his feet not reaching the floor. His shoulders were slumped and he didn't look up when Qui-Gon entered.

The Master hesitated a moment, then went over to the bed and sat down beside Obi-Wan. He waited for a few seconds, but when the boy didn't start speaking, Qui-Gon asked, "Would you like to talk about what happened?"

Obi-Wan didn't react at first, but then he shook his head, not uttering a sound. Qui-Gon wished Master Migaja had come in here with him to tell him what to do. Maybe the problem was simply that he was too imposing.

"Obi-Wan, would you rather talk to Xanatos?"

Another brief pause and then the boy nodded, still staring at his hands.

"Okay, you just stay here and I will get him." Qui-Gon hoped he sounded reassuring and with that he left the room in search of his Padawan.

Xanatos had just finished his exercise when the young initiate entered the classroom and spoke to his teacher. The Padawan observed it with mild interest, but was surprised when the Master then came towards his desk.

"Padawan Crion, your presence is required in the healers'wing. You can take you things with you."

"What happened?"

The Master raised an eyebrow and said, "I don't know any details, Padawan. You will have to wait to find out more."

Xanatos decided to ignore the slightly disapproving tone. "Yes, Master." The healers' wing? Had something happened to Qui-Gon?But as soon as the thought popped into his head, he realised that someone else was much more likely to be the reason for the request. _Obi-Wan._Shoving his datapad into the bag Xanatos quietly left the classroom.

His Master waited for him in the reception area and immediately motioned him over to a chair, his expression worried.

"What happened?"

"Obi-Wan and Bruck had a fight and Bruck discovered the scars Obi-Wan has obviously attained during his time as Calan's Padawan."

Xanatos felt the anger rise in him again. Of course it had been Bruck. What kind of Jedi was the boy? Xanatos wanted to question him right then, but pushed the anger back down, knowing that he wouldn't help Obi-Wan with those actions. Instead he listened to his Master explain what had transpired between the two Padawans and that Master Migaja hadn't been able to reach the boy.

"Can I see him?"

Qui-Gon nodded and motioned towards one of the rooms. "Yes, Padawan. Be careful and call me when you need help."

Obi-Wan didn't look up when Xanatos entered, but kept staring at his hands, even when the older Padawan sat down beside him.

Xanatos took a deep breath and willed his voice not to show the anger he was feeling. "Hi."

No reaction. Obi-Wan wouldn't be the one to start this conversation and Xanatos had no idea how to begin. _Okay, just don't scare him off. Show him that you're on his side. _"Would you like to tell me why Bruck started a fight?"

He had expected that Obi-Wan would be a bit startled that Xanatos didn't assume he had started it, but again he got no reaction from the boy. He sighed. "Obi-Wan, we need to talk about what happened. I want to help you."

Unexpectedly Obi-Wan looked up and Xanatos could read the pain and sorrow in his eyes, but also something else; disappointment. He didn't have much time to wonder about it when the young boy finally spoke.

"You knew all along, didn't you?"

The breath caught in Xanatos's throat. There were unshed tears in Obi-Wan's eyes and they seemed to beg him to contradict what he had been accused of. The young man swallowed heavily.

"Yes, Obi-Wan. We knew about it."

He wanted to turn away from the betrayal in those eyes, but he had to face this. He had never thought about the fact that not telling Obi-Wan what he knew could be seen as lying. But that was exactly what he had done; he had lied to the boy and through that had confirmed to him that nobody could be trusted.

But he refused to give up that easily. His motives had been different and he would make Obi-Wan see that. He wouldn't lose that hard won trust now. And he would start by telling the young Padawan the whole truth this time.

"Calan told me. I met him one last time before he disappeared on the lower levels. What he did to you was wrong! None of it was your fault; anyone would have suffered the same fate when chosen as his Padawan. It was his anger that made him do what he did and not anything on your part."

Xanatos took a deep breath. Should he really say those things? Master Migaja had said that Obi-Wan had to figure it out for himself. But it was too late for that now.

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan. I never meant to violate your trust. You're worth so much more than Bruck or Calan could ever be. Please believe me."

He waited with bated breath. Then Obi-Wan suddenly moved, shrugging out of the thin tunic he wore. Xanatos's sharp intake of breath was loud in the silent room. The young Padawan's upper body was crisscrossed by scars, some of them already faded, others only a few weeks old. It was obvious that none of them had been treated.

Obi-Wan lifted his eyes, a silent tear sliding down his cheek, waiting for his reaction, awaiting his judgement. Xanatos stared back for a moment, then, slowly, he reached out to brush away the tear.

His voice was a whisper when he spoke. "They're only scars, Obi-Wan. We can start over. You _will_ start over."

He didn't know if what he did was what the healers would approve of, but he was sure that it was the right thing to do. He opened his arms and pulled Obi-Wan into a light hug. The boy stiffened for a moment and then all but threw himself into the older Padawan's embrace, clinging to him and finally, he cried.


	15. Chapter 15

_Ice Puppet _and_ Despo, _thanks so much for reading and taking the time to review.

_Laura of Maychoria, _my loyal reader! Thank you for all your praise and encouragement. More Qui and Obi is to come in the next chapters. You're right, Obi-Wan can't continue clinging only to Xanatos.

_The dancing Cavalier, _I always believed that it was unlikely that Xanatos was just plain evil. Everyone starts as a good person and then something terrible happens to turn them around. I'm glad that you like my portrayal of him. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 15

Obi-Wan had been treated and then gone back to Master Jinn's quarters, and now he sat on his bed, watching the speeders outside while Xanatos was preparing dinner with his Master. He had asked to be alone for a while and the other two had granted it. Obi-Wan was still a bit amazed that he'd had the courage to ask, especially after what had happened today.

He was confused. He had striven so hard to conceal his injuries, to avoid anyone noticing what his Master had had to do to him. But now that they knew, he felt strangely relieved. With Xanatos's discovery and his acceptance of it had come a thought he'd never considered:Calan hadn't _had _to do these things to him, he had simply done them. Of course, that didn't mean he could just break down like that. Xanatos had seen him at his worst now and Obi-Wan just hoped that the older Padawan would be as understanding about that as about everything else.

But whatever awaited him now, for the first time in over a year Obi-Wan had hope again.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Qui-Gon and his Padawan were working silently in the kitchen, the Master glancing sideways at his apprentice from time to time. Xanatos seemed to concentrate completely on the task at hand and Qui-Gon was wondering whether he should start a conversation. They had to talk about what had happened and Qui-Gon knew that if he didn't start now, he would never get his apprentice to talk.

"Obi-Wan seems to be taking it well,all things considered."

Not looking at him, Xanatos replied, "He didn't when we were alone."

Qui-Gon stopped stirring the salad he was making and turned fully towards his apprentice. "But maybe this was exactly what it took to get through to him. Maybe without wanting to, Bruck even helped Obi-Wan."

When no answer was forthcoming, the Master took Xanatos by the shoulder and turned him around, forcing him to look up.

Xanatos eyes narrowed and his words were defensive. "Am I supposed to be grateful?"

Qui-Gon was taken aback. He hadn't realised how deeply the events of the afternoon had affected Xanatos and that, more than anything that had happened, concerned him.

In a mild voice he said, "I'm not asking you to be grateful, just to acknowledge the fact."

With a sigh, Xanatos turned away again and continued chopping the vegetables. "Yes, I know."

No apology about being short-tempered, but Qui-Gon ignored it, took the plates and went into the common room.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Dinner passed quietly. Qui-Gon made a few attempts at conversation, but Obi-Wan was shy as always and only gave polite, short answers. Xanatos didn't say anything and just ate his meal with his eyes on his plate.

After taking the dishes to the kitchen, the older Padawan excused himself and went into his room. Obi-Wan hesitated a moment and then followed. But Qui-Gon had something else in mind and before the boy could close the door, he called, "I would like to talk to you for a moment, Obi-Wan."

The young Padawan tensed up immediately, but turned around obediently and stood facing Qui-Gon.

The Master smiled at him encouragingly and said, "Obi-Wan, I know that you're having a hard time at the moment, but I want you to know that you can always ask me for help whenever you need it."

Surprise showed in the boy's eyes for a moment, but then he smiled shyly and said, "Thank you, Master Jinn."

"So what would you like to do now?"

"I…don't know." He hesitated again. "I'm really tired."

Qui-Gon didn't doubt it, although he would have liked to spend a bit of time with the boy.Obi-Wan clung too much to Xanatos at the moment and Qui-Gon feared that he wouldn't be able to let go if another Master wanted to take him as Padawan. And he sincerely hoped that someone would tackle the task of showing this boy what a real apprenticeship looked liked.

Hiding his worries behind a gentle smile, he said to Obi-Wan, "Go to bed then. I'll see you tomorrow at breakfast."

When the boy had disappeared inside Xanatos's room, Qui-Gon sighed heavily. He knew that he should talk to his Padawan, but was also aware that Xanatos needed some time to cool down first. Tomorrow then. Realising how tired he was himself, Qui-Gon put the feeling aside, and went to his room to meditate on the uneasy feeling he'd had since that afternoon.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Fifth day had been Sabacc eveningfor his Master ever since Xanatos had known him and had first arrived in his quarters as a newly-made Padawan at the age of eleven. The small group that gathered together the next evening hadn't changed in the nine years and Xanatos greeted Masters Windu, Linko and Tr'hen only in passing as he went to his room. Whenever it was Qui-Gon's turn to host the evening, Xanatos made a point of staying out of the way. Something about being in the presence of four Masters - one of them a Council Member - always had him slightly on edge.

As he entered his room, datapad in hand, not especially looking forward to a whole evening of studying, he stopped when he saw Obi-Wan sitting on his bed. What made him stop wasn't the boy's presence, but the expression on his face. The blue-green eyes were wide open, Obi-Wan's body taut and upright.

Xanatos closed the door before he began to speak. "What is it, Obi-Wan?"

Frightened eyes turned to him and for a moment Xanatos felt himself back where they had started. But then Obi-Wan spoke and the feeling was shattered. No, they had made progress. Obi-Wan would never go back to that silent, frightened shadow.

"Masters Windu and Linko are here."

Obviously there were some things that hadn't changed. The young Padawan could still puzzle Xanatos with his statements. "Is something wrong with them?"

"Master Linko is my teacher and, well, Master Windu looked after me for some time." Looking down at his hands, Obi-Wan blushed as if he had uttered shameful words.

But Xanatos understood what the boy was aiming for. "Obi-Wan, they're only here to play Sabacc. They do every fifth day." With a small smile he added, "It's best to stay out of their way. Otherwise they might appoint you as their personal servant for the time they're playing. And besides, seeing them during their game might destroy a whole lot of illusions you have about them."

Xanatos didn't have long to wait for the reaction. A small smile appeared on Obi-Wan's face and his eyes started to twinkle. They shared a conspiratorial wink when Xanatos suddenly had an idea. Maybe it was rash, but what better time to help Obi-Wan's newfound confidence along than now? Standing up, he motioned towards the door.

"Let's go greet them."

A look of horror took over Obi-Wan's face immediately. "Now?"

Xanatos grinned slightly. "Well, now they're here."

The boy blushed again, but remained silent and rooted to the spot.

"Come on. They won't bite and I promise that I won't leave you alone with them."

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan eased from the bed and followed the older Padawan out the door. The Masters had already sat down at the dinner table and were sorting through a stack of playing cards, but looked up when the door opened. Xanatos stepped into the room and bowed shortly while Obi-Wan seemed to be doing his best to stay out of view.

Master Windu, however, had seen the young Padawan and his face broke into a wide smile. "Obi-Wan. It's nice to see you again. How are you?"

Nolonger able to hide, Obi-Wan bowed deeply and greeted in a quiet voice, "Masters."

Then suddenly realising that he hadn't answered Mace's question, he added quickly, "I'm doing well, Master Windu."

The Council Member's smile didn't waver. "I'm glad to hear it."

"Was there something you needed, Padawan?" Qui-Gon looked questioningly at Xanatos.

"No, Master. We just wanted to say good evening."

With a knowing look, Qui-Gon opened his mouth to dismiss his Padawan and free Obi-Wan from the situation, but was prevented from doing so by Master Linko. Obi-Wan's 'sabre teacher looked at his young student and smiled encouragingly.

"Obi-Wan has made a lot of progress recently. His 'sabre skillsare advancing quickly."

Obi-Wan, who had spent the last few minutes staring at the floor didn't seem encouraged at all by the praise, but blushed furiously and looked up desperately at Xanatos, then down again. "Thank you, Master Linko." It was only a whisper and the older Padawan realised that it would be better to get out of the room now.

A moment later he wished he had taken that decision sooner. Master Tr'hen, a long-necked Quermian, who obviously thought the young boy needed some reassurance, chose that moment to speak his own words of encouragement to the flustered Padawan. "That's high praise indeed, Padawan, coming from Master Linko. I'm sure your Master will be very proud of you."

Xanatos froze, his eyes flickering to Qui-Gon's. Obi-Wan didn't react at all, his gaze firmly fixed on the floor. Xanatos wished he could see the boy's face, but instead prodded him through the Force. It was no use, however. Without a bond he couldn't sense anything from Obi-Wan. The silence stretched for an uncomfortable moment, but then Qui-Gon, as always the skilled diplomat, intervened. "Why don't you two go out for a bit tonight? You don't need to be holedup in that room of yours the entire evening."

The older Padawan gave his Master a grateful look. Qui-Gon had reacted well and his words gave the two apprentices the chance to escape their quarters for some time. "Yes, Master." Laying his hand lightly on Obi-Wan's shoulder Xanatos steeredthe boy out into the hallway, letting the door slide shut behind them.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

They walked towards the large meditation garden in silence. Xanatos kept glancing down at the smaller boy, but all he saw was the bowed head. Looking at Obi-Wan now and knowing that he was hurting again, Xanatos felt resentment against Master Tr'hen well up in him. But for the sake of the boy beside him, he fought to set the negative emotions aside. He knew that it wasn't the man's fault. In an effort to protect Obi-Wan's privacy, the boy's fate hadn't been discussed openly. For Tr'hen Obi-Wan was just another young Padawan whose Master was probably away on a dangerous mission and had left the boy in someone else's care.

They had reached the garden while Xanatos was lost in thought. A few Jedi were wandering about in the cool air of the simulated evening and the two Padawans made their way over to a secluded spot by the lake. After they had both settled on the ground, Xanatos waited. After all, what was he supposed to say? But it turned out that he didn't have to say anything as Obi-Wan spoke after only a few moments.

"Master Calan is not going to come back, is he?"

The question was so completely unexpected that Xanatos's head snapped up. This wasn't at all the direction in which he had expected the conversation to go.

He stared at the boy in shock for a moment. Obi-Wan stared back, but then lowered his head again, his eyes betraying that he knew the answer to his own question.

Silence again. Xanatos felt helpless. He knew that he had to say something. Staying silent would mean letting Obi-Wan down.

"No, he most likely won't be coming back. But I can assure you that even if he does, he will be severely punished for what he did to you."

It was meant to reassure the boy, but it clearly didn't. "You said you talked to him before he left."

"Yes, I did. I caught up with him on the lower levels before the storm started and confronted him. I had suspected that he was doing something to you." He paused for a moment, his eyes losing their focus. "I had just hoped that I was wrong." He looked at Obi-Wan again and to his surprise the boy looked directly back at him. "I promise that he won't ever hurt you again."

Obi-Wan's eyes stayed on him, but there was a sudden certainty in them that Xanatos couldn't quite explain. "I'm not a Padawan anymore. I don't have a Master." The voice remained matter-of-factly and Obi-Wan didn't even blink. The eyes seemed to challenge him, to test if he really had an answer for everything.

Taking a deep breath, Xanatos gave the boy the only answer he could at that moment. "You're right, you don't have a Master. But you're still a Padawan. Someone else will train you, someone who deserves you."

There was a brief flicker of hope on Obi-Wan's face, but it quickly died and the boy looked out over the water, absently fiddling with his braid. "Nobody will want me. Not anymore."

"Why do you say that?"

Silence reigned for several moments. Not moving his gaze from the water, Obi-Wan finally answered in a whisper, "I'm scarred. I can't act like a Jedi anymore. What good is a Padawan who's afraid of everything?"

Xanatos was speechless. What was there to say? Before, he had alwayshelped Obi-Wan overcome his fears, but how was he supposed to help restore Obi-Wan's faith in himself if it had been so completely destroyed? And how could he restore the boy's image of the Jedi to what it was supposed to be, when his own was beginning to crumble? Damn the Jedi anyway for not realising what one of their own was doing to an innocent child. How dare they preach about emotions when they couldn't even keep one of their Masters from being consumed by them?

"There will be a Master for you, Obi-Wan. You're special. You have so much potential and someone will see it. The Jedi don't desert their own."

Now if only he could believe those words himself.

And Obi-Wan just kept on staring across the lake.


	16. Chapter 16

**WolfKyr: **Thanks for still reading and reviewing. I'm glad that you're still enjoying the story.

**The Dancing Cavalier: **Thanks. It's nice to hear that it seems real.

**miruvour: **It will be clarified, I assure you. I just need some time to get there. And you're right, the story hasn't reached its climax yet.

**Kaori: **I've always liked Xanatos, but he seemed too two-dimensional in the books. There must have been something that caused his fall.

**loveandheartbroken: **Sorry, it wasn't my intention to make you cry. Well, maybe a bit. I'm actually quite surprised that it worked. Glad you like it.

**Kris Destiny: **Wow, thanks so much. I'm glad that you like my characterisation of Xanatos. I've never liked the completely evil Xanatos that was shown in the books. In my opinion, there simply aren't people, who are only evil, even if they seem like it.

Thanks to everyone for reviewing. It really means a lot and your kind words always make my day brighter. Finally, here's the next chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Chapter 16

Qui-Gon was sitting at the breakfast table the next morning, reading the news and waiting for his Padawan and Obi-Wan to get up. They had returned late the night before and Qui-Gon had debated talking to them, but then had opted to stay in his room. There would be enough time later and Xanatos had proven to be quite capable of helping the young boy.

The Master looked up when the door to his Padawan's room opened. He expected both apprentices to emerge, but instead only Obi-Wan entered the common room, smiling shyly at Qui-Gon and sitting down at the table with a quiet 'Good morning, Master Jinn.'

Qui-Gon smiled back at the boy, surprised and pleased to see him alone. "Good morning, Obi-Wan. Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, Master." Then, as an afterthought, he added, "Did you have a good night?"

Qui-Gon's smile widened a bit. "I did. Thank you. Would you like to have some tea?"

The boy nodded and helped himself to a bowl of cereal while Qui-Gon poured the tea. The Master watched for a moment then went back to his datapad. He'd give Obi-Wan the opportunity to talk this time. As it turned out, he didn't have to wait long.

"I'm sorry for last night, Master Jinn. I behaved badly and I apologise."

Qui-Gon looked at the boy for a long moment, deciding how best to approach the issue. "What is it you're apologising for, Obi-Wan?"

The apprentice looked down, but then lifted his head bravely and looked into the other's eyes. "I shouldn't have been so affected by what Master Tr'hen said. He didn't know that I don't have a Master anymore."

The desolation in the boy's voice was palpable, but Qui-Gon forced himself to refrain from telling the boy that his reaction had been only natural. Master Migaja had said that Obi-Wan had to realise what the problem was on his own.

"Why did it affect you the way it did, Obi-Wan?"

The boy's eyes dropped to his plate and after a moment of silence, he whispered, "Because I realised that I won't be a Jedi Knight."

At that, Qui-Gon got up and went over to Obi-Wan, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder and steering him towards the couch. "Come. We have to talk and I don't want to do it over breakfast."

Obi-Wan followed and sat down beside the Master on the couch, facing him, but with his eyes downcast.

"Obi-Wan, it's true that your former Master won't be coming back. He has committed terrible crimes and he will be tried for them when we find him. But that doesn't mean that you won't be a Jedi Knight. Other Masters will come to the Temple and one of them might realise how special you are. You're a Jedi. You've shown that through so many things. Don't lose hope, Obi-Wan. It will turn out right in the end."

Obi-Wan looked up at him with tears in his eyes. "I'm too old."

"No, you aren't. The age limit of thirteen only pertains to newly chosen Padawans. You already have some experience."

Qui-Gon looked at the boy, trying to gauge whether he had understood what he'd said. Obi-Wan didn't look convinced at all and the Master added, "There are still Masters looking for a Padawan and one of them might just see you and find you to be the perfect apprentice for them."

There was no answer from Obi-Wan again and they continued to sit in silence until Qui-Gon realised that he might not get a chance to speak alone with Obi-Wan again. And there was still something that was bothering him and that had to be addressed, even though he knew that he hadn't convinced the boy that he was still a Padawan.

"Obi-Wan, Master Migaja said that the fight you had with Bruck was about Xanatos. Can you tell me what happened?"

The boy flinched at the mention of the fight, but he only thought for a few seconds before he answered the question. "Bruck said things about Xanatos. Things that aren't true." There was conviction in the words.

But Qui-Gon pressed on. "What did he say?"

"He said that Xanatos only helps me for his own good. That nobody likes him, so he's helping me to feel useful." Obi-Wan hesitated and then added, "He said that Xanatos is only spacer trash,just like me."

Qui-Gon felt anger surfacing, but he took a deep breath and released it into the Force. "You're right, Obi-Wan. It's not true. Xanatos helps you because he cares about you. And you're not 'spacer trash' and neither is Xanatos."

Obi-Wan looked at him again and this time a small smile formed on his young face.

Smiling back, Qui-Gon said, "What do you think of meditating for a bit in the gardens? Would you like to join me?"

Obi-Wan grinned. "I would love that, Master."

As the apprentice jumped up from the couch to get his cloak, Qui-Gon looked up and caught sight of his Padawan standing in the doorway of his room, an unreadable expression on his face. The Master sent a query through their bond, but it was deflected by strong shields and without a word, Xanatos disappeared into the room once again.

Qui-Gon took a step forward to follow him, but turned around when he felt eyes on him. Obi-Wan was waiting by the door, an expectant expression on his face. With a pulse of worry, Qui-Gon followed the boy out of their quarters. He would talk to his Padawan later.

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After their meditation, Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan to Master Migaja. They had decided that Obi-Wan would start having every second session alone to see how he got along without anyone else to encourage him.

Today Qui-Gon was glad for that decision. It gave him the opportunity to talk to his Padawan alone. Upon entering their quarters he found Xanatos standing on the balcony, the hood of his cloak pulled up. The young man didn't turn around when his Master stepped outside and Qui-Gon just stood beside him, looking out over the great city beneath them with all its bustling life.

He waited. Xanatos didn't move or speak and finally Qui-Gon said, "What is bothering you, Padawan?"

Another moment of silence before Xanatos started to speak, still looking out over the city, his voice emotionless beneath his hood. "Why didn't you tell me that the fight was about me?"

Qui-Gon was puzzled. He hadn't deemed it particularly important at the time and he said so to his apprentice.

The young man finally turned to him, his eyes angry and just the slightest bit of pain carrying in his voice. "Not important? They were talking about me, Qui-Gon. Bruck taunted Obi-Wan with what I am."

Qui-Gon flinched at those words. What Xanatos was? "Padawan…"

"You really don't understand what he was talking about, do you? I should have known." With that Xanatos whirled around and left the balcony, leaving his Master too stunned to react.

When Qui-Gon had composed himself enough to say something, Xanatos was already gone.

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Master Jinn had given Obi-Wan the rest of the day off to do with as he liked.It was still hard for the young apprentice to come up with anything to do. After all, Master Calan had always had lessons for him. The thought of his old Master made him anxious again as he walked away from Master Migaja's office, but both Xanatos and Master Jinn had told him that he would have a new Master. No, that wasn't quite right. Master Jinn had said that he _might_ have a new teacher, but Xanatos had been sure.

Banning those thoughts from his mind, Obi-Wan redirected his course towards the big garden. He wanted to meet Garen, Bant and Reeft, who were all at the Temple for once, which meant that they were most likely swimming.

He entered the garden and followed the path through the thick underbrush towards the lake. Even before he reached the water, he could hear his friends laughing and talking. Smiling brightly, he suddenly stopped short when he noticed a figure sitting concealed by a bush not far from the lakeside. It was Xanatos, obviously not meditating, but just staring ahead into nothing.

Obi-Wan hesitated. A part of him wanted to go to Xanatos, but another told him that the older Padawan had probably come here to be alone. Looking back and forth between the apprentice and his friends, Obi-Wan finally decided that it couldn't hurt to ask if his help was needed. Carefully he made his way towards the other and sat down beside him. Xanatos didn't react at first, but then turned his head towards Obi-Wan and smiled a bit tiredly.

"Hello, Obi-Wan. How was the session with Master Migaja?"

"It was okay." Obi-Wan answered, still looking imploringly at the older apprentice.

"That's good." Xanatos answered, his voice somehow far away and then continued staring ahead of him, arms slung around his knees.

Obi-Wan averted his eyes, suddenly very unsure of himself again. Maybe he should have stayed away. It wasn't his place to bother Xanatos when he wanted to be alone. But then he thought back to all the times the young man had helped him and listened, when Obi-Wan had needed to talk. He knew that he couldn't give as much as Xanatos had given him, but he could at least try.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Xanatos looked down at him again and this time, his smile seemed a bit more genuine, if still sad. Obi-Wan forced himself to endure the gaze even though it lasted far longer than he was comfortable with. Finally Xanatos eyes dropped for a moment before focusing on the boy's again.

"No. But I thank you for offering your help, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan smiled back, relieved that his help hadn't been perceived as an intrusion. He almost missed Xanatos's next words, caught up in his own thoughts as he was.

"Let's go home. I could use something to eat. What about you?"

Obi-Wan thought longingly of his friends for a moment, but then rose with Xanatos and grinned at him again. He couldn't abandon the other now. It felt wrong somehow. "I'm hungry, too."

Together they left the garden.

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As Xanatos lay in his bed that night, he finally allowed himself to think about his conversation with Qui-Gon earlier that day. When he and Obi-Wan had returned to their quarters, he had apologised to his Master and they had continued with their day as planned, a light sparring session and then some quiet studying.

All the while Xanatos had avoided thinking about the incident, but now in his bed, alone with his thoughts, he couldn't escape the memory anymore. Why had his Master's words - or lack thereof - gotten to him so much? Upon reflection he realised that it was quite possible that Qui-Gon had simply not deemed the cause of Obi-Wan's fight important. At first, Xanatos had felt betrayed. Was his Master thinking that he couldn't deal with it? Did he think his Padawan incapable of controlling his anger?

But now that he had cooled down a bit, he realised that what had hurt the most was the realisation that Qui-Gon really didn't understand his Padawan's situation. Bruck had said Xanatos was nothing but spacer trash and he couldn't have hit closer to home. Xanatos knew that he wasn't popular. He had few friends and even those were more acquaintances than real confidants. And he suspected the same was true for Obi-Wan. As the thought formed in his mind, he tried to ignore the image of Garen, Bant and Reeft that came to him unbidden.

Though even with them, Obi-Wan knew what it meant to be alone. Qui-Gon had never known that feeling. When he had been younger, he had had Mace Windu as his best friend and Tahl. And while he quarrelled constantly with the Council, he didn't have any real enemies. Xanatos sometimes suspected that his Master only opposed them to keep them on their toes.

Today when Xanatos had talked about Bruck's words, Qui-Gon hadn't even known what it was that was upsetting his Padawan so much. And how should he? Qui-Gon Jinn didn't know what it was like to have no one to talk to without fear of rejection, without the fear that one wrong word could cost him what small friendship connected them.

And with that discovery had come the realisation that Xanatos was truly alone.

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Qui-Gon had been meditating for a long time when he finally made his way to bed. It was no use. No matter how much he reflected on the day's events, he couldn't reach a conclusion tonight.

If he only knew what it was that was bothering his Padawan so much. The Master hadn't expected the outburst and he still puzzled over what had triggered it. He had asked Xanatos about it, but his Padawan had told him that it was something he had to figure out on his own and Qui-Gon didn't like the thought of forcing his help on the young man.

And the apprentice _had_ apologised, so it wasn't as if he was being too lenient. And although he had to admit that he did have a hard time keeping up with the young man's thoughts recently, this was still Xanatos, his Padawan, whom he had known since the age of eleven. Surely he would know when something was seriously wrong.

Whatever it was he was missing, he would have to find out tomorrow. For now all he wanted was some peace and a good night's sleep.

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Qui-Gon had known that sooner or later the Council would have a mission for them again. They had been at the Temple longer than usual already and Qui-Gon suspected that it was partly Mace's doing. He knew very well that the Council member had a weak spot for Obi-Wan and wanted to help him in any way he could and he had probably surmised that the best way would be to let the boy's two caretakers remain at the Temple for as long as possible.

As Qui-Gon stood in the grand chamber now, his Padawan a step behind him, he looked over to his old friend; and was surprised to see worry on the other's face. But it was not just worry. The emotion that was almost as clear on Mace's face was defiance, something Qui-Gon didn't see often when dealing with the other on the Council. It was one of the things that had always set them apart. While Qui-Gon almost couldn't last through a single session without questioning the twelve Jedi's collective wisdom, Mace had always adhered by whatever they said. And it was undoubtedly the reason why it was Mace who sat on the Council and not Qui-Gon.

"A mission we have for you and your apprentice, Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon wrenched his gaze away from his friend and focused on Master Yoda instead, whose ears were perked up and whoseface was set into that familiar 'I know exactly what you're thinking' expression.

"A mission to Telos, it is." At the mention of the planet's name, Qui-Gon felt a pulse of an emotion he couldn't quite identify from his Padawan, but he shoved it aside and concentrated instead on Mace, who had taken over the briefing now.

"Investigate the involvement of the planet's leader in several illegal affairs. We sent you a message containing all the relevant details." Mace took a deep breath as if stalling for time in saying his next words, but was rescued by Yoda, who cut in again at this point.

"Take Padawan Kenobi with you, you will."

There was a long silence in the Chamber, while the two Jedi standing in the middle tried to digest what they'd just been told. It was Xanatos who spoke first, taking a step forward to stand beside his Master. His voice was incredulous and matched the expression on his face.

"You can't be serious."

The Council Members' heads turned towards him and Plo Koon said, "You forget your place, Padawan."

But Xanatos wasn't deterred that easily. "How can you even suggest that? He's a small boy and he has deep emotional problems. How can you even think of sending him on a dangerous mission? It's irresponsible."

"Padawan Crion! You will not speak to us like that." It was Master Windu and his sharp gaze finally broke through to Xanatos.

He took a deep breath and then stepped back to stand at his customary spot behind his Master.

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Qui-Gon didn't take the time to give his apprentice a reprimanding look. He was just as outraged at their decision as him. "Masters, with all due respect, I don't think it's wise to take the boy with us. Xanatos is right, the mission is potentially dangerous."

Qui-Gon turned his eyes towards Mace, but his friend was once again not looking at him, so he redirected his gaze to Yoda. There was a certain sadness to the old Master's eyes, but they also showed acceptance and Qui-Gon puzzled over those emotions for a moment, before Yoda spoke again.

"With you, he will go. Leave this evening, you will. May the Force be with you."

Qui-Gon knew that it wouldn't do any good to argue with Yoda. He knew the old Master well enough to realise when he could defy him. This was not one of those times. Bowing, he answered, "And with you, Masters."

He left the Council Chambers, Xanatos following behind him without saying a word.


	17. Chapter 17

**Antigone Q** Thanks! Glad you like it.

**AlenaRiveldell** I like him too. He's one of those characters that just leave endless possibilities to explore.

**lillian** Wow, thank you so much. There's no better compliment than to hear that someone actually liked it enough to read it more than once.

**Tsukinoko1** Thanks! That's such a nice thing to say. I'm always worried that it will show too much.

**Kris Destiny** You never know what will happen. After all, we like to make life difficult for our characters, don't we? Glad you like it.

**The Dancing Cavalier** Thanks! I can assure you there's a good reason for him going to Telos.

**sidheranma **and** Tiamath** I know, it took a long time for him to get there, but I'm glad you're still reading.

**Wolfkyr** I seem to be doing that a lot. Thank you for still reading this even though the updates are so infrequent.

****

**Chapter 17**

The doors hadn't even fully closed before Xanatos's anger exploded out of him. "How dare they make such a decision without even asking us? They have no idea what they're doing to Obi-Wan!"

Qui-Gon wanted nothing more than agree with his Padawan and make very clear what he thought of the Council's decision. But this wasn't the time and it certainly wouldn't help Xanatos rein in his anger. Apart from that Qui-Gon wasn't entirely sure whether his apprentice's indignation was really only due to Obi-Wan's situation or also had to do with the mission taking place on his home planet, a fact Qui-Gon knew he had to discuss with the young man before they arrived. Such missions could be difficult, especially when said planet was ruled by the Jedi's father.

For the moment though, the Master concentrated on their current dilemma. "Calm yourself, Padawan. You may not like the Council's decision, but you will have to respect it."

Xanatos gave him a disbelieving look and opened his mouth, probably to remind his Master about other situations like this one and the older man's actions then, but Qui-Gon was saved by Mace Windu exiting the Council Chamber and stopping just outside, obviously waiting for his friend to join him.

Qui-Gon turned back to Xanatos and said, "Please go back to our quarters and tell Obi-Wan about the mission. I won't be long."

Xanatos seemed ready to argue again, but then just nodded, not looking happy at all and left the room.

Qui-Gon frowned at the door for a moment and then made his way over to his friend, starting to speak as soon as he had reached him. He nearly had to laugh at himself as he repeated his Padawan's words almost exactly. _And you wonder where he got it from, _he thought ruefully.

"What could you be thinking, Mace? This is not a mission for a young Padawan who is trying to overcome a trauma. Are you trying to kill him?"

"Qui-Gon, it wasn't me who made the decision. I argued against it, but Yoda was adamant. I couldn't get him to reconsider."

When Qui-Gon opened his mouth to argue back, Mace continued in a low voice, "He's seen something, Qui-Gon. He's had a vision. You know how he is, once he thinks he's doing the will of the Force, it's impossible to make him consider a different way." Mace smirked at his friend. "In that way, he's a lot like someone else I know."

But Qui-Gon wasn't in the mood to joke. "Why Telos? It will be hard enough on Xanatos as it is. Crimes committed by its leader? You're asking my Padawan to investigate his own father."

Mace looked at him for a long moment, before he suddenly started walking towards the exit. "Come with me. We have to talk."

Puzzled, but willing to follow Mace elsewhere if he could get some more information, Qui-Gon exited the room behind his friend.

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Obi-Wan was doing homework when Xanatos entered his room, but looked up and smiled at the older Padawan.

Xanatos smiled back tightly. "Hello, Obi-Wan. Pack your things. We're going on a mission."

The boy's surprise was obvious. "Me too?"

"Yes. We're leaving tonight."

Obi-Wan was already taking out his pack. "Where are we going?"

"To Telos. We don't know the details yet, but Qui-Gon will be here in a moment to explain everything."

Xanatos hoped that Obi-Wan wouldn't ask more questions. He didn't know what to feel anymore. When he had heard the destination of their mission, he had been shocked. They were being sent because Telos's leader was supposedly involved in illegal affairs. Crion Terinos. Xanatos's father.

The young man couldn't understand how the Council could even suspect such a thing. His father would never do anything bad enough to warrant Jedi intervention, would he? Xanatos shook his head; he couldn't think about that now. The Council's decision to send Obi-Wan with them was enough shock to deal with.The thought alone made him want to go back there and tell them what he thought of their wisdom.

He looked up at Obi-Wan and saw the boy look back at him with slightly confused eyes. "It will be okay, Obi-Wan. It's a mission, a real adventure."

The younger Padawan grinned back weakly, then started to pack his things. Xanatos's face fell again as soon as the other's back was turned. They would have to make do with what the Council expected of them, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

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Mace took them to his quarters. Once inside, he didn't hesitate, but crossed the room to the balcony and stepped outside into the noise and pollution of Coruscant. Qui-Gon followed and then waited for the other to start talking.

After a few moments, Mace spoke, looking out over the skyline of the city planet with a serious expression. "What I tell you should normally stay within the Council, but I believe that it's important for you to know and will spare both you and Xanatos a great deal of trouble."

Mace took a deep breath and Qui-Gon started feeling uneasy. The words unsettled him. He was suddenly very worried about what awaited them on Telos.

"A few days ago, Healer Migaja contacted me and Yoda privately, telling us that she had something to discuss. It was about Xanatos. She told us that your Padawan had shown strange behaviour during Obi-Wan's sessions and that she was worried he had a few emotional problems of his own."

Qui-Gon could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Why didn't she contact me about it? Why didn't _you _contact me about it?"

"She asked us not to."

Now Qui-Gon was becoming angry. "Why? Did she think we couldn't handle it?" He could tell that Mace was becoming irritated as well, but what else should he say? He was hearing about this for the first time and was starting to doubt the wisdom of placing Obi-Wan into the soul healer's hands.

"Qui-Gon, I'm not your enemy. I'm trying to explain all of this to you. To tell you the truth, yes, she was afraid you wouldn't be able to handle it correctly and maybe make matters worse by confronting Xanatos at that point. She wasn't even sure whether there really was a problem and just wanted us to keep an eye on it."

Qui-Gon took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure. "I still don't understand what that has to do with the mission."

Mace closed his eyes briefly. He knew that the other wouldn't take what he had to say well. "It's a test. Yoda thinks that it will help determine what Xanatos's problem is and whether he needs help to find his way again."

Qui-Gon took a step back and stared at his friend with narrowed eyes. "You think he's leaning towards the dark side."

"We just want to help him."

"No, you don't trust him. You've always thought that he's odd, because he's a bit unorthodox."

"Qui-Gon…"

"You know what, Mace, I don't care. He's an excellent Padawan and he will be a great Knight. I trust him and he will show you that he's very capable of completing this test to your and my satisfaction. Make sure to tell Yoda and Master Migaja. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for our mission."

Not looking back, Qui-Gon left the quarters, leaving a resigned and slightly worried Mace behind.

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The atmosphere was tense when they walked towards the landing pad a couple of hours later. They had spent the remaining time reading the information the Council had provided them with and Qui-Gon had explained the details to Obi-Wan while Xanatos just watched them.

On the ship Xanatos took one of the cabins together with Obi-Wan, while Qui-Gon took the other. It would take them thirty hours to reach Telos and Xanatos hoped that his Master would have a plan what to do with Obi-Wan during that time. Xanatos desperately needed some time alone to think. He deposited his pack on one bed in the small cabin and then left again in search of a place on the ship where he could be alone. When he walked into the corridor he could feel Obi-Wan's eyes on his back, but he didn't turn around, not wanting to deal with more questions now.

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Qui-Gon had stood behind the pilot during lift-off, watching the Temple grow smaller and finally disappear in the maze of Coruscant's endless skyways. When they had entered an orbit and were waiting for their hyperspace clearance Qui-Gon turned his back on the planet and walked towards the room where his Padawan and Obi-Wan had taken up residence. He knocked lightly and waited till he heard Obi-Wan's quiet 'Come in.'

He opened the door and looked around the cabin. Obi-Wan was sitting on his bed, looking up expectantly, but Xanatos bed was empty except for his pack that had been thrown onto it. "Where's Xanatos?"

"I don't know, Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon frowned, but then decided to put the matter out of his mind. Xanatos was probably just off meditating somewhere, preparing for the mission. Instead he focused on Obi-Wan and motioned towards the datapad that was lying beside the boy. "Did you understand everything about the mission, Obi-Wan?"

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan hesitated, obviously wondering whether he should say what was on his mind, but finally looked Qui-Gon in the eyes. "Does Xanatos know the ruler of Telos?"

Qui-Gon had waited for the question since they had told Obi-Wan about the mission. The name had been mentioned several times in the reports and Qui-Gon had seen the younger Padawan throw Xanatos curious glances the whole time, while the latter had just stared at his own datapad, not saying a word.

Deciding that it was better for him to tell Obi-Wan than leave it to his Padawan, Qui-Gon sat down on the bed beside the apprentice and said, "Terinos Crion is Xanatos's father."

Obi-Wan nodded thoughtfully and then asked, "Do they know each other?"

"Yes, they do. The last time they saw each other was two years ago." Qui-Gon decided to not tell Obi-Wan that things between the Jedi Order and Telos' leader had always been a bit strained. While Crion had given his son to the Order willingly at first, he had later wanted to have the boy back after losing his second son in an assassination meant for him. However, once a child had been entrusted to the Jedi, it couldn't be taken back unless the apprentice himself decided to do so after turning sixteen. Qui-Gon still thanked the Force that Xanatos had wanted to remain with the Jedi. But after the premature death of the Padawan's brother, Crion had obtained a court order that allowed him to see his son whenever he wished. Qui-Gon hadn't liked it and still didn't, but luckily the man's visits had remained rare, although they always left the apprentice in a state of disquiet and Qui-Gon had never managed to find out why.

Obi-Wan seemed lost in thought and Qui-Gon waited for a moment before he gently prodded, "Do you have any other questions?"

The boy seemed on the verge of asking something, but then he just shook his head and said, "No. Thank you, Master Jinn."

Qui-Gon smiled warmly at him and then went up to leave. "Try to get some of your studies done, Obi-Wan. We're going to be busy once we arrive. Dinner's in an hour."

Leaving the room, the Master wondered whether he should look for Xanatos, but decided against it. The boy needed some time to himself and Qui-Gon didn't want to intrude on that need for privacy.


End file.
